I AM HERE--part 1

I AM HERE

part 1

a meditation in collage

Sometimes a hug is all you need

Sometimes, a hug is all you need.

Yesterday, I was singing in the choir at my church. And this young woman, Robbin, was singing a solo in her young soprano voice. It was sweet and tender and pure. It tugged at my heart strings.

"Shall we gather at the river where bright angel feet have trod,
with its crystal tide forever flowing from the throne of God?"

I feel like some privileged aunt or sister to know such a sweet soul as this young woman. She's the best hugger and she's been at it her whole life already. Robbin has often helped me remember a very simple truth; love is all you need.

I think I first met Robbin's mom at a retreat for women from our church. Being away, we got to know each other quickly and became friends. From then on, whenever she saw me at church, she would give me a hug and so would her two daughters. Robbin was probably only 6 or 7 years old at the time. I've been looking for Robbin every Sunday ever since. And every time I find her, she gives me a full on hug and I give her one back. That's it. We don't talk much. We don't get together in between but I consider it one of the most important friendships in my life. That's about 50 hugs a year for the last 10 years. That's 500 or more hugs! And it doesn't stop there. I get hugs from her big sister, Stefanie, and her mom too. No wonder, I love my church so much! No wonder, I find so much love in my heart. Robbin and her sister and mother keep putting more back in. They keep filling me up.

And the other day when I knew she was going to sing the solo, I gave her one of my big hugs. And afterward, she gave me another one of hers. I left full again.

So this morning I just want to offer my gratitude for this amazing friendship and the Huggers: Sue and her two daughters, Robbin and Stefanie. I'm feeling rich indeed.

Sometimes all you need is a hug.

thanks Huggers!

~Jules, 11/04/14

TUG OF WAR

My work is calling and some of it is challenging...so I am experiencing a tug of war within...the jules on the left is in favor of sticking with it through the challenging part and getting it done and the jules on the right favors finding some pleasurable distraction, perhaps a movie or writing an email to a friend. I'd like to believe that I'll be better at this in the morning but I am afraid this will not be so. So the tug of war continues...I love this work, I want to do it well and yet I resist the doing of it. I like having the challenge of reaching beyond my comfort level and I also want it all to flow easier so I can get this done.

And so it is when living downwind from Eden....sometimes it is not clear if I am winning or losing, making progress or just walking in circles. Sometimes life is just messy.

~jules, November 16, 2014

THE WORLD OF SOUND RETURNS

October 28,2014

"THE EAR IS AT THE CENTER OF H-EAR-T FOR A GOOD REASON. WE NEED OUR EARS TO WORK WELL FOR OUR HEART TO BE CONNECTED"--jules, 2014

Three weeks ago I swallowed my pride and opened myself up the world of sound again. I have no idea what damaged my hearing, nor when it happened only that over the last 5 to 10 years, my hearing has been getting worse. Five years ago, when I checked my hearing, the loss was borderline for a hearing aid. I chose to not proceed at that time. Then this year, I got tired of not hearing and pretending i knew what everyone one was saying. So three weeks ago, I got my hearing aids and they are wonderful!

I gained so much more than just a few lost conversations.
I gained a whole world of sound and it is glorious.

Sounds that came back:

clocks ticking
phone keys beeping
my soup boiling from the next room
the woman in my peer group praying
my son telling me about his wonderful life
the softer tones in the music
all the voices in my choir at once
conversations in noisy restaurants
people breathing
water splashing
infinite sounds of the city

and silence is sweeter too

I've worn my hearing aids all day, every day in the last 21 days, give or take a few hours here and there for my ears to breathe. (I also take them out at night) They are comfortable. Sometimes I forget they are there. You can't see them if you don't know to look. My audiologist is fabulous and great at helping me program them just right for me. And they cost me less than $3000 for both of them.

So if you are tired of missing out on the world of sound, I invite you to join me.

Listening is work and joy that I will never tire of.

Naked Grace

the
delicate
lace of life

intricately
woven

into dawn

naked
grace

~Jules

10/16/14, Grand Marais

All will be well

Preparing for a Sunday of worship and singing---

I stretch to release the "should's" and "damn's" that haunted my sleep.
Then I settle in to drink my cup of tea
and listen to my "soothing" station on Pandora
Gentle piano and guitar tunes calm the turbulent seas
Remind me that somewhere the music is always playing
Remind me that God, that Love knows a secret
that our conscience does not
All is well, all will be well
All manner of things will be well

While I'm sipping and eating eggs, appropriately scrambled,
I read an op-ed piece in the paper written by a young adult
(It's about how he studied race and psychology and then spent six months
in Tanzania teaching kids how to use computers in a farming village and how he discovered race doesn't matter, but relationships do)
It reminds me that somewhere hearts are always connecting
Reminds me that deep inside there is a secret
just waiting to be unlocked
the secret that all is well,
the all will be well
that all manner of things will be well

My dear friend
I invite you to take a moment today
to listen to the music
to see the beauty
to notice love at work
and unlock that secret in your heart
May all be well

~Love, Jules 10/12/14

About Freedom

What does it mean to be free?

I started out knowing at my birth that I was loved. At first there was just me and Mom and Dad because my siblings were all off at boarding school by then. I was their brilliant surprise last baby (the youngest of six) when Mom and Dad were in their 40’s. They were overjoyed. It was clear I was welcome and that they were happy to have me. I was born free with love.

Then Judgment and Fear, Expectations and Misunderstanding moved in like some nasty controlling aunts and uncles. They said, “Whoa Missy! You just hold on there. What makes you think they will still love if you fail this test? Are you sure they love you? When was the last time you heard from them? When was the last time they actually told you they loved you? Listen here little miss cutie, you better get straight A’s and you better be good and you better do what they say or else!”

It’s hard to know how those liars got so much power. I think some of that came from seeing how much power they had over my parents; especially my mom. Judgment stood over her shoulder like an unrelenting soldier guarding the palace of Guilt. All her life she lived in fear of not being enough. She was always industriously working to ward off some invisible, impending punishment. I remember being really sad in my twenties when this truth really hit me. I had this sudden realization that Mom never quite felt that full on grace that Dad was always preaching about on Sunday mornings. As Mom took her last breaths, my husband and I sang “Jesus Loves Me” to her one more time and I could feel the sentinel begin to shake. About a half hour after she died, I had this sudden feeling of complete joy and elation. I knew Judgment had crumpled and Mom was free. Some of my own chains fell as well.

Even so, not all of my chains were inherited. I cannot blame Mom’s experience for all of it. Some of the Judgment and Fear I felt was put there or collected by me along the way. These are links in the chains I've added from a junkyard full of old adages and beliefs made up of Christian, Conservative, and American values mixed with messy family and peer relationships and occasional personal mishaps. Out of all this trash, I've managed to come with more than a few doomsday credos of “I can’t!” and “I’ll never!” and “Ah Shit!” I don’t think I’m alone in this. I think a great number of people come up with the idea that they are never going to measure up and that is just how life is.

Nevertheless, I suspect I am freer than most. Each day a bright sun rises out of the darkness and a breath of Spirit blows the dust off my sorry heart. Whether conscious of it or not, I hear a gentle voice whisper, “You are loved! There is nothing you can do to be loved more and nothing you can fail to do to be loved less. You are just loved!” I believe this is God’s voice, LOVE itself longing for all of us to be included. Even on days when I march forward in a fog of thought, I know this is true. And therein lies my freedom. God’s everlasting love frees me. Daily the chains are removed as I lean into this voice. I will die as I was born; in the freedom of this knowledge that I am loved, that I have loved and that LOVE will continue to carry me forward. I am free, I am free, I am free!

~jules, based on a journal entry in 2012

IN STORIES SHARED

in stories shared

grace dances between us

compassion waters the seeds of grief

love shines down

hope is born

9/26/14 ~ Jules

pssst! YOU CAN STILL SIGN UP FOR MY JOURNALING WORKSHOP BY CLICKING HERE.

One Week

Sunday

peaceful sun dancing through the leaves
providing a laser show on my wall
early paddles splashing across the lake
wisdom and song and hearts shared
through the ritual of spiritual community
family time, home time, 
a campfire song fest for the 21st century
friend time, community time
Sunday (9/7/14)

Monday
cold gray gloomy day
the alarm of tasks unfinished wakes me
somber stillness outside
hyper vigilant multitasking dragonflies
flitting about my brain inside
focus and produce is the goal
yesterday's hours with a friend were too short
today's hours of work seem too long
Monday (9/8/14)

Tuesday
an obscure day of the week
not the beginning nor the hump, 
nor the celebrated end
just an in between place
where all is not lost and all is not found
where time seems to stall 
the clouds and rain seem to know 
so I'll tempt the chiropractor to fix the kinks
lunch on the sunshine of friendship
then jump back into the fray and take my chances
the gray continues with a threat of blessing
Tuesday  (9/9/14)

Wednesday 
hump implies that we climbed up 
and now we are going to slide down, easily
although i am doubting the "easy"
but perhaps it is a camel's hump or a Brahman cow
perhaps hump means this is where the reserves are
maybe today holds the extra something
that we need to get through the rest of the week
I'm going to look under ever seat cushion
and up in every tree
I bet I'll find that extra something somewhere
Wednesday (9/10/14)

Thursday 
almost there
excited spirits lifted
like the pink at sunrise
amid the breaking clouds
there is something so wonderful
about almost reaching the end
hope rises for a moment over coffee
or early happy hours at the local tavern
plans are being made for the fun ahead
is my attention span so small for the week?
the phone rings, the timer beeps
there is still work to be done
so I'm diving back in
resolving
sigh
Thursday (9/11/14)

  

Friday
Finally! Right?
the day God gets the most kudos for
because we say our work week ends here
but now that it's here am I satisfied?
I feel a slight shift in pressure
from getting work done 
to being able to have a good time
often forgetting to plan for my fun
and within that failure
is the gift of a quiet evening
with my beloved
by the fire
Friday (9/12/14)

Saturday 
sleep in? not me
wake up early
for a long day of rest
or gettin' chores done
or going to events
it's the day many get to be
for better or worse
their own boss
like it or not
you can't do it all
on this one day
so hope this time around
it was fun
Saturday 9/13/14

Epilogue
Every day is another 24 hours

to notice, to ponder, to wander

to give and take

to love and forgive

to connect and cherish each other

to celebrate the life you have

to dream of delight and flowers

sing another song, dance another jig

Every day is hello and goodbye

YES and Oops! and oh Well!

and THANK YOU!

Everyday--Gratitude

~take care, Jules

Writing Workshop REGISTRATION is OPEN

Registration is now available for this workshop.

Click Here to register!

Writing as Spiritual Practice

presented by Julie A. Bonde, Spiritual Director/Writer

Come learn how writing can be a tool for discernment and spiritual deepening. Explore a variety of tools and ideas, ways to encourage your writing journey. Discover the voice within you that’s been there all along.  Anyone can write.  No writing experience is necessary to participate.

Julie Bonde, is a spiritual coach (Christos Class of 2008), retreat facilitator, speaker and writer. Julie has been writing journals since age 13, maintains a blog, and continues to participate in a writing group. She also helps produce newsletters for two non-profits. Born and raised on the island of Madagascar to missionary parents, then raising four boys in Minneapolis, Julie brings a wide variety of experience and an open heart/mind to her writing and her teaching style.

Saturday, October 25, 2014,

10 a.m. to 2 p.m.

$45 includes a workbook

(bring a bag lunch & a favorite journal)

Held at

Nativity Lutheran Church
3312 Silver Lake Road, Minnesota, MN 55418

“I thoroughly enjoyed the class and found it to be very inspirational. I have definitely stepped up the frequency of my journaling. I found the various ideas & approaches to journaling that were offered to be the most helpful – techniques, if you will, that will help me “get started” when I don’t think I have anything to write. I will now be consciously thinking of “where is God in all of this” in my journal entries.”

-Maggie Collins, workshop participant

“Julie is a wonderful instructor. I have participated in prayer classes and writing workshop with her. In the writing workshop, she had wonderful prompts to help you start writing. It was exciting to find the ways she had us connect with God and his world, and therefore ourselves and our relationship with Christ. She is a very generous teacher with exciting ways to help you on your spiritual journey.”-Karen Weiberg, workshop participant

A TRIP TO GRATITUDE

Today's motto: if something is wrong, it is a good idea to go back and start over...however inconvenient that is for you.

That seems like a good life motto. It's definitely a good travel motto for us today. 

The plan for day one of our trip was to take off from Minneapolis at 7 a.m., change planes in Salt Lake City, meet my sister and husband for a late lunch in Medford, OR, then rent a car and drive to Crescent City, CA on the coast for a few days of ocean and redwoods. So we rose at 4:30 a.m. and boarded the plane just before 7 a.m. We'd been sitting at the gate for awhile when the captain came on to say that the air conditioning needed fixing and they had to wait for someone to come and get it going. We left 20 minutes late and the rest of that flight was fine; seemed short even for a 2+ hour flight. After a 2-hr layover in Salt Lake City, that included a walk, we boarded our next plane; a much smaller plane (one 1 toilet and 1 flight attendant). We started taxing and then stopped. Soon the captain came on to say that the computer had been acting funny and they stopped to reboot and that fixed the problem. Whew! We left 20 minutes late, thinking that my sister and her husband would soon be leaving Mt. Shasta to get to Medford in time to meet us.

The second flight started out calmly. We reached cruising altitude while Pete and I watched the bizarre landscape of the Great Salt Lake and salt flats below. About 15 minutes into the flight, there was a sudden pressure change and my super-sensitive ears felt it with a sharp pain. It passed quickly. Evenso, I was grateful the attendant starting serving beverages and peanuts right then. This soothed me. We were all happily snacking and drinking when the first officer came on to say the following. "Everything is fine but we've had a situation up here. The side windscreen (aka windshield) on the left of the plane shattered. There is no immediate danger; the windows are all double paned and only the outer window is broken but we are turning the plane around and heading back to Salt Lake City. We are sorry for the inconvenience." 

And so it was; the plane turned around and we landed back in Salt Lake City, everyone safe, very close to when we had originally planned to land in Medford. I called my sister and we waited. We didn't have to wait too long. They found us another, somewhat larger plane, and we boarded again. We sat at the gate, mostly on our phones, telling our respective people that we were on our way. Then the first officer came on to say "we sorry for the inconvenience but we are having trouble with one of our doors and are waiting for maintenance to come and fix it." Maintenance came in short order and did indeed fix it while we waited. Twenty more minutes and we were on our way again, this time without incident. By some miracle, we landed in Medford safely, albeit 3 hours later than originally intended. 

Pete and I are so grateful for the calmness of the crew, for the wisdom to turn around when they did and get help, for the skill of the captain to get us back to the ground safely and just for the luck of the window not breaking all the way. Here is a picture I took of the window after we got off.

It all could have been so much worse. And then I began reflecting on this thought; that sometimes the way to go when something is broken is back to the beginning and start over. I don't think it is as easy to do in relationships but I think it is possible. It takes courage but sometimes we can go to the other and say, "Let's go back to the beginning and remember what brought us together int he first place."  If we can remember that, if we can find the beginning with the new perspective of where we've been, perhaps we can start on a fresh journey that will bring us all to where we want to be. I pray this is so.

After some hugs and picking up of supplies from my sister, Pete and I enjoyed a lovely foggy ride down the Redwood Highway from Grant's Pass, Oregon to Crescent City, CA. It was stunning! And at the end of the drive, we had sat on the cold beach in the fog and drank a cup of the wine my sister gave us; giving thanks for life, for love. We couldn't be more grateful!

Wandering Off

I am one of the messy ones
wandering off the smooth road,
to smell flowers or greet a toad,
keeping the pace is daunting to me
left, right, left, right,
instead, I, distracted by the dance
the extra beat of the drum,
the heart murmur that longs for the song,
skip a step

there are others
who keep the march going
left, right, left, right
tending to the daily tasks as if
the chore is as pleasing
as painting a masterpiece

meantime,
not quite in line,
not really out of line,
I reach off the edge
grabbing hands and hearts,
celebrating high fives with the trees,
whistling tunes with the birds,
occasionally coming back for a few steps
on the straight and narrow
left, right, left, right,

and then wandering off again
studying the language of flowers,
learning the wisdom of thunderstorms,
planting seeds of hope,
where trees of love will someday grow,
to shade the travelers yet to come

grateful for the others
whose steady devotion
gives me a plumb line
to guide my wandering way

I love this blessed messy life!

jules, 8/9/2014

A TWO-CUP MORNING

I really love people, I mean LOoooooVE them! Everyone is so amazing...so magical and mysterious and mostly kind. I spend a lot of my time staying connected, scheduling the calendar, talking on the phone, writing long emails. Nevertheless, today is one of those days when I am content to socialize with the inner crowd; that circle of women who together make up me.

It's a two-cup morning, one for me and one for myself. I'm drinking out of my favorite cup; the one with colorful African women on it. Often I clean my kitchen and straighten up the living room because someone is coming over and I really am not ready for them to know how sloppy I really am. But today I cleaned so I could invite myself over for tea and drink in the loveliness of my home while I take a moment to sit and be grateful for this moment. I'm wearing a dress, not because I have to, but because I feel content in it. I've got my favorite shoes on (flip-flops). I combed my hair and put on my favorite earrings. The sun is obliging by providing the special effects necessary for me to watch the shadow of leaves dancing with the design on my rug. I meditate, spend some time thinking about my friends, in praise of life. I giggle quietly at the oddity of my life with no apologies. I am not in the mood for brooding today. Today, my head and heart are chatting quietly and slowly about love, about flowers and sunrises and the joy in living through yet another day. Today, I am sipping my tea and savoring this wonderful taste of life.

It's such a lovely private moment that I wondered if I should share it. But then I thought perhaps it was worthy to invite you to have your own two-cup morning. Could you take a little extra time for yourself? to wonder? to wander? to sip slowly and savor the flavors of life? Could you invite yourself over for tea? You can you know. It only takes a short time, a few deep breaths and voila! Suddenly you are in the presence of the best company you ever invited over.

The BEST kind of work!

the best kind of work is disguised as a fairy godmother

appearing with the delight of a free ride and magical carriage

that whisks you away to a dance with the prince or princess

suddenly you've forgotten all about the time

as you effortlessly move through the steps required

before you know it the clock strikes twelve

may your work delight you this day!

jules, July 3, 2014

Notes to Self

so here is a sweet gem from 2011 that bears repeating.

Enjoy! ~Love, jules

Notes to Self

Practice Silence,

Take Pictures,

Listen with your Heart,

Learn Poetry,

Sing in All your voices,

Create Harmony in Community,

Work with Joy,

Play Hard,

Write Love Letters to your Friends and Enemies,

Spend Money Carefully,

Spend Love Frivolously,

Receive Gifts Generously,

Say YES,

Say no,

Breathe in Abundance,

Be Present/Show up,

Open your Heart to God's Grace,

Don't forget to feel your feet on the ground,

Hug trees,

Swim,

Remember that you are only one and still you are one,

No more and no less than a beautiful thread in the tapestry of creation,

Be and Do,

Take time to Give Thanks

Wallow in Joy

July 30, 2011 at 11:25am, Julie A. Bonde

,

SING A NEW TUNE

What if today we practice being fully present, if even for just a few minutes?

Perhaps just step outside your door.
or pause on the way to the car.
Stop and look around you.
Take in the beauty.
take in the chaos.
Take in the order.
Ponder the abundance.
Learn the flowers
Listen to the leaves
Feel the sun's kiss
or the rains gentle baptism
Wonder about the earth's embrace
Smile back and walk on.
Notice gratitude
Breathe the light
Sing a new tune

have a great day everyone!
love, jules
(6/24/2014)

BROWN PAPER PACKAGES

mysterious gracious gifts
arrive in the most unexpected packages
a song, a word, the color of leaf
encouragement from a friend
the twinkle in the eye of a stranger
dragonflies emerging from their nymph stage
wings and rainbow colors emerging
from their plain bodies
brown paper packages
revealing surprising treasures
rocks overturned
uncovering life beneath
hearts cracked open
exposing God's presence within
I sit stunned at this abundance
wondering how?
how did I get so lucky?

6/21/2014_ jules

The Beauty in the Mistake

Trial & Error, trial & error...conclusion, being yourself is easier after you've made a few really stupid mistakes. Then you kinda get over the idea that you're gonna be wonderful someday or that someone is going to notice. AFter letting go of that delusion, you can just show up as yourself, your beautiful wonderful self, warts and all. I think that's my favorite part about being in my 50's. Lots of those mistakes have already been made. Whew! And I kinda like who I am now. Hidden in the mistakes was the true me, waiting to just be.

Caught Between Technology and Reality

October 24, 2013
There seems to be two worlds. The virtual one and the real one. Some days I struggle with the relationship between the two.

I'm not one of those middle-aged people who is afraid of computers or technology. I've always been curious about how things work so I dig in and get involved. Gadgets intrigue me, puzzles compel me. I've taught myself html and excel. I've learned Adobe Photoshop and Indesign. I was one of the first parents to hop on Facebook when my kids started connecting there when they were in college. I had to find out what that was all about. I had no idea it would be us middle-aged folks or baby boomers who would populate the nation of Facebook and then Twitter, Google+, etc. 

I'm also not one of those people who think we need technology to connect. Though I was born in 1959, in many ways, I grew up in the previous century. As a missionary kid growing up in a third world country, we often lived in places without running water or toilets in the house. WE boiled water to make it clean enough to drink and to make our bath water warm. Occasionally I studied by kerosene lamp. For entertainment, we rode bike, walked the beaches, climbed the local mountain and had weekly "talent" shows. we made peanut butter, jelly and ice cream from scratch. It's possible to have everything you need without television, computers, factories or even telephones. 

Sometimes, my soul feels a little trapped between these two lives. I'm grateful for the comforts I now have, clean water, hot showers and streaming Internet that allows me to write this blog, for instance. I love that through the magic of the Internet, I can connect with a great friend in Sweden, stay in touch with acquaintances in Italy and see updates of news and pictures from my homeland, Madagascar. But I also feel a little trapped by the technology. If I don't keep up with the break-neck speed at which it all develops, will I be left behind by my friends? Some days by the time I have answered all the emails and text messages, I don't have any energy left to use my hands to pick up my guitar and play a song or spend some times cleaning up the clutter in my room. It worries me. There are days that I long for that life without electricity, where it was all so real, where our bodies worked with our minds to make it all happen. 

So where's the balance? Where's the connection between the two worlds? The one world is very sensory--colors, textures, sounds, tastes, requiring that we unplug from the wall and see where we are, notice what is around us, look each other in the eye and actually touch. The other world is full of information and people, connections, we can find out anything we want from anywhere in the world. We can learn anything and feed our creativity but it requires that we ignore where we are and follow our hearts and minds. 

How do I find the Holy One within it? How do I find my true self within it all? And where do the two worlds meet 

Sweet Surrender

Ever had one of these experiences?

• I told her to meet me here at 6:00 p.m. By 6:30 p.m. I am both worried for her safety and frustrated that she hasn't called to say why she didn't come. At 6:32 p.m. I surrender. I'm thinking something has come up to keep her away and too busy to call right now. I turn and walk upstairs to my room and start figuring out what I am going to do instead. Just as I get comfortable, the doorbell rings.

• We set out twenty chairs; thinking that's a good estimate for how many show up. It's a cold dank night. Only twelve come. After about twenty-five minutes, the empty chairs and spaces get to us so we take them out and close the circle. It feels better to be closer and feel whole as a circle. Within five minutes of removing the open chairs, two more people come and we have to add chairs back in.

• At 23, my husband and I were so in love and ready to be parents We figured it was time. So we started trying to have a baby. It seemed like an easy and pleasurable task to just get pregnant. But it wasn't as easy as we thought. With each passing month, we began to wonder if there might be something wrong. I confided in my older and wiser sister. She said, "just plan a vacation or a trip and it suddenly you'll be inconveniently pregnant." She was right. The minute we focused on something else, we did get pregnant and all was well.

• I couldn't believe my ears. The spiritual center was going to sponsor me doing a "Writing as Spiritual Practice" workshop. We set a date. We calculated what might be a reasonable amount to charge and how many people would need to attend to pay me and for supplies. A week before the event, only one had signed up so we canceled it. I told them I still wanted to do it. Maybe I could do it another time? Surprisingly they said yes. So we rescheduled it. This time, I told them that I was going to do it no matter what. If only one person signed up, I would be there. And if there wasn't enough money, I would just take a cut. I said, "we can negotiate that afterward." Twenty people signed up and numerous others asked if I would do a repeat so they could go. There was enough money to pay me in full and more!

These experiences teach me the beauty of surrender. What sometimes seems like a miracle is just me surrendering control over the outcome and opening myself up to the way things actually are. I haven't completely given up. I'm still in it...I'm still committed to the cause. It's just that the energy and blessing of it seem to flow so much better when I let go of the outcome. and my gratitude grows as well. And I'm wondering if you've had this experience too?

FIRE

this passion
burning deep within
consumes the trash heaped upon it
returning to dust and ashes
underbrush, dead branches,


life's longing for tomorrow
fueled by yesterday's adventure
this fire of love and forgiveness
burning everything
that stands in the way
creating space for the new
transforming life into life

(photos taken by jules while burning the brush pile at my mother in law's house)

a simple formula

just give me a couple hours
a cup of tea
a friend with true heart
and a gentle ear
then i'll feel like the richest,
most successful, most serene
and i'll be the best me in the world

~just jules, 5/9/14

welcome

In January I was a writer: teaching and inviting others to express fully
In February I was a retreat leader, inviting others to new ways of prayer with my teaching
In March I was a worship leader and a preacher during Lenten worship services
In April I sang a duet and emceed a celebration event

Monday, I am spiritual director
Tuesday, I am a hospice singer
Wednesday, I am a volunteer coordinator for the Dragonfly Project
Thursday, I'll help teach a class about leading retreats to other soon to be spiritual directors
Friday, I'll be a writer, a photographer and a friend

for a few minutes this morning I was a painter
and then I was a teacher
and all the while my back hurt, I am just another stressed person
later this afternoon I'll be practicing holy listening
tonight I'll be a cook

once upon a time I was
an administrative assistant,
a finance manager
and an awesome mom

just following my heart
one minute
one moment
one invitation at time

and noticing that the sun shines
or the rain falls
on each without preference
yet full acceptance
of the value
of each

welcome
welcome
welcome!


~jules
April 21, 2014

Longing to LIghten the Load

Journal entry  February 21, 2014
considering shedding...

growing up a missionary kid in a third world country,
I could count my possessions easily
3 pairs of shorts, 5 blouses
1 pair of shoes
a swimsuit
2 dresses to wear on Sundays
a sweater
a hat
my own Bible
my own journal
a couple silver bracelets

time was not wasted wanting more
nor managing my possessions save for laundry day
time was spent wondering, visiting friends,
climbing trees and mountains
bare feet on the ground
listening, watching
this is where I used to live

Grandpa's letters
Mom's journals
Uncle Kenneth's family tree
Han's boyhood, his whole life
souvenirs of my life in Madagascar
bits of the people I've lost
pieces of the places I've left behind
mementos and scraps I've written.
old reports from committees I've served
mixed in with leftover crayons
parts from toys long abandoned
junk overflows
lives in the dark corners of my basement
multiplies on flat surfaces everywhere
this is where I live now

feather light
lifted up on spirit's breath
like being a hole in the flute
music comes through
love stretching arms and hands
life wide open
hearts in flight
this is how i long to live

YOU ARE

YOU ARE by jules 11/14/2001

You are the gardener,

            Tenderly turning the soil,

Watering, fertilizing,

            Caring for each leaf and root,

You are the gardener,

            Loving unconditionally

Which the plants accept fully,

            Returning it with their fruitfulness.

You are the carpenter,

            Caressing, molding the wood

Finding usefulness in beauty,

            Finding beauty hidden deep within,

You are the Carpenter,

Carefully, precisely cutting,

Polishing, finishing,

Until the wood gives its luster.

You are the farmer,

            Tending his animals,

Respecting their needs,

            As they honor you,

You are the farmer,

            Nurturing, guiding,

 Knowing when to give

            And when to take.

You are the musician,

            Learning your craft,

Studying the masters and the common folk,

            You are the musician,

Pouring your soul out,

            Sharing the melody of your heart with others,

Lifting the spirit up to Life.

You are the healer

            Listening with your wisdom,

Touching with your heart,

            Accepting the child within,

You are the healer,

            Letting go of all that blocks,

So love flows freely

            Through you.

You are the student,

            Opening yourself to new possibilities,

Searching for Truth and Knowledge,

            No longer taking things for granted.

You are the student,

            Eating the feast prepared for you by

Those who have gone before you,

            Finding your own path for the journey ahead.

You are the teacher,

            Instructing our children,

Telling them the secrets of the world,

            Giving them tools they need to think,

Disciplining, guiding, encouraging,

            Celebrating the soul of each.

You are the teacher,

            Always in the cycle of learning,

Teaching, and learning again.

You are the cook,

            Cutting, measuring, mixing,

Timing, stirring, watching,

            Providing sustenance for our bodies.

You are the cook,

            Adding spice and color,

Preparing a feast for our stomachs and eyes,

            Making communion possible.

You are the actor/actress,

            Walking in another’s shoes,

Choosing to match actions to words,

            Entertaining, challenging the masses to think.

You are the actor/actress,

            Learning the difference

Between reality and fantasy,

            Expressing the truth behind the story.

You are the singer,

            Carefully exercising your voice,

Putting words to emotions, thoughts, faith,

            Creating harmony with others.

You are the singer,

            Celebrating life,

Honoring patriotism, and love, Worshiping God,

            And soothing the baby to sleep.

You are the mother,

            Up from dawn to dusk,

Creating a safe, clean place to live,

            Balancing schedules, needs, desires with resources.

You are the mother,

            Loving, caring, nurturing,

Guiding, protecting, nursing,

            Each relationship, each individual soul.

You are the child,

            Waiting, wondering, anticipating,

Plunging in carefree,

            Laughing and enjoying each pleasure.

You are the child,

            Scared of the unknown,

Unsure of your abilities,

            Looking for a hand to hold.

You are all that you imagine yourself to be,

            And you are all that you have not yet discovered.

You are no more and no less than a child of God,

            An essential part of the never-ending tapestry

Of the Spirit.

BURSTING

This is me holding back....

I am bursting to the seams
Filling with, falling into, wallowing in love
Waves of gratitude overwhelm me
as the awareness of the present moment sinks deeper
tiny atoms are dancing to the tune within each cell
Cells are filling with joy
all of IT spilling out, expanding
I can't grasp this abundance all at once
anymore than I can embrace the depth of sorrow all at once
What if suddenly the last 10 years of your life
created a masterpiece of wonder on your wall?
What if all the doubt, the fear, the rejection,
what if all the hope, the tidbits of wisdom
what if all the ways I thought I screwed up
All the ways I was devastated and alone
what if all those things merged into one?
What if all of it is just another molecule, another atom,
a drop of water, A teaspoon of salt, a scale,
a weed, a flower, a tail, sand, rocks, volcanoes
What if all of it is just the ocean, the land the planets and us?
what if I really am here?
What ir you are really here?
And we are one, one joy, one sorrow, one delight, one life,
what if we could really touch each other, really exchange wows
What would you share? Would yesterday show up to bow?
Would tomorrow grab your hand to dance?
Would today this moment lift us both past cloud nine?
love, hope, and yes, even darkness transforms us.
I'm bursting to the seams, another transformation shaping me
Will I grow wings? Will I suddenly run on all fours?
Will I take up gills and swim around the globe?
Or will I melt into the me I suspected was there all along
simple, joyful, present?

There's more but....here comes another wave....got dive in!

sending LOVE, JOY & GRATITUDE,

Jules, 1/28/2014

Here's to 30 more years!

Thirty years ago, yesterday, a wonderful and miraculous thing happened. I became a mother. I remember the instant of Jacob's birth like it was yesterday. It had been a long and arduous labor and then he came. and instead of a cry, he began trying to talk. He kept trying to say something, in clearing your throat sort of way until Pete put him right down next to my cheek and I greeted him for the first time. "Hello Jacob." He fell silent and we just stared at each other forever or maybe just a minute. I can't tell the time on this. I'm still in awe of this beautiful human being that I get to call my son.

But thirty years? Really? Has it really been that long? Yes, I guess it has. We've been through a lot together and we've been through a lot on our own. I believe so strongly in family and in community. STrong family and community relationships are essential to a happy and healthy life. And I also believe strongly in allowing each person time for a relationship with themselves, for independence. Sometimes I think I may have erred to far in that direction with my kids. Truly, they could each go off and live easily without me and that actually hurts a little. Perhaps the hardest part of parenting is not the raising of the children but the letting go and allowing them to not need us. sigh!

I'm not taking this blog entry to any particular place of wisdom or joy. I just woke up this morning realizing I hadn't taken time for this yesterday and whether my son needs it or not, I need to stop and say how grateful I am for him, for making me a mother. Nothing has brought me more joy, more love and more understanding than being a mother. No job, no other life event will ever be able to top the moment I became mother! There isn't enough superlative to say how grateful I am!

Nevertheless, I can't help but long for many more years to be a mother, even if only to adult children who are very independent. Is that greedy of me? oh well, than call me greedy because I will relish every chance I get to continue loving my son and his brothers as much as a mother can.

Happy 30th Birthday Jacob! Happy 30 years of parenting to me! and here's to many, many more for both of us!

All my love, mom

How Writing Saved My Life

She lived an invisible life

Hiding behind a shy facade

Hoping to not rock any boats 

with her passion for swaying

Longing for a way to say

how much she loved

Then one day the teacher said, "write"

Her pen hit the paper

Gradually word by word, 

Day by day, year by year

She became visible, alive

And now when I look in the mirror

I can see her plainly

And it makes me laugh.

Jules (January 18, 2014)

TIME TO SIGN UP FOR WRITING WORKSHOP!

Writing As Sacred Practice 
presented by Your Truly, Julie A. Bonde (jules)

We're only a couple weeks away and there's still room! 
It's time to sign up for this writing workshop.

Writing as Spiritual Practice

Saturday, January 18th

10 am to 2 pm

Nativity Lutheran Church

3312 Silver Lake Road

St. Anthony Village, MN

$35 includes materials (bring a bag lunch)

I am so excited to be offering this writing workshop. I can't wait to share the fun and wonder. Bring your friends. I hope to see you there. 

To register just click here.