The calm after the storm is gratitude sinking into your bones--Hallelujah

Sometimes a storm comes and hits
Before we have even a clue that it is brewing
Sometimes even when we see the huge wave coming
We cannot out run it in time to get away
And so it is with the emotions
Anger, sadness, frustration, fear,
Unpredictable and strong, they wash over us
Catching us up in the chaos and mess
We wonder how we could be so gullible
How we could get so carried away
What possessed us to let a  little storm get the better of us
But we are gullible, we do get carried away
Because we do care how things turn out
And so it is that the storm passes
A few branches knocked out of place
Perhaps some dents in the car
We walk around, amazed at the energy
The power that love can have over us
We are tired from being swirled around by the tides
And a deep sense of peaceful calm rises in us
We drink in the satisfaction of surviving
The beauty of life when the grime has been washed away
Then gratitude sinks into our very bones
Fills our every cell
And the next wave is Joy!
Hallelujah! Amen!

Panic

Here it comes again! that "life is short" slap,
That "What if" PANIC
Chest is tight. My stomach is tied in knots.
Heart won't stop pounding.
Body hurts, Soul is weary
I'm in panic mode....feel like I'm falling apart, feel like I have failed yet again.

How is it that I keep reaching out to love and end up hurting you and me?
How can I show you that when you stub your toe, mine aches?
That when you hide away, I suddenly am missing a piece of me?
I don't know what to do. I can't make the aching stop.
And if I don't make it stop,
I will be hurting you yet again as you feel my pain.
Oh the cruel joke of fear! None of it is based on truth and
yet we all believe it so readily.
I want to scream that LOVE can't be gotten rid of so easily.
I want to shout that I LOVE you with all my heart
Please don't leave just yet,

My hands are shaking; my resolve is too,
What happened to that warrior princess I was just
a day or two ago,
the one who conquered doubt with bold defiance?
the one who was sure she could handle anything?
My body falls limp with the thought
of the overwhelming list of what must be done
to be well, to recapture health and well-being
But life is to short not to try

I am pleading now with God
To let you be so happy that
Sorrow no longer touches you.
so that pain no longer lives in you
I am pleading for you life to be filled with beauty
I know it is a selfish plea
your happiness will increase mine
But I ask for it still

And I am pleading for my own well-being
Body is falling apart at the seams
Buttons flying and zippers getting stuck
Hurting from toe to crown
Hip is out, bursitis has set in, palms sweaty,
I'm pleading for skilled healers to come my way
for enough courage and strength to climb this mountain
for the jewels to be revealed in this darkness
Please catch me when I jump
Please hold me when I let go
Please give me one more chance
to breathe peace and beauty into the world

And then I let go, tears streaming down my face
and through the miracle of LOVE
your awkward faith catches me as I fall
My messy heart celebrates your light amidst the pain
Your tenderness and bravery in holding me
Lifting me up once again
As you and I each take the next step
On this journey we call LOVE.

(footnote: some days are just like this...Panic, Pain, and Peace all dancing together between your heart and mine, between Joy and Fear, because life is short.  And so it is...jules)

Beauty, Body and Being

Let the beauty you love be what you do. ~ Rumi

I was recently at a retreat center with a circle of women up north nestled in the wonderful Minnesota woods. This quote was on the chalkboard by the door to the dining room. It excites me, it soothes me, it celebrates me and it challenges me.

The topic of bodies also came up in a number of ways even though our intent for the weekend was quite spiritual in nature. It is inescapable that we are body, mind, and spirit...that we can't just be, that we must also do. It is inescapable that our body responds to our choices...sometimes with pain, sometimes with energy, sometimes with illness and fatigue.  In this culture the definition of the word beauty is tied so closely to our the word body but not all kinds of bodies...just one kind, that of a young slender female. So it is no surprise that in our one small group we had women struggling with body image, with health issues and with longing for touch. As the weekend went, the circle grew smaller because we kept moving closer to each other physically. we needed to be together, to feel the closeness of other. Lots of hugs were offered and received. Healing touch was given. Healing words were said. Love and beauty joined forces to bring laughter and joy. While we don't often talk about it, the experience of spirituality is experienced within these solid and sometimes flabby bodies of ours. The concept of Spirit or God is also experienced through beauty; the beauty we see around us in nature and the beauty we see of ourselves in one another.

So given all these definitions of beauty and body and spirituality, what does it mean to "let the beauty you love, be what you do?" Good question. It is a question that begets more questions. Where do I find beauty? What do I find beautiful? And what is that makes the passion for life rise up in me? How does that passion manifest itself in what I do or don't do? in what I say or don't say? And even if I can answer all these questions with certainty, do I have the courage to explore the frontiers of beauty and truth? Will my body have the strength to live into my glorious passion?

What about you? 

Perhaps we can hold hands, hold the mirror up for each other and wallow in the beauty of the Spirit together. Perhaps with your help, I will have the courage to let the beauty I love, be what I do.

hugs,

jules