BURSTING

This is me holding back....

I am bursting to the seams
Filling with, falling into, wallowing in love
Waves of gratitude overwhelm me
as the awareness of the present moment sinks deeper
tiny atoms are dancing to the tune within each cell
Cells are filling with joy
all of IT spilling out, expanding
I can't grasp this abundance all at once
anymore than I can embrace the depth of sorrow all at once
What if suddenly the last 10 years of your life
created a masterpiece of wonder on your wall?
What if all the doubt, the fear, the rejection,
what if all the hope, the tidbits of wisdom
what if all the ways I thought I screwed up
All the ways I was devastated and alone
what if all those things merged into one?
What if all of it is just another molecule, another atom,
a drop of water, A teaspoon of salt, a scale,
a weed, a flower, a tail, sand, rocks, volcanoes
What if all of it is just the ocean, the land the planets and us?
what if I really am here?
What ir you are really here?
And we are one, one joy, one sorrow, one delight, one life,
what if we could really touch each other, really exchange wows
What would you share? Would yesterday show up to bow?
Would tomorrow grab your hand to dance?
Would today this moment lift us both past cloud nine?
love, hope, and yes, even darkness transforms us.
I'm bursting to the seams, another transformation shaping me
Will I grow wings? Will I suddenly run on all fours?
Will I take up gills and swim around the globe?
Or will I melt into the me I suspected was there all along
simple, joyful, present?

There's more but....here comes another wave....got dive in!

sending LOVE, JOY & GRATITUDE,

Jules, 1/28/2014

Here's to 30 more years!

Thirty years ago, yesterday, a wonderful and miraculous thing happened. I became a mother. I remember the instant of Jacob's birth like it was yesterday. It had been a long and arduous labor and then he came. and instead of a cry, he began trying to talk. He kept trying to say something, in clearing your throat sort of way until Pete put him right down next to my cheek and I greeted him for the first time. "Hello Jacob." He fell silent and we just stared at each other forever or maybe just a minute. I can't tell the time on this. I'm still in awe of this beautiful human being that I get to call my son.

But thirty years? Really? Has it really been that long? Yes, I guess it has. We've been through a lot together and we've been through a lot on our own. I believe so strongly in family and in community. STrong family and community relationships are essential to a happy and healthy life. And I also believe strongly in allowing each person time for a relationship with themselves, for independence. Sometimes I think I may have erred to far in that direction with my kids. Truly, they could each go off and live easily without me and that actually hurts a little. Perhaps the hardest part of parenting is not the raising of the children but the letting go and allowing them to not need us. sigh!

I'm not taking this blog entry to any particular place of wisdom or joy. I just woke up this morning realizing I hadn't taken time for this yesterday and whether my son needs it or not, I need to stop and say how grateful I am for him, for making me a mother. Nothing has brought me more joy, more love and more understanding than being a mother. No job, no other life event will ever be able to top the moment I became mother! There isn't enough superlative to say how grateful I am!

Nevertheless, I can't help but long for many more years to be a mother, even if only to adult children who are very independent. Is that greedy of me? oh well, than call me greedy because I will relish every chance I get to continue loving my son and his brothers as much as a mother can.

Happy 30th Birthday Jacob! Happy 30 years of parenting to me! and here's to many, many more for both of us!

All my love, mom

How Writing Saved My Life

She lived an invisible life

Hiding behind a shy facade

Hoping to not rock any boats 

with her passion for swaying

Longing for a way to say

how much she loved

Then one day the teacher said, "write"

Her pen hit the paper

Gradually word by word, 

Day by day, year by year

She became visible, alive

And now when I look in the mirror

I can see her plainly

And it makes me laugh.

Jules (January 18, 2014)

TIME TO SIGN UP FOR WRITING WORKSHOP!

Writing As Sacred Practice 
presented by Your Truly, Julie A. Bonde (jules)

We're only a couple weeks away and there's still room! 
It's time to sign up for this writing workshop.

Writing as Spiritual Practice

Saturday, January 18th

10 am to 2 pm

Nativity Lutheran Church

3312 Silver Lake Road

St. Anthony Village, MN

$35 includes materials (bring a bag lunch)

I am so excited to be offering this writing workshop. I can't wait to share the fun and wonder. Bring your friends. I hope to see you there. 

To register just click here.