Thirty years ago, yesterday, a wonderful and miraculous thing happened. I became a mother. I remember the instant of Jacob's birth like it was yesterday. It had been a long and arduous labor and then he came. and instead of a cry, he began trying to talk. He kept trying to say something, in clearing your throat sort of way until Pete put him right down next to my cheek and I greeted him for the first time. "Hello Jacob." He fell silent and we just stared at each other forever or maybe just a minute. I can't tell the time on this. I'm still in awe of this beautiful human being that I get to call my son.
But thirty years? Really? Has it really been that long? Yes, I guess it has. We've been through a lot together and we've been through a lot on our own. I believe so strongly in family and in community. STrong family and community relationships are essential to a happy and healthy life. And I also believe strongly in allowing each person time for a relationship with themselves, for independence. Sometimes I think I may have erred to far in that direction with my kids. Truly, they could each go off and live easily without me and that actually hurts a little. Perhaps the hardest part of parenting is not the raising of the children but the letting go and allowing them to not need us. sigh!
I'm not taking this blog entry to any particular place of wisdom or joy. I just woke up this morning realizing I hadn't taken time for this yesterday and whether my son needs it or not, I need to stop and say how grateful I am for him, for making me a mother. Nothing has brought me more joy, more love and more understanding than being a mother. No job, no other life event will ever be able to top the moment I became mother! There isn't enough superlative to say how grateful I am!
Nevertheless, I can't help but long for many more years to be a mother, even if only to adult children who are very independent. Is that greedy of me? oh well, than call me greedy because I will relish every chance I get to continue loving my son and his brothers as much as a mother can.
Happy 30th Birthday Jacob! Happy 30 years of parenting to me! and here's to many, many more for both of us!
All my love, mom
These are my mom's, Camilla's, Christmas Cactus plants. We inherited them when she moved into the nursing home...a long time ago. (She died in 2007, 10 years ago) I don't know how old they are but likely 15 to 20 years old. I have never moved them to new pots. They just keep on living and I couldn't be more grateful, especially for the way they live!
waiting, waiting in silence
