CHEMO TREATMENT DAY---#12: A GOOD DAY--YAY!

October 14, 2020...one of the best days I've had in awhile. 

Due to extreme toxicity in my body from reactions to the chemotherapy (taxol), I skipped my treatment last Wednesday. My body really needed the extra days to detox and recover a little. in that process, today has been one of my best days in awhile. I even had some energy today. 

I met with my oncologist early this morning (virtually). We talked about all the reactions and how I"m doing and came up with a plan. First she cut the dosage for my chemo, going forward. Perhaps if it is not such a big dose, I won't get as strong a reaction. And then she said that going forward we would be deciding on a week by week basis whether we will finish the rest of the Taxol treatments. Currently, I have 4 more to go. She is hoping I will finish at least 2 more of those. I am glad that we have a back up plan, that there is a way out, if my body needs it. In a few weeks, this could all be over! Praying for the strength to make there.

And then at 10:30 am, I had my treatment for this week, which takes about 2 1/2 hours. I was sleepy and napped through most of it. The treatment room is always so quiet and peaceful. The nurses are always so kind.

As for my side effects, 

• the rash is still there on my arms but the burn and pain from the burn is gone! I am so grateful. Thank you dermatologist for giving me the right ointment! 
• my bone pain (mostly in my legs) is still bothering me. I continue to try to figure out when is the best time to take pain meds and sleeping aids for the best rest for me. 
• For my neuropathy (numbness in my feet and fingers), my oncologist prescribed another med that she says will bring some relief. So far I'm not noticing it but it's only been 4 days. I am hopeful.
• getting a good night sleep depends on how well I manage all of the above. But today I had a couple of awesome naps and now I feel pretty good.

So I'm coming back out of the rough of the last two weeks, getting more help from the docs and nurses and gradually finding my way back to life. Today's a good day! Yay! I even cleaned up the living room and the kitchen and made Pete dinner. 😊

If you haven't heard from me personally in awhile, my apologies. I just haven't had the energy to reach out to my close friends lately. I know you're there. I know you care but lately, I've spent most of my time just managing the pain and misery. I will reach out as my energy returns for it.

Meantime, I miss you all! I know you miss everyone too! I miss the sparkle in your eyes, the deep vibration in your laughter and song, the delight in your dreams of light and your sincere desire to make the world a better place. I miss you and I'm grateful to know you are there! so grateful! Thanks for being you and offering the world your heart.

I hope your day has some hope in it!

I leave you with on my recent favorite pictures.

The leaves drop down to catch the sunrise on a recent morning, shortly before falling to the ground.

This image fills my heart with color and hope and gratitude for the beauty. Enjoy!

Hitting the Wall and Asking for Help

the rash on my arms

So after weeks of dealing with every increasing side effects and accumulation of issues, I eally hit the wall on my tolerance for pain and misery. This last few days have been my most difficult so far. Generally I do have a tolerance for pain and a strong inclination to just do what I'm told. But everyone has their limits. And I am so grateful at this moment that I faced my limit and called out for help

Beginning Saturday, I was having a lot of pain---from the rash on arms, to the constant ache in my bones to something that feels like a belt cinched too tight around my stomach. This “stomach pain” has made it hard to breathe easy and hard to eat. And all of the above has made it hard to sleep and get rest. So then on Monday afternoon and Tuesday morning I called the nurse to get help; especially for my pain. That turned out to be a really good idea because I actually got help.

Here is what happened and some changes coming.

When I went in for my usual Tuesday blood draw yesterday, they kept me another hour and gave me a bag of IV fluids which made me feel much better. Before that, they had me meet with the Nurse Practitioner, Gorak. We talked and Gorak then made the following decisions:

· I will be skipping my chemotherapy treatment this week. Instead I am back in today for another round of fluids. Hydration is important.

· Because I've had so much pain in my stomach area, I will also be getting a CT scan on my abdomen. Gorak just wants to be sure there isn't anything else going on in that area. 

· I am also going to get referred to a dermatologist to see if there is anything else they can do for the painful rash on my arms.

· Finally, Gorak prescribed some pain meds which I have already gotten some relief from earlier today.

In addition, I heard from my oncologist, Dr. Huang, who gave her stamp of approval for skipping this week's chemo and also offered that she will cut back on the dosage in the coming weeks. I am at this moment unsure if that means I have 4 or 5 treatments left?

WITH LOVE AND GRATITUDE!

So, as I sit here with the fluids dripping in, I have a moment to reflect and mostly what comes up is gratitude. I'm so lucky to have my husband Pete by my side through this journey, helping me to figure what to do and how to get help. And I"m glad for that moment when I could admit I wasn't strong enough for this, because it got me here today, getting help. Perhaps, one of our strongest moments is when we can admit we can't do this alone. And the truth is we never can do it alone. Whether we feel it or not, we are always living in relationship with each other, leaning in to each other when we  can and reaching out when we can. And so it is! I'm here getting help because I can't do it alone. And I"m here because of you and your heart and your prayers. I'm here because you are, because we are.

So once again THANK YOU!

I am extremely grateful for all the help I am getting and that they took my misery seriously. Though still tired, I do feel better. My pain is easing and I am more confident again that I"ll be able to ride this out to the end.

 thanks for all your support! I love you all!

 Jules