PRAYING FOR UKRAINE

FINDING HOPE and TEARS IN PRAYER

praying for Ukraine

March 2, 2022

Ash Wednesday for many believers

At 10:00 am Central Time in the USA, the Lutheran World Federation hosted a service of prayer for the war in the Ukraine on Zoom. I had wanted to take time to really pray for this awful situation so I signed on. I was not prepared for how many and diverse a group of people it would be. Wow!

The people offering their thoughts and prayers on  the screen were from many different faith expressions and denominations. I didn't count those, just noted them. The people listening were from 45 countries, as far as I was able to count. See the list i have posted here. So there was translater button at the bottom of the screen so that most of us could hear in our own language. And apparently there were about 2000 people on the call. Wow!

They prayed for 

    wisdom

        kindness

            strength

                courage

                   love

                        hope

                           blessings

                                for diversity to be valued

                                    to love our neighbor

                                        for refugees to find safe homes

                                            for wealthy western countries to get over our egos

                                                and even COVID-19 pandemic

                                                    PEACE!

Many tears were shed on this side of the screen. And I remembered my friend Rena's words the other day--"With all that has happened in the past two years, I would ask you, "Why aren't we crying?" And suddenly it seemed like tears were an apt prayer for this horrible circumstance of yet another country trying to invade another by dropping bombs. Tears for letting go of our abiility to control, tears for the loss and grieving of so many, tears for our inability to be helpful, tears for sleepless nights, tears for the sadness of it all. Tears for the beauty of our unity as some 2000 people from nearly every continent gathered their hearts virtually to pray for peace in the world.  

I come away from that hour and a half with renewed hope. And I just wanted to share with you that this had happened. That there are people who want peace, who want to join their energy with others to make this world a better place. This one day of prayer does not fix everything but it is a good beginning because prayer changes us. When we open our hearts to wondering if there is a better way, to the possiblity that healing and courage and love can grow, we are already making healing and courage and love grow in ourselves and making space for that to happen for others as well.

Let us keep praying--in all the ways that we do--for all those things I listed--for wisdom, hope, strength, courage, love, and peace for all our human brothers and sisters all over the world.

As one of the speakers said today: "Let's commemorate this event by being hope!" Amen to that!

~sharing my thoughts and prayers, just Jules

                                            

The First Day of the Rest of My Life

The Last Day

Yesterday was the last day. I took my last chemotherapy pill at dinner last night. No party, no fireworks, just one last swallow and then just after I set my glass down, I got a “Wahoo!” text my from my daughter-in-law. That encouraged a few calls and words of celebration and breathing with a few family and friends. Even in this, I am supported. Thank you!

It was a big day for me. It still seems a bit surreal. Really? Am I really done? There are no more scans and biopsies scheduled. I won’t see my oncologist again until September 15^th. (for the record, my particular kind of breast cancer does not have any blood markers…so the only way to tell if there is more cancer is scans and biopsies, of which I’ve had plenty). I’m still wrapping my brain around the idea that I might get to move on. Really? Meanwhile part of me is hopeful that I might actually get to make progress on my side effects as my body detoxes from the poison we know as chemo.

The First Day

Back in the day, it was a popular saying “today is the first day of the rest of your life.” Today that saying is just true for me. I feel like I’m starting over again, praying for guidance, for health, for presence of mind and heart to live fully and deeply. It is all that matters at this moment, to live fully and deeply and show up for myself and for others, the best I know how. There is still a lot of healing to do. There is a lot of work yet to do,  a LOT of work to do but starting today, I have been the gift of another day to do it in.

I look forward to leaning more into my passions again. I look forward to being with Pete and our kids and grandkids for a week up at a cabin up north later this month. I look forward to many more quiet mornings sitting on the patio, listening to the birds sing while I sip my tea or do a sudoku or the crossword puzzle. I love waking up early for a quiet morning! I look forward to singing again more, now that we can, with all the lovely voices I’ve come to adore in the groups I sing with. I look forward to connecting with friends, as we are able and enjoying those magical moments when we just know that we are connected, that we are one, that this world is one with us. I look forward to more deep conversations about love and God with book groups and in spiritual direction and with family/friends.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I’m going to start by giving thanks and listening for my heart. I’m going to start by saying Thank you! And then having a few tears to honor this moment when I get to move on.

Peace be with you dear friends! Love be with you dear family!

Love, Jules

Thanks to Rena Lindgren for the photo of me walking through the stone threshold from our trip in 2015 to Pipestone National Monument.

End of Phase 3--BREATHING AND COMPASSION IN TREATMENT

 

The Sunrise of our New Life? I hope so.

February 3, 2021--my last day of radiation treatments

Today is my last day out of 20 radiation treatments! Wahoo! I can't believe it!

Four weeks of radiation has been way, way easier to handle than 5 months of chemotherapy or even surgery. Evenso, I've had to drive to the hospital every weekday for three weeks and get zapped. About a week ago I started getting the expected burn on my skin and an itchy rash. So it hasn't been without some discomfort and inconvenience. But it also hasn't been all bad.

During my visits, I met a lovely man from Zimbabwe. What a sweet human he is! Each day he greets everyone in the office as he walks in the door and asks how they are. I am glad to have crossed his path, however briefly. And every person who works on me at radiology treats me with kindness and dignity and affirmation. I am grateful for the peole who work there.

During my drives to and from, I've been learning more about country and our world as I listen to NPR radio shows. I've also been listening to a lovely book, "An Altar in the World: A Geography of Faith" by Barbara Brown Taylor. This books focuses on all the ways in which we encounter God as we walk through our lives.

Alongside this time, I've been participating in a spiritual practices group via Zoom.  This group is sponsored by our church but not exclusive to members. Since October, four of us have been taking turns teaching a new prayer practice each month. Last month we learned about focusing on compassion. My favorite part was the practice of breathing in the pain, holding it for a moment and then breathing it out and releasing it. The idea is to focus on someone who needs compassion and breathing in their pain and then releasing it. Cooincidentally, part of my radiationt treatments is to "take a deep breath and hold" while the radiation is administered. "Now you can breath," the therapist says when each position of radiation is accomplished. Due to my prayer focus on compassion, I've been using my daily radiation treatments as a time to prayer for healing, to breathe in the illness and breath it out, making space for the healing. I've been praying for myself and for others. And maybe I'm encountering God in the radiology therapy machine. Hmmm. 

I never expected for this to happen, but it did. And as a result, I feel like my energy level has been good. Though I'm glad today is the end of it, I'm not worn out from it. I feel reassured and more confident that healing will come. Compassion is the beginning of healing right now for me and for my friends and neighbors and even those I disagree with. Perhaps as we make more room for compassion, we make more room for healing. I hope this is so.

Even as I end my treatments I am going to continue this practice: "Take a deep breath, breathe in the pain and hold it for a moment" then "Breathe out, releasing it all." 

Will this be the end? I don't think so. But I do hope it is the beginning of a stronger healing time. I hope this for all of us. I hope this is the sunrise of our our new life!

Breast Cancer Update--December 2020

It has been a while since my last breast cancer update. Until the holiday break, I was pretty busy catching up with work and friends and frankly just recovering. So I finally have a moment to sit down and catch you up a bit.

• SURGERY--December 2nd, I had a lumpectomy. They also took a lymph node. It has been 3 weeks and I am healing well. My energy level is good. My surgical wounds are healing, although not quite all the way yet. I met with my surgeon last week and he said all was healing well. I have some fluid in my breast at the sight of the lumpectomy but he said that will go away naturally and is rather normal for this type of surgery. My pain has gone way down, so I stopped taking the prescription pain meds.
• PATHOLOGY REPORT--the pathology report was good. The tissue they took from the margins around the lump was negative--no cancer. The lymph node they took out was negative--no cancer. The lump had shrunk considerably but not all the way. All of this was good news to me. I am excited to have it all out of me and leave that tumor behind in 2020.
• RADIATION TREATMENTS--even with all the good news, they are recommending radiation treatments because radiation can kill things they can't see. so I'll be doing those in January. I will be having 20 treatments, Monday through Friday, 5 days a week for 4 weeks. The radiologist says that the main side effect is fatigue with also some redness on the skin which can be treated with creams. Skin is pretty good a rejuvinating so that shouldn't be too bad. It will certainly be a lot less trouble than the chemotherapy has been.
• STILL RECOVERING FROM CHEMOTHERAPY--I continue to have a pretty bad case of neuropathy in both my feet (toes plus foot pads) and fingertips. So far it doesn't seem to be getting better but I am reassured that it sometimes takes up to a year for this to get better. Please pray for this healing. I would love to get my feeling back and have more control and not be so clutsy.

Meantime, I am so grateful for this holiday break without treatments and time to heal. Tomorrow, we will be foolish or brave and celebrate Christmas with our children and grandchildren, who happen to be our COVID bubble. I honestly haven't seen anyone else in person since I was diagnosed at the end of June and some people I haven't seen since February or March. 

I am also grateful for all the friends and family supporting me with prayer and phone calls or Zoom calls. I am so grateful for this support and wouldn't have survived this far without it. Thank you all for that!

I pray you have a healthy holiday celebration filled with PEACE and SURPRISES OF JOY! Merry Christmas! Happy New Year! 

with love and prayers,

Jules

Our Time Within May Lead to New Path

I’ve been drawing labyrinths for about 15 years now. I fell in love with them after walking my first one before I even really knew what they were. Labyrinths have been around for millennia, giving people a meditative path to walk on, without having to go far. It is not a puzzle but a single path to the center. Traditional labyrinths (like the one pictured to the left here) have only one path to the center, which you walk, then when you are ready, return on the same path to get out. This is symbolic of prayer and meditation. We pause, go in to the center, and then return to our lives.

For 2020, I suddenly felt like we needed a new path, a new labyrinth. So I drew this blue one and added notes. In this one we walk to the center, then when we are ready, we walk out by a different path, visiting some of the same scenery but ultimately coming out changed and in a different place. It gives me hope at that this time of going in and then staying in, (this time of the COVID-19 quarantine) will be a time of change, that we will be able to come out of it transformed in a good way and on a new path! In the meantime, please enjoy my labyrinth experience with your fingers...or draw one on the driveway to share.  

                                                
                               ~ prayerfully, jules

You can also access this labyrinth photo here: https://photos.app.goo.gl/BwBJK8THdeNDKEYM6

Grounding--day 19

Sunday, March 15, 2020

(COVID-19 (aka Corona Virus) global shutdown is in process)

In the last week, almost everything I participate in has been cancelled, shut-down, postponed..etc. Pete and I are regular Sunday church people. It's been part of our life since we met and still is. Today the churches are closed and you can watch some version of it online, without the people. In a couple days all the schools in the state will be closed and we might have an opportunity to help watch grandchildren while our children balance work and health and home. Three days ago, Pete and the Dragonfly Project Board had to make the difficult decision to cancel our 18th Annual Celebration and Remembrance event. After that, I confess, I did a spin around the panic park and got centered on the realization that this virus will affect every single person on this planet in some way, even if they don't get sick. It's a LOT to take in and a LOT to adjust to!

So what to do? How do I begin again?

Fortunately, I didn't have to wait too long for one idea. Yesterday, my spiritual director posted that she was going to take a "prayer walk" this morning with an open invitation for others to join. So this morning, that is just what Pete and I did. We went on a prayer walk at Silverwood Park with my spiritual director. It's about a mile loop around the park. 

As we walked in the cold sunshine, we talked about concerns and a long list of people and circumstances...each thing then became another prayer. We prayed for peace and hope, for people who will be grieving, for those who are isolated, for those who will experience losses small and large (things like lost wedding or graduation parties, no elective surgery so no new knee; things like lost hope). We prayed for those whose health is vulnerable already, for those who will suffer from the isolation, for those who are hungry and cold and homeless and now deal with this added threat. We wondered too how we might step up and help our neighbor. And while we prayed and talked, we breathed the fresh cold air and enjoyed the nurture of nature. 

Afterward, Pete and I took a little extra time to go out to the island where I got some close up pictures of the ice and leaves having their winter time together. For me, the joy of the art these two items create together gave me so much joy. Then we paused quietly to listen to the ice popping on the lake ...the ice creating a sort of Alleluia/Amen to our morning worship.

I think this might be our new Sunday practice, as weather and time permit. 

I pray you find a way to ground yourself back to love during this time of the virus crisis.

peace,

Jules

THE GIFT WITHIN

THE GIFT WITHIN

Close your eyes.
Imagine your favorite place
What does it look like?
What does it smell like?
What does it feel like?
What does it sound like?
Who else is there?
Stay there for awhile and hang out.
Feel the love and the beauty of that place sink into you.

did you know that you carried paradise around inside of you?
Did you know you could visit anytime you want without paying a dime?

Peace Be

So last night as I was falling asleep, I thought of something that belonged on my to-do list that I keep forgetting. I had such a great sleep last night, best one in a long time, but I was kicking myself for not getting up and writing that forgetful item down. I have NO idea what it was!

In an effort to remember, I decided to sit down and run through my whole TO-DO list on paper. It is a good practice for me to once in a while sit and write it all down. I wondered too, what other things I might be forgetting. And now I'm wondering when I am going to do all that and if I really do all that? My goodness! Life so easily fills in the blanks, that I might have to get better at scheduling space for thought and reflection.

So, I wish I could remember what I forgot AND I'm also grateful that the reason I forgot is that I had one of the best rests last night. I am so grateful to wake up refreshed. I think a good sleep might be one of life's best treasures.

And I'm grateful for having a life, however messy and weird it might be. I have a life to live and that's a good thing even if I can't do it all.

And I'm grateful for my young friend who came over yesterday and inspired me with her creativity and incredible presence and her truth. Thank you.

So, peace to the forgetful mind. It'll likely come back to my consciousness when I least expect it but if it doesn't, the world won't end. Life will go on.

And peace to this day. Just a little love and kindness will get us through.

And peace to all who are struggling with something today. A little prayer will help. (I know all your prayers help me)

And peace to my neighbor who just stopped by for a moment just now. She need some tea and I was happy to be able to provide her with some. I am grateful for her presence on my block.

And peace to my friends far and wide who have either asked for my support or provided support for me when I have asked. We all need a little help from our friends. We really do. We're not going to finish this race without that.

So I started with being frustrated at myself and my forgetfulness and end with gratitude for the richness of friends and neighbors, the gift of sleep and a little kindness and the healing that comes with a little prayer.

And that's why I like the practice of journaling and blogging and even the occasional Facebook post. It can help us find the gifts, if we give ourselves the time and space.

Peace be with you this day!

love, jules

GRATITUDE MONTH--DAY #7: CLOUD PAINTINGS

GRATITUDE MONTH--DAY #7: Cloud Paintings
photos by Julie (jules) Bonde

Clouds get a bad rap sometimes. I've been known to whine quite annoyingly about clouds and cloudy days; especially those dull, gray, overcast days when it's more like on gigantic cloud is covering everything under the sun. But when the clouds open just a wee bit and play with the sun, magical things happen. I learn then, that clouds add a great richness to the canvas of light over my head and even sometimes the canvas of night as the moon shines through. It is the clouds as well as the pollution that create the bright orange of sunrise and sunset that I can't seem to get enough of. Every second is another whole masterpiece of texture and color, stunning artwork! The view over my head lifts my heart, inspires my soul and helps me breathe. And from it I learn that light playing with the messiness, even the darkness, of life can create a stunning artwork indeed. I learn that all I need for peace, for prayer, is a moment long enough to gaze skyward. But you don't have to take my word for it. You can just look up. Today, I'm grateful for Cloud Paintings!

Let Us See What Love Can Do

A crowded sky
So many clouds
So many storms

One has a fiery furnace
Another gale force wind and drenching rain
And yet another thunder and lightening

A crowded town square
So many signs and slogans
So many voices screaming

One has hate
One has resistance
and yet another is ready with war

There's a traffic jam in my heart
There's congestion on the world wide web
Judgments flying faster than the speed of Light
Sirens warn of impending doom
A person could really get lost in it

Questions arise
How? Why? what now?
Where do we go from here?
What does it all mean?

As I breathe into my prayer here
I close my eyes so I can see with my heart
And that's when I hear the whisper of wisdom
And hear the song once again...

"Let us see what LOVE can do."

Jules, 9/6/2017

A week wrapped in love and a "rain-set"

Last night's "rain-set" (a combination of rain and sunset) was spectacular. Here is a photo of the sunset through the gentle rain that had fallen all afternoon ( out my book door). As Pete and I stood on our back steps and watched, I kept thinking that this was a week wrapped in love and prayer. The sun and rain helped me see that. Let me explain.

I have to back up a ways. At the end of June, our son noticed a bump on Pete's neck which we decided should be checked out. then there was a doc visit, an ENT visit, a CT scan, a biopsy and an ultrasound. On August 4, Pete was diagnosed with papillary thyroid cancer. That whole first week after the diagnosis, I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. It took all my strength to not jump to horrible conclusions. And actually the news was good. This is a cancer with a 95% cure rate, even after 20 years. And Pete is one of the healthiest people I know. But I've been down the path that runs through the shadow of death before and I've lost people, including my 11 year old son Hans (in 2000). Just because everything looks good doesn't mean it is. I know this truth in my bones and deep in my heart. So I reached out for support and prayers because no matter how things turn out, life is just better when the community focuses on blessing and supporting each other.

On Wednesday, September 14, (just two days ago) Pete had his surgery at the U of M hospital with the same surgeon who did my parathyroid surgery 5 years ago. This helped give me confidence in the outcome. I totally trusted Dr. Evasovich. Then on the day of surgery, my friend Cheryl, and Pete's sister Kris (and later my children) joined me in the family waiting room. It was a long, long day which included a 3-hour delay before the surgery started. But we weren't wrong about Dr. Evasovich. She did a great job taking out his thyroid and several lymph nodes as well as avoiding all the risks of nerve damage. She even caught an extra problem in one of Pete's parathyroids and removed that.

All the while, I knew people were praying and sending love and holding us tenderly in their hearts. It was exhausting to wait but inside, at the center, I felt a peace that passes all understanding. It was similar to something I had felt before when our son Hans got brain cancer...the mystery of beauty in the midst of pain and chaos, the mystery of how people can hold one another with love.

Yesterday, Thursday, I brought Pete home from the hospital around noon with every hope that he will fully recover. He has a very sore throat but was able to eat and spent most of the afternoon resting. And then in the evening a very sweet thing happened. There was this poetic movement of the sun echoing off of every raindrop as it sank into the horizon. Yellow and orange filled the sky as the rain continued to fall. I couldn't help but think this is what happens when everyone prays...the light shines and echoes off of every teardrop, every deep sigh. Tears wrapped in love turn to gratitude and joy. This is another truth sinking deep into my bones. Light and love change everything, even a week spent fighting cancer.

So I offer my gratitude to God, to all of you, to the mystery of how love can make a rain-set appear on your back steps at the end of day full of struggle. Thank you for wrapping my week in love!

Love, jules ~ 9/16/16

A Morning Prayer

This week a poem of mine is featured on the Christos Center Blog...enjoy!

http://www.christoscenter.org/a-morning-prayer/

TIME TO SIGN UP FOR WRITING WORKSHOP!

Writing As Sacred Practice 
presented by Your Truly, Julie A. Bonde (jules)

We're only a couple weeks away and there's still room! 
It's time to sign up for this writing workshop.

Writing as Spiritual Practice

Saturday, January 18th

10 am to 2 pm

Nativity Lutheran Church

3312 Silver Lake Road

St. Anthony Village, MN

$35 includes materials (bring a bag lunch)

I am so excited to be offering this writing workshop. I can't wait to share the fun and wonder. Bring your friends. I hope to see you there. 

To register just click here. 

there is no future, without love

there is no future, without love

stopped in my tracks
distracted by thoughts
pondering politics and hurricanes
damns on rivers and whales
health care and welfare
growth and progress
oil being squeezed out of rock
working four jobs to get enough
always wondering how much is enough
enough time, enough money,


watching the leaves blow down the street
looking up at the naked trees
feeling the coming winter in my bones
long shadows crossing my path
pulling the scarf around me
wrapping myself inward
pausing in my 'busy' life
to wonder about being enough and
to  repeat a prayer i heard today
"there is no future without love"


(jules, 11/1/12)

About Prayer

Oh dear! I was all set to write some boring blog about how prayer has meant so much to me in my life, and how I got there but then I ran smack dab into this Mary Oliver poem that says it all in 12 syllables. I don't think I can say it better so here it is:

"Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it."
     ~Mary Oliver


Prayer, as described here, is one of the secrets of a peaceful, joyful life. Thanks Mary!

have joyful day!

love, jules