The First Day of the Rest of My Life

The Last Day

Yesterday was the last day. I took my last chemotherapy pill at dinner last night. No party, no fireworks, just one last swallow and then just after I set my glass down, I got a “Wahoo!” text my from my daughter-in-law. That encouraged a few calls and words of celebration and breathing with a few family and friends. Even in this, I am supported. Thank you!

It was a big day for me. It still seems a bit surreal. Really? Am I really done? There are no more scans and biopsies scheduled. I won’t see my oncologist again until September 15^th. (for the record, my particular kind of breast cancer does not have any blood markers…so the only way to tell if there is more cancer is scans and biopsies, of which I’ve had plenty). I’m still wrapping my brain around the idea that I might get to move on. Really? Meanwhile part of me is hopeful that I might actually get to make progress on my side effects as my body detoxes from the poison we know as chemo.

The First Day

Back in the day, it was a popular saying “today is the first day of the rest of your life.” Today that saying is just true for me. I feel like I’m starting over again, praying for guidance, for health, for presence of mind and heart to live fully and deeply. It is all that matters at this moment, to live fully and deeply and show up for myself and for others, the best I know how. There is still a lot of healing to do. There is a lot of work yet to do,  a LOT of work to do but starting today, I have been the gift of another day to do it in.

I look forward to leaning more into my passions again. I look forward to being with Pete and our kids and grandkids for a week up at a cabin up north later this month. I look forward to many more quiet mornings sitting on the patio, listening to the birds sing while I sip my tea or do a sudoku or the crossword puzzle. I love waking up early for a quiet morning! I look forward to singing again more, now that we can, with all the lovely voices I’ve come to adore in the groups I sing with. I look forward to connecting with friends, as we are able and enjoying those magical moments when we just know that we are connected, that we are one, that this world is one with us. I look forward to more deep conversations about love and God with book groups and in spiritual direction and with family/friends.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I’m going to start by giving thanks and listening for my heart. I’m going to start by saying Thank you! And then having a few tears to honor this moment when I get to move on.

Peace be with you dear friends! Love be with you dear family!

Love, Jules

Thanks to Rena Lindgren for the photo of me walking through the stone threshold from our trip in 2015 to Pipestone National Monument.

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER YEAR, ANOTHER SUNSET

June 24, 2021 with photos of tonight's sunset and moonrise!

A year ago today, I had my first intravenous chemotherapy treatment. That was the first day of many as I had 5 1/2 months of two different chemotherapy treatments. Then a lumpectomy. then radiation and then a chemotherapy pill. Plus a lot of side effect issues. 

On Tuesday, June 29th, I will be done with that nasty chemo pill and with treatment. After Tuesday i can  focus on detoxing and doing what I can to help heal up all the side effects; especially the neuropathy. It will be a long road still, I suspect. 

Even so, today is a good day. This morning our dear Thursday book group had a social time, our first in-person gathering in over a year. What a treat to see and touch and hear each other in person! Then this evening, we went swimming with Jacob & Karl and their families. After swimming we were able to make it to cemetery hill just in time to see the last of the sunset and the full moon, aka the pink super moon. It was a glorious end to this beautiful day and this quiet little anniversary of my journey.

In many ways it is just another day and just another year and just another sunset. And in many ways, it is unique and special. Each day is unique, each sunset is unique and you never know what will happen in the lake or on the playground when Grandpa Pete and Solveig and WEndell and Sophie take off on their pirate ship. 

I do know this, I have all of you to thank. Thanks to my adorable, faithful and clever husband for holding me up and putting up with me this last year. thanks to my adorable children and grandchildren for being my Covid pod. Thanks to my book group who agreed to meet me online all through 2020 and into 2021.Thanks to my Tuesday writing group for the same weekly commitment all through the pandemic. Thanks to my students for allowing me to guide them. Thanks to my church community for providing so much connection online so that we felt connected. Thanks to everyone for all the prayers. Thanks to my amazing friends who held me up in their hearts and let me be me in the midst of it all. And on and on the gratitude goes. I couldn't have done it with out all of you. You are my life lines.

And I couldn't have done it without the sunset and the moon rise and the beauty of this world. I am so grateful for all of this and look forward to more years of beauty and wonder with you all.

Thanks be to God! Amen!
love you big,

Jules

Here is tonight's sunset and moon rise! Enjoy!

CANCER UPDATE: Scans and good news and daisies!

Hi sweeties, my dear ones,

I have had trouble writing a health update of late. As soon as I start to write, I get distracted and by the time I get back, I'm in a whole different place and need to start over. So I'm going to try in one sitting to give you an update as short as possible. (and that did not happen--it is now several days later already.)

Here is a "quick" summary of the last month or so.

April 26--after going to the ER I was diagnosed with cellulitis and put on 10 days of antibiotics. My main symptom was a swollen breast...with some pain but no fever or sickness. Initially the fluid and swelling in the breast went down.

May 7--In June of 2020, when I was being diagnosed with breast cancer they also saw a couple of nodules on my lung. So May 7th, I had a follow up Chest CT Scan. The nodules were "stable" so that was good but the radiologist some somthing "else" on my thoracic spine. They wondered if it might be cancer so they scheduled an MRI.

Tuesday, May 18--I was awakened at 5am with pain under my left arm and some in my breast. The fluid and swelling had gone up again. So I called my oncology nurse for help. She did 2 things--upgraded my virtual appointment to an in person appointment with my nurse practitioner and she referred me to a lymphedema therapist. I was so grateful I had called.

Wednesday, May 19--I had my blood levels checked. All were good. No indication there of any infection. All good news!

Thursday, May 20--I saw the nurse practiioner. After examing me, he said quite empahtically "I am quite sure this all from your surgery and radiation. sometimes people get the fluid even 3 years later." but just to be sure, he set me up with a diagnostic mammogram. I went home encouraged that someone (besides me) had examined me and concluded that my experience was within the normal range of experience. This was good news to me! 

Friday May 21--8:30 am. I had the MRI on my spine....they were looking for what they thought might be a cancer spot that had showed up in the previous CT scan. They found no evidence of cancer, just an old injury which made sense since I had fallen on the steps last july and landed on my tail bone. So nothing new to worry about there. GOOD NEWS!

Friday, May 21--1:15 pm I had my initial session with the lymphedema therapist. she gave me massage on my lymph nodes and exericises to do to help my lymph nodes keep working better.  I think it is helping some. I'm not good at regular exercise but I'm motivated. It is good news that I have something to do to help myself that isn't taking more drugs. YAY!

Massage: In addition, I am having a weekly massage with Janet Midthun. Cooincidentally she also knows how to do the lymphedema work and I think that helps me too. So grateful for Janet and her availability to me! more good news.

Chiropractor: I also see the chiropractor every 2 weeks to keep my spine aligned and neck too.

THURSDAY, MAY 27TH--AN ANNIVERSARY--last year on this day I found a lump in my breast, just two days after George Flloyd's murder. What a year! I'm happy to still be in it! still here!

May 27--  I had my diagnositc mammogram. It was 98% possitive. the radialogist was 98% sure that the little spot they did find was nothing but to be sure he scheduled me for a needle biopsy. Sigh! Another test and more looking for cancer.

June 1st--11am, I had my needle biopsy. The nurses and the radiologist were super nice to me and it only took a half hour! In spite of the test, this was a good day for me! I was so grateful for the people who keep doing this work and do it well.

June 2nd--2 pm, a nurse at the Breast Center called to tell me that my test results were in. NO CANCER! So I asked her about the fluid in my breast and she said it might take months for it to go away. Okay...good to have that clarified again. While I was still talking to her, Goran, the nurse practioner called to tell me the good news too. I got a kick out of how they both called me immediately after getting the report. Goran, said all that showed was dense breast tissue with some bits of calcification. He said I should keep doing the lymphedema and massage and that both of those things would help. GOOD NEWS! I shed some tears of gratitude and relief. Nothing new to worry about! 

Xeloda....June 25 is my last scheduled dose of this chemotherapy pill. Hopefully my oncologist doesn't have anything else to give me. My body and my heart are so ready to be done with chemo. Whew!

Daisies and songs...haha..this is basically an excuse to share my daisies with you. One of my deep joys in life has been daisies, their simplicity and their stunning beauty. Daisies are good news too, along with the fact that I had my lovely Morningstar Singers over on Tuesday night for our first in-person singing in over a year! Good news indeed!

It's been a long taxing year. Please keep praying that my neuropathy heals. I am ready to get my life back, even if it is a different life than before.

Thank you all for your deep support of me over this last year, for listening to me ramble, for allowing me to not always be the cancer girl, for loving me as I am.

I am so grateful and wouldn't have made it through the year without you.

Love you big,

You are good news!

Jules