The Basement Excavation: Pushing through the Wall

Often when we go on a diet, we lose a lot of weight in the first couple weeks. The first ten pounds are pretty easy, although we have worked hard at the new habit of either not eating or eating healthier. It's great! We are proud of ourselves with good reason. We're making progress. It makes us want to keep going, to lose more but then something happens. Our body slows down the weight loss. The needle on the scale doesn't move. We hit the dieting wall. We work just as hard but with less results. Sigh!

Clearing my basement has been like going on a diet. It's been hard and it's been rewarding up to a point. At first it felt like I was making progress, emptying boxes. But as the days rolled on, it got harder. Four weeks into my 2-box-a-day commitment it began to feel like nothing was happening at all. I kept doing the work but it kept feeling messy, lost and confusing. Like the kid in the back seat, I kept wanting to ask, "Are we there yet? when are we going to get there?" Ugh! I have some days where I just wanted to close the basement door and forget it. Then I got sick with a cold this last week and that about undid the whole thing for me. Like in the beginning I would walk down the stairs, look around and then just come right back up. I really needed some new energy.

Fortunately for me a solution presented itself. Our son and daughter-in-law (Karl & Erica) live nearby. They are working on a project at their house too so we decided to do an exchange of help. So yesterday I got my burst. For the first time since I started the project, we were able to move furniture around and begin to create the new areas. We also did some deep cleaning as we moved things. The result makes the clearing much more real. Now when I look around, I can see the open spaces. It feels good. It feels like I might have actually done something. I still feel the burden of how much is left to do but I feel a renewed sense of commitment.

We will over time meet several walls in our lives. Some of these walls will be "dark nights of the soul." Some will just be piles of  laundry or bills to pay. I confess there have been times when I sensed a wall and just turned myself around and went a different direction. It's hard to go through the walls, be in the discomfort long enough, sweat a few drops, get dirty and weary. But we don't necessarily have to do it alone. We can get help. It is amazing how much easier it is to push through that wall when we have someone willing to stand next to us, to be in it with us.

I pray that you will have someone willing to stand with you when you face your wall.

love, jules

The Basement Excavation: Remembering Mom and Dad

Case #3: Remembering Mom and Dad

The other day I was sorting though another old box of my mom's. She had old letters, school programs; a chaos of papers. She used to save everything we ever did, every letter we wrote, everything. I came accross a card I made for my parents for their 30th anniversary. It was exquisite in both design and content. I was professing my love and gratitude to them for the gift of family they had given me. It undid me. I remembered how much I loved them and how much I miss them. Mom and Dad weren't perfect but I do believe I learned about love from them, real love. I wish with all my heart and body that I could tell them how I've lived in that love and used it. Oh the ache of that moment and the sweetness of knowing I had given them a gift in return, of gratitude. I didn't get much done the rest of that day. Perhaps I won't throw that card just yet.

Sometimes I wish, really wish that Mom hadn't saved everything, that she had let go. But that day, I was grateful. And I know her well enough to know she let go of plenty. Sigh!

Update:

AS of today, March 10th, I have gone through 66 boxes. 40 of those boxes have been emptied. some have been reused to haul things away to recycling or the thrift shop. In addition I've unloaded 4 big bags of clothes. Lots of tears have been shed as I face old family baggage that I've avoided for a LONG Time (at least 15 years). They have been therapeutic tears though exhausting at times. Today there are no tears and I'm grateful for that too. Today I just feel good to still be in it, to have not given up yet.

I've been saying that the word for the year is CLEAR. I love that you can interpret this in a number of ways. i'm still waiting for a sweet mission statement to come out of this, a nice statement of intention that makes the purpose all CLEAR.

I am praying and yearning for God's guidance and wisdom in all of this. If I let go of the old family stuff, will I better be able to handle the truth of family that is NOW? i hope so. and will I find renewed energy to pursue other dreams? I hope so.

Gratitude:  Many thanks to those friends, I think you know who you are, who have been so supportive of me during this project. I am so grateful! ~ jules