STAYING AT HOME (Grounding in Home)

STAYING AT HOME / GROUNDING IN HOME
April 12, 2020 [it's been almost 30 days since we started closing down and sheltering at home during the Coronavirus/COVID-19 crisis]

Officially, during the last 4 weeks, we have been under a "Stay at Home" order in Minnesota. Some call it "lockdown," some call it "sheltering at home," some call it "sabbath," hmmmm. I guess what you call it depends on your perspective. Officially, I can't write in my journal right now without having this situation be part of my thoughts. Quite simply, the COVID-19 crisis has affected everyone and everything I know, except love. Love is a constant.

Coincidentally, my book group started reading and discussing "Grounded: Finding God in the World, A Spiritual Revolution" by Diana Butler Bass in mid-February. After being derailed for a couple weeks, I invited the group to meet with me on Zoom to connect and discuss the book. Also, coincidentally, the chapter we discussed last Thursday is called "Home." Butler Bass does a great job of thoroughly covering the subject of home (ancient history to modern times including Bible and church effects on home) except she doesn't cover what home might come to mean to us after a mass quarantine such as we are in the middle of. Truthfully, I don't know the answer to that either but I do have some thoughts I'd like to share.

So what is home? Where do you live? How do you define home? What does it mean for you? I agree with Butler Bass that these are sacred questions. So I ask, what does 'Stay at Home' mean for your heart?

The beach I grew up on in Madagascar

Home as a Place: In my early years, home was plain and simply Madagascar (the island on the other side of the world, not the movie). The whole island, which is as large as Texas, felt like home to me. The climate, the people, the food, the earth, everything felt like home. It is the place of my birth, which is often our early definition of home. In particular, the ocean was home to me. The ocean is constantly moving and changing, always another wave coming in and in that changing, there is life you can count on. I always feel better in my heart, like I am home when I am near the ocean. The second best is being near any other body of water. Home is a place where my feet can wade in the water and know there is life, there is breath, there is another day.

Home as Family: It gets messier when you start thinking about home and family as being synonyms. It's messy because family is messy. My parents loved each other and the world. They also loved their faith life. To the best of their ability, they tried to create home for us, a place where we could grow in love and faith. My dad as a missionary pastor enthusiastically shared his faith with us. My own faith journey starts with my parents. In many little ways, my parents are why I feel so connected to my own spiritual grounding. God's love and grace is home to me.

the HOME, Missionary Children's Home

But, (with family there is always a but) we all went off to boarding school when we were 5 or 6. In fact my siblings were already there when I was born. So the messy of my family is that we never really lived together all in one place, as a family. Then the kids and adults at boarding school became a second family to me, one just as messy. In fact our boarding school was affectionately called "the Home," short for Missionary Children's Home. There was the girls I had as a roommates who still feel more like siblings than my family of origin. There were the houseparents who were there when I was sick, who heard me give my first speech and my first piano recital and all that. And there was the fact the missionary family were are always coming and going, so one could never sink roots too deep. You had to be ready for the next goodbye.

Then when I came back to the states both of those families evaporated. Once in America, my parents and siblings ended up living coast to coast and all in different states. It is hard to build relationship from a distance. The same was true of my classmates and peers from boarding school. For awhile and even still, it often has felt like I am an orphan, without a family. Dad and Mom died 33 and 13 years ago respectively. At moments I have even been jealous of friends' siblings fighting, thinking "at least you have a sibling to fight with." I did get a new family though. I married my dear husband straight out of college, when we were 22. Part of the attraction was that he had a family, a very grounded and solid one. The Bonde family has been such a gift to this orphan. I've been able to graft my heart on to their solid vine and have some roots as a result. And that's helped Minnesota to feel a bit like home.

Pete & I at home.

I wanted so badly to have family, that I had four kids and then became what is called at "homemaker," a stay-at-home mom. Yes, that's me! I built a whole career, a whole life on stay-at-home. I haven't always like the moniker 'homemaker' but it really does describe it. I didn't just find a home, I created one. And I didn't do it alone. I had help from Pete and my friends and later, my kids. So that's an interesting twist to this combining of family and home. Do you find home or do you create home or is it both? I found Pete to be my home AND Pete and I created a home together.

Home as Relationship and Community: Had you asked me in 1976, where I would make a home in the USA, I would not have said, "Minnesota." It is not my climate at all. I want something closer to the tropics. It is as far away from the ocean as you can get in this country. There are no mountains. My siblings aren't here. But after 39 years of living here, I find myself feeling more and more home. And the reason is not the climate or the river but the people. As time goes by, I find more and more that people are my home. Church is home because it's full of people earnestly searching for a common way of love and forgiveness, people supporting each other, accepting each other. Community song circles are home because they are full of people, bravely willing to live authentically and wholly, offering their pure hearts in song. Writing circles are home, for the same reason. My close friends are home because they invite me to be me. My children and grandchildren are home, each carrying a piece of me in them. And each of them loving me in spite of my mistakes. My husband, Pete, is home. With him, I am truly and wholly myself, in all my dark and light moods. With him. I am home.  Home is the people. I wouldn't want to live anywhere else now because so many of my people live here.

And that brings me back to the corona virus crisis and the order to stay home. I have had moments of naked loneliness because I'm not seeing my people. And I've had moments of deep gratitude that I have people to miss. I've also had time to find the home, the place of center and grounding in me and had time to breathe into the home of my soul. I'm not happy about the crisis but I am grateful for the invitation to breathe within. The question is can I be at home in my heart, soul? Can I be at peace and not afraid of just being with myself? Can we be home in just being? and not always doing?

Other definitions of home: Diana Butler Bass has several definitions of home in her chapter. Here are some of them:

• Home is more than a house (p. 166).
• Home is the geography of our souls (p. 166).
• Home is a place where we belong (p. 167).
• Home is a place where God meets us (p. 167)
• Home is where the heart is (p 172)…the abiding place of our affections.
• Home is the location that shelters our lived experience, but also holds our memories and shapes our desires. (p. 172)

What is your definition of home? How are you being invited to "stay home" during this time of isolation and social distancing? Where do you find home? Where do you live? Who invites you to feel safe at home within?

I pray that as you leand into this time of social distancing, you find peace and health in your home and in your heart.

~Jules

Grounding in Nature: Walking Views

Today's blog is a slide show: Walking Views

During this time of COVID-19 and #StayHome, we've been attempting to walk every day. This has helped so much with managing the stress and reminding me of God's grace and abundance. Even now, it is still a beautiful world.

please enjoy my slides here. You can watch it in full screen by clicking on the full screen [ ] icon at the bottom.

A NEW YEAR'S INVITATION

(photo: dawn on my street on winter solstice)

A NEW YEAR'S INVITATION

A new year has come

and your are invited to the feast of

another 365 days of living

a buffet of flavors and seasons

Love, humor, color, and more

Come taste the life offered to you

Open your ears to the music

your eyes to the beauty

your heart to the possibilities

A new year has come and you are invited

to live life to its fullest

to be who you are

may 2017 be your best year yet!

~Jules

a beach sabbath

(In Feburary, 2016 Pete & I spent 8 days on vacation in Ixtapa, Mexico. 
This is a reflection of that experience)

a beach sabbath

sitting on the beach

the angle of the afternoon sun

reveals stardust in the sand

tiny bits of bright shiny stars beneath my feet

and on the surface of the sea too

tiny bits of stars reflect back the light

the earth is breathing

a slight ocean breeze running through our lungs

teasing our hair, gently caressing our skin

the rhythm of the waves crashing 

echoes the heartbeat

i breathe deeply,

feeling even my fingertips relax

my main appointment of the day 

is to show up for the sunset

to sit up then and bear witness 

to the nearly unbearable beauty

of each day as it comes to a close

this is vacation

this is sabbath

this is rest, renewal down to the deepest molecule of my heart

it took some time to get to this moment

the first day I was still reading, checking emails

trying to catch up on even fun activities

by day three i was staring more and more 

at sand, the sea, the sky

an abashed, shameless staring

I can't and don't look away

I forgot my books, my list

I have no place to be, 

no need to be anywhere else

I don't know what we will do next

and it doesn't matter

by day six, that's today,

I have left most of my "activities" 

in our hotel room

my reading list can wait

the internet at the hotel stops working

almost as if the universe senses

our complete surrender

now sitting on the beach

the sand lures me with its patterns

and then the sparkling stardust there

catches my eye and then my heart

while i have forgotten the clock 

and the computer

i have remembered my connection to the universe

i have remembered my heartbeat

i have remembered the earth, the sun, the air and warmth

I am lost and found in this moment

connected once again to my soul

Fishing for Joy

I was walking down that old familiar beach,
That beloved place where I often pause to listen,
my feet slowly and deeply caressing the sand.
I looked up and there he was down at the far end,
A boy of about ten years, barefoot at the edge of the water.
He held a pole with a string dangling from the end of it.
I'd had several conversations with him on other visits.
As I approached, I commented, "Wow! You're fishing!"
with a grin on my face in response to the pleasure on his.
"Nah!" he answered in refute, "I'm not fishing."
"I just like holding the pole and watching the string."
I couldn't help but laugh in delight at his reply.
Then with a deep sigh of letting go and some slight hesitation
I gave myself permission to sit down and watch with him in silence.
We spent the rest of the afternoon
fishing for Joy.

~Jules
January 8, 2015

SING A NEW TUNE

What if today we practice being fully present, if even for just a few minutes?

Perhaps just step outside your door.
or pause on the way to the car.
Stop and look around you.
Take in the beauty.
take in the chaos.
Take in the order.
Ponder the abundance.
Learn the flowers
Listen to the leaves
Feel the sun's kiss
or the rains gentle baptism
Wonder about the earth's embrace
Smile back and walk on.
Notice gratitude
Breathe the light
Sing a new tune

have a great day everyone!
love, jules
(6/24/2014)

Caught Between Technology and Reality

October 24, 2013
There seems to be two worlds. The virtual one and the real one. Some days I struggle with the relationship between the two.

I'm not one of those middle-aged people who is afraid of computers or technology. I've always been curious about how things work so I dig in and get involved. Gadgets intrigue me, puzzles compel me. I've taught myself html and excel. I've learned Adobe Photoshop and Indesign. I was one of the first parents to hop on Facebook when my kids started connecting there when they were in college. I had to find out what that was all about. I had no idea it would be us middle-aged folks or baby boomers who would populate the nation of Facebook and then Twitter, Google+, etc. 

I'm also not one of those people who think we need technology to connect. Though I was born in 1959, in many ways, I grew up in the previous century. As a missionary kid growing up in a third world country, we often lived in places without running water or toilets in the house. WE boiled water to make it clean enough to drink and to make our bath water warm. Occasionally I studied by kerosene lamp. For entertainment, we rode bike, walked the beaches, climbed the local mountain and had weekly "talent" shows. we made peanut butter, jelly and ice cream from scratch. It's possible to have everything you need without television, computers, factories or even telephones. 

Sometimes, my soul feels a little trapped between these two lives. I'm grateful for the comforts I now have, clean water, hot showers and streaming Internet that allows me to write this blog, for instance. I love that through the magic of the Internet, I can connect with a great friend in Sweden, stay in touch with acquaintances in Italy and see updates of news and pictures from my homeland, Madagascar. But I also feel a little trapped by the technology. If I don't keep up with the break-neck speed at which it all develops, will I be left behind by my friends? Some days by the time I have answered all the emails and text messages, I don't have any energy left to use my hands to pick up my guitar and play a song or spend some times cleaning up the clutter in my room. It worries me. There are days that I long for that life without electricity, where it was all so real, where our bodies worked with our minds to make it all happen. 

So where's the balance? Where's the connection between the two worlds? The one world is very sensory--colors, textures, sounds, tastes, requiring that we unplug from the wall and see where we are, notice what is around us, look each other in the eye and actually touch. The other world is full of information and people, connections, we can find out anything we want from anywhere in the world. We can learn anything and feed our creativity but it requires that we ignore where we are and follow our hearts and minds. 

How do I find the Holy One within it? How do I find my true self within it all? And where do the two worlds meet 

BURSTING

This is me holding back....

I am bursting to the seams
Filling with, falling into, wallowing in love
Waves of gratitude overwhelm me
as the awareness of the present moment sinks deeper
tiny atoms are dancing to the tune within each cell
Cells are filling with joy
all of IT spilling out, expanding
I can't grasp this abundance all at once
anymore than I can embrace the depth of sorrow all at once
What if suddenly the last 10 years of your life
created a masterpiece of wonder on your wall?
What if all the doubt, the fear, the rejection,
what if all the hope, the tidbits of wisdom
what if all the ways I thought I screwed up
All the ways I was devastated and alone
what if all those things merged into one?
What if all of it is just another molecule, another atom,
a drop of water, A teaspoon of salt, a scale,
a weed, a flower, a tail, sand, rocks, volcanoes
What if all of it is just the ocean, the land the planets and us?
what if I really am here?
What ir you are really here?
And we are one, one joy, one sorrow, one delight, one life,
what if we could really touch each other, really exchange wows
What would you share? Would yesterday show up to bow?
Would tomorrow grab your hand to dance?
Would today this moment lift us both past cloud nine?
love, hope, and yes, even darkness transforms us.
I'm bursting to the seams, another transformation shaping me
Will I grow wings? Will I suddenly run on all fours?
Will I take up gills and swim around the globe?
Or will I melt into the me I suspected was there all along
simple, joyful, present?

There's more but....here comes another wave....got dive in!

sending LOVE, JOY & GRATITUDE,

Jules, 1/28/2014

How Writing Saved My Life

She lived an invisible life

Hiding behind a shy facade

Hoping to not rock any boats 

with her passion for swaying

Longing for a way to say

how much she loved

Then one day the teacher said, "write"

Her pen hit the paper

Gradually word by word, 

Day by day, year by year

She became visible, alive

And now when I look in the mirror

I can see her plainly

And it makes me laugh.

Jules (January 18, 2014)

TIME TO SIGN UP FOR WRITING WORKSHOP!

Writing As Sacred Practice 
presented by Your Truly, Julie A. Bonde (jules)

We're only a couple weeks away and there's still room! 
It's time to sign up for this writing workshop.

Writing as Spiritual Practice

Saturday, January 18th

10 am to 2 pm

Nativity Lutheran Church

3312 Silver Lake Road

St. Anthony Village, MN

$35 includes materials (bring a bag lunch)

I am so excited to be offering this writing workshop. I can't wait to share the fun and wonder. Bring your friends. I hope to see you there. 

To register just click here. 

I am a Rock....

Tumbling Rocks at Devil's Lake, Wisconsin
photo taken by jules

I am
a chip off the mountain
a rock tumbling slowly
over the centuries
down, down, down
bumping into other tumblers
pieces of me breaking off
as I continue to fall
in slow motion
unique in my shape and size
but indistinguishable from the rest.

It is easy to see that all of us
come from the mother mountain
and will some day end up in the sea, finally at rest,
and then to become sand as we roll in the waves,
so that a soft foot may some day land safely on us.

Grain of sand, boulder, rock, mountain.
Inside, we're all the same.

~just a thought by jules...8/5/13

Dreaming--Part 1

my first definition of DREAM is: our heart's longing for itself expressed through color, sound, emotion and art, expressed through the gift of imagination mixed with hope and love.

What do I dream about in this way?

My heart longs for what my body does not currently know: health and fitness. Deep within the thoughts and feelings at my core I long for, dream about, being strong again in body; in shape enough to climb a mountain or run on the beach. In this place of dreaming I have returned to the body that knows joy from being more than from food or survival. In that body I am playful and have energy to give my  family, friends, and even strrangers who cross my path.

Whoa! Deeper still, deeper than than healthy body is a spirit that has found peace and joy in just being here. The effort to find balance is less of a struggle and more of a dance or a sweet song. In this place, I know who I am and that is enough. I can share but it doesn't need to be shared. I can receive but I don't need to get anything.

All that I sense is Love.

The words to Lia Falls song are appropriate here:

"Deep in my heart, deep in my heart, deep in my heart, deep in my heart."