The relationships of our lives are numerous and diverse, varying in complexity and intimacy. Some people waltz in and out of your life and are gone before your realize their impact. Some stick around for decades or forever. Some add tiny drop of color, some make a deep groove in our hearts. And what keeps it all going? Connection and communication.
How do we stay connected? What does that connection feel like?
How do we communicate? Who can we be fully present and fully authentic with?
What relationships are life giving? which ones are not?
Which ones must we compromise in order to maintain peace as we work and play?
These are questions that help me discern where I need to work on and where need to let go of relationship.
One of the confounding things is how much the mode of communication has changed and how that affects the relationship itself. I am sometimes tempted to say that communication was so much easier when there was just a hallway or stairs between me and those I needed to talk to, but sometimes there were protective walls preventing us sharing our deeper heart thoughts. I am sometimes tempted to think that it is so wonderful that i can text and call and email my friends but these methods sometimes leave out the all important tone of voice, expression of our face and gesture. We dont' just communicate with our minds and voices but also with our bodies and other senses.
I just got a smart phone two weeks ago and the last two days am noticing some challenges i hadn't expected. For instance, there have a been a couple times when I accidentally dialed someone and couldn't figure out how to hang up the phone. Yikes! Also, there is thing where the phone guesses what word you are typing and automatically fills it in or corrects your spelling. ugh! if I am not careful, I could easily say something totally incorrect. And then there is the bad connection where the person on the other end thinks I am not listening but everything they say sounds like garble to me.
In my 20's I spent about eight years studying the art of listening with a wonderful elder woman. Lorraine taught me so much about listening to myself and to others with presence, with heart, with persistence. She taught me how big the gift of listening is. And still, after all that time and the decades since, I am still practicing to become a good listener.(with friends, with colleagues, with my children). Seven years ago, I graduated from two years of training to be a spiritual director, a practice that is focused on listening to others, to yourself and to the Spirit. And still I find myself frustrated some days with the holes in my communication.
There are so many wonderful, glorious, amazing people in my life. Some of them I share blood with, some I share my heart with, some I work with, some I serve, some serve me....each of them delightful human beings. I'd like to let them know but lately I've been feeling like the new phone, the airwaves and other circumstances make it hard to really get in touch the last couple of days. It made me sad, frustrated and inadequate.
And then one of my best friends called to say hello and suddenly all was right with the world again. She didn't fix anything but was present and accepting of my voice, my heart. She listened and hear me. I am so grateful.
A long time ago, in land not far from here I posed this question in a previous blog "What if we were put here to wander, to play, to ask questions and be friends?"
Today, I add this question, "What if love was as simple as listening?"
I guess I am going to keep my ears and my heart open for the answer.
