Gratitude for the Little Ones: Grounding in Grandparenting

April 25, 2020 (Still social distancing)

I've been a grandmother for five years now. We have three grandchildren, 5, 4 3/4, 22months. I (along with my sweet husband) have done a significant amount of care for these grandchildren. Until last fall, we had the two older ones over at our house every Friday, all day. As a result, our grandchildren are among the people we call our best buddies. We miss them terribly during this quarantine. We have gotten to see them a few times at a safe distance but gone are the group cuddles and giggles on the couch or our bed.

Drawing with Markers by Solveig, age 5

So it was doubly sweet a couple days ago, when we received a little artwork from each of them. Solveig's came in the mail. She drew this picture, in her current Solveig style.On the other side, her parents had helped her write a note including some important questions: "Have Grandma and Grandpa ever cut paper?"  "Have they ever drawn a funny pattern?"  I can't tell you the last time I got a letter in the mail. What a sweet gift!

watercolor by Wendell, age 4 1/2

On the same day, Wendell and his little sister, Sophie, came by to play on our playground for a little while. The first thing Wendell said, "Grandma Jules, I have present for you." Indeed, he had even made a special envelope for these two watercolor paintings...the blue one is Wendell's and the other more minimalist one is Sophie's. Again, it touched my grandma heart deeply.

watercolor by Sophie, age 22 months

Thank you Solveig, Wendell and Sophie for being in my world! and thank you Jacob, Beth, Karl and Erica for being such wonderful parents, for sharing them with us and teaching them love and kindness.

In the midst of this social distancing, these are gifts I will be hanging on to, sinking my roots deep into the love that transcends all time and space. These are gifts that help me remember to be grateful. What a lucky mother, grandmother, spouse I am!

Sometimes the simple things are what grow our deepest roots! Sometimes the little ones save us from our overthought, overworked adult lives. In this case, I'm going to say, LOVE WINS!

In Honor of Hans Day

 

Hans Day -- September 28, 2019

Tomorrow is 19 years since our dear Hans left this earth. [Hans Peter ~ born 3/24/1989, died 9/28/2000]  He lived with us for 11 years, 6 months and 4 days. In that time, we learned the importance of expressing our passions with each other. Hans was an enthusiastic soul who also had a fiery temper. He left so much passion behind for all of us. He also left us with "I like you and I love you!" as his expression of affection.

In memory of our dear Hans Peter, please find a child (they don't have to be yours) to hug, call, or post in a text or social media. Tell one child today how amazing they are, how creative, how joyful. Look in their eyes and tell them, "I like you and I love you." 

If you cannot find a child, or even an adult to honor, look in the mirror and tell the person you see there how incredible they are and try saying, "I like you and I love you." Try believing it.

It won't take long. Hans & I will be forever grateful. Let's let world's children know how valuable they are! Let's allow them and ourselves some love, some like!

Thanks for your help!

Happy Mother's Day!

As far back as I can remember (5 years old, maybe) I wanted to be a mom.

And then I met Pete (at college) and I knew right away he'd be a great dad

And then we were lucky enough to have 4 amazing wonderful boys and the means for me to stay home full time as they grew (about 20 years)

Nothing else in my life will ever compare to the joy, the challenge and the wonder of this gift of my children. I am so grateful to Pete for partnering in parenting with me! It's been the best adventure!

Mom & me, only 1 day old.

And, I owe my gratitude to these boys (Jacob, Karl, Hans, Luke) who in many, many ways helped transform me into the person I am today. Thank you! Thank you! I am still learning from them as they become such incredible men.

I also owe deep gratitude to my own mother, Camilla, who was the first to teach me the tenderness of the heart! 

And I am deeply grateful to my sister, Vangie, who in many ways was my 2nd mother. In many ways, she has been the one who has kept our family connected. 

My sister & me,  around 9 months

And then there are my other mothers-- Ethyl Anderson, Mama Jim, Vivien Wells, Grandma Quanbeck, Lorraine Bergstrand Schneider and of course the amazing and fabulous Charlotte Bonde, who raised my husband and has cared for me in more ways than I can begin to list. And there are many others who nurtured me in the absence of my mother all those years at boarding school and all these years since her passing. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I am still learning from you all as I reflect on the task of nurturing and caring for others; including myself.

Happy Mothers Day to all of you who nurture and care for others in the world!

An Empty Nest Moment

Grief showed up again in a moment of memory. And once it starts, it comes flooding in. It's hard to stop.

Some grief is shared and some grief is just you and your heart touching a memory. The sometimes frustrating thing is that the memory is sweet. It's a reminder of what a great life I have had, how lucky I was to have such a sweet family, to be the mother of such amazing boys, even my dear Hans who left us seventeen years ago. Such sweet memories I have, of giggles and shouts and playing Legos and singing songs. Messes everywhere, that I worked way to hard to get cleaned up. Chores that I tried way to hard to get them to do. Even so, we had laughter and adventure, ballgames and homework and conversations or debates that taught me how to be a better me. I loved my life with my four young boys and later my three teenagers who are now grown men.

How does a life so full and so big suddenly become so small, just me and sometimes my husband, sitting quietly for hours working at home on a computer? Not another soul for hours. Just little me. Oh God, how I miss those days! And how grateful I am that I have those days to miss! 

And so the tears flow freely, letting some of my heart have its way. I am grateful and yet it is lonely in this cave of memory where only me and all those beautiful thoughts sit wondering how to savor it, and hang on so it doesn't feel like I lost it all.

Grief. It is a beautiful thing and it is a lonely thing. so it is best to take it in small doses. Then I go back to my current life with a renewed sense of gratitude that I still have a life to live and people to share it with and room to grow.


Sending peace and hugs to you for your moments of sorrow, however small they are.

Sending love,
jules

GRATITUDE MONTH--DAY #9: MY BOYS

My boys! Oldest to youngest, they are Jacob, Karl, Hans, & Luke

These four amazing human beings are my children! And I couldn't be more grateful! They are each as precious as the earth itself, as light and sun and song.

They have taught me, no brought me to be myself, challenged me to live with love, with authenticity and grace. It's impossible to parent without grace and they have offered me more than I could have imagined possible. Hans died at 11, about a year after this photo was taken. And the other three have grown into such amazing adults! I continue to learn from them to be kind, generous, loving and respectful of myself, of others and the earth!

Even Hans, continues to give to us, to teach us to be joyful, to live in the moment, to treasure what we have and celebrate those we love!

I am honored, humbled and so grateful! Jacob, Karl, Hans, Luke! My boys!

Happy Hans Day!

Hans Peter Bonde....(March 24, 1989--September 28, 2000)....Leaving us with Joy Forever

a beautiful mistake

I can see her smile still, with the gentlest twinkling eyes behind it, long blonde hair and cute pink dress. Her natural ease as she sat down made me think she was much older than her 8 years. This little angel sat next to me and we became sweet friends but none of it would have happened if I hadn't goofed.

As I was boarding my plane yesterday, I was talking on the phone with a friend. I knew my seat number and when I saw it, I stopped and threw my backpack in an overhead bin and crawled into my seat, barely missing a beat in the conversation with friend on the phone. We talked for a bit and just as we were saying goodbye, this little girl crawled in and sat next to me in the middle seat. Her mother was in the seat in front of her. I had seen them in the terminal. They were flying on standby and took the seats that were available to them. The little girl's sister was in a seat across the aisle.

As she sat down, I greeted my travel mate with an enthusiastic "hi...how lucky am i to have you sit next to me." She smiled back sweetly and innocently. After she settled, we began talking. About 5 minutes later, a man came along asking if my seat was 41F.  I said "no, my seat is 42F," and then realized I was in the wrong seat. Fortunately he was nice enough to let me stay. He sat in 42F. And I breathed a sigh of relief that I wouldn't have to leave my new friend.

We didn't exchange names at first. We started with bigger stuff, like where we traveling, what our favorite school subjects were and things like that. I had heard most of her life story before I even knew her name. Turns out she'd been on a plane about every 2 months since she'd been born. Her dad was a pilot and her mom a flight attendant. That's how they had met. They married shortly before she was born. They had lived several places, had family around the country and traveled a lot. We talked about how her little sister was kind of  "stealing" her friends and how she was going on a trip to Florida with her best friend while her sister would be going to Hawaii with two of her other friends. I was just amazed at how eloquently she shared her story.

She told me how at first she loved flying, especially because she would get car sick. Flying was easier and not so hard. that is, until a couple of months ago. They were flying threw a storm and for about 15 minutes, it was pretty bumpy ride. Since then, flying is rather terrifying for her. Here she is telling me all this and i'm thinking she's the calmest, most mature little 8-year-old I ever met. I'm thinking she does not look scared. Her eyes keep telling me all is well and that I am a welcome guest.

I took my zentangle kit and started drawing. She enjoyed watching me and we talked about how she liked art. She was very encouraging of my efforts to draw. Later, when I was writing on my computer, she took out her colored pencils and I watcher her. It was my turn to be impressed. When the drink cart came by she refused to have a treat, explaining that she had spilled the drink all over herself once and didn't want that to happen again. Eight years old and already she's make some pretty detailed decisions about her life based on mistakes and mishaps.

I did eventually speak with her mom a little. And we all held hands as we dove through the clouds to our landing. It was the first time I saw how scared she really was. "Laura" was grateful and so was her mom as was I. The four hour flight zipped by and I felt light and easy as I disembarked. I saw them one more time in the terminal as they caught up with Grandma who was waiting for them. It is my prayer that they will have many, many safe and joyful travels in their future.

I still can't believe my luck in having Laura sit next to me and all of it because I made a mistake and sat in the wrong seat.

Here's to 30 more years!

Thirty years ago, yesterday, a wonderful and miraculous thing happened. I became a mother. I remember the instant of Jacob's birth like it was yesterday. It had been a long and arduous labor and then he came. and instead of a cry, he began trying to talk. He kept trying to say something, in clearing your throat sort of way until Pete put him right down next to my cheek and I greeted him for the first time. "Hello Jacob." He fell silent and we just stared at each other forever or maybe just a minute. I can't tell the time on this. I'm still in awe of this beautiful human being that I get to call my son.

But thirty years? Really? Has it really been that long? Yes, I guess it has. We've been through a lot together and we've been through a lot on our own. I believe so strongly in family and in community. STrong family and community relationships are essential to a happy and healthy life. And I also believe strongly in allowing each person time for a relationship with themselves, for independence. Sometimes I think I may have erred to far in that direction with my kids. Truly, they could each go off and live easily without me and that actually hurts a little. Perhaps the hardest part of parenting is not the raising of the children but the letting go and allowing them to not need us. sigh!

I'm not taking this blog entry to any particular place of wisdom or joy. I just woke up this morning realizing I hadn't taken time for this yesterday and whether my son needs it or not, I need to stop and say how grateful I am for him, for making me a mother. Nothing has brought me more joy, more love and more understanding than being a mother. No job, no other life event will ever be able to top the moment I became mother! There isn't enough superlative to say how grateful I am!

Nevertheless, I can't help but long for many more years to be a mother, even if only to adult children who are very independent. Is that greedy of me? oh well, than call me greedy because I will relish every chance I get to continue loving my son and his brothers as much as a mother can.

Happy 30th Birthday Jacob! Happy 30 years of parenting to me! and here's to many, many more for both of us!

All my love, mom

People

Eyes that sparkle and shine
Or ache to be seen
Ears that giggle at the sounds they hear
Or cringe from the too sharp noise
Noses that wrinkle up at the stench
or twitch with glee
Tongues that savor the flavor of chocolate
Or stick their tips out in distaste
Hands that work hard, wringing each other in desparation
or reach out and with just a gentle touch
Lift all the burdens of the world off another's shoulders
Thoughts that can encompass the universe
Invent the magical, overcome the impossible
Words and notes that sing of the angels, of God and Love
Words that challenge and sometimes damage
People
I LOVE people

newborns and toddlers
grandpas and grandmas
wobbly old man with the cane
the cranky old woman with dementia
the bossy middle-aged lady empowered with her wisdom
curious grade-school kids
questioning teenagers
young adults with ideals and hearts and energy to change the world
lonely people forgotten and scared
presidents and queens
actresses and secretaries
singers and pastors
nurses, bus drivers, street sweepers
nannies, artists,  programmers
family, friends, loved ones
co-workers and partners
teachers, mentors, therapists
advisors, listeners, coaches
people
I LOVE people

Today I cry with the deep love for people
with the sensitive compassion for the suffering
with gratitude for the abundance of people
People

~sending my love, Jules
August 13, 2013

AMAZING YOUNG PEOPLE

Every once in awhile something good happens in your life that there seems to be no reasonable explanation for. This is what I call grace! The young people in my life are grace in abundance!

I'd like to introduce you a few of them. Some of them are my own boys, some are boarders, some are friends.

In the top left-hand picture, from left to right are Jake, Luke, Lecorey, and Phanit.

In the bottom left-hand picture, from left to right in the back row, Luke, Kevin, Erica & Karl. In the front is Konomi.

Some live here full-time. Some drop in on weekends. Some just give their presence by hanging out for an evening or a day. I don't know what I did or how I managed to deserve such a gift. I remember not liking teenagers when I was one and not being that impressed with young people even when I was in my early twenties. I was always hanging out with older people then. And now here I am with a house full of beautiful, soulful and thoughtful young people who keep me learning, growing, and appreciating the presence of the Spirit in this time in, this place.

They are among the most grace-filled and wise people I know. They are accepting, funny, intense, spiritual, lively, helpful and very loving. I am proud to have them as my companions in this part of my journey and hope that I will have the privilege of knowing them for a long time to come.

I am so grateful for this grace!

Jules

© 2008 Julie A. Bonde