Writing Workshop--Last Chance to Sign up

Writing as Spiritual Practice

Saturday, October 6, 2018--9:30 am to 3pm.

at Christos Center for Spiritual Formation

FIND OUT MORE and REGISTER HERE!

Whether you are an experienced writer or just want to try this for a day, you are welcome. I will offer a variety of exercises to help you listen the voice within.

$45 includes a workbook.
Please bring your own bag lunch. Coffee/Tea provided.

Jules

The Pierced Heart and the Rainbow

September 26, 2018 (another year goes by)

Two days from now, September 28, 2018, marks the 18th anniversary of Hans Day, otherwise known as Hans' day of transformation, otherwise known as death. Hans is our third son (out of four). He died at the age of 11 1/2  of  brain cancer (glioblastoma mulitforme).

We had fought it with all we had for 16 months. Those 16 months were the best (yes, the sweetest) and the hardest our family has ever lived through. Hans gave the fight his best, best self....taking time to be grateful to doctors, nurses and chaplains that cared for him, taking time to laugh and joke and enjoy his life, even in the hospital. He was a beautiful soul, who in his short life managed to connect to the infinite presence that connects us all, otherwise known as Love, or God.

Today, Hans' two older brothers and one younger are grown men. Jacob is a teacher, married with a lovely 3-year-old daughter. Karl is also a teacher, married with a two lovely children, a 3-year-old boy and a baby daughter. Luke is a software engineer, single, and making music in his basement. These three young men are as stunning to me today as the day they were born. They are amazing human beings, full of light, joy, grace, kindness and love. I like to think that Hans would be on that same team, if he was here. I like to think he's doing victory dances everyday as he watches them grow from his view on the other side.

On my way home from breakfast with a good friend this morning, I was driving through Karl's neighborhood and couldn't resist stopping by just to see him and his little family. A few minutes and a few hugs was enough to give me that shot of fresh air to fill that huge empty Hans-sized space in the center of me. (How grateful I am, I could live this close)

Your kind empathy is well received but I need to say I wouldn't trade places with anyone. I'm a lucky wife, mama and grandma. In addition to an incredible husband (Pete), I have been given incredible children to care for. These four boys, men now, are such a joy. They are such a precious gift, that some days the love just cuts right through my heart, like one of cupid's arrows. My tears are filled with both the rain of the storm and the water from a fresh spring. Today is one of those days. It's so hard to describe that I often don't attempt it but today I really wanted to try.

Maybe it's like the moment when the sun comes through your window. My heart is a prism hanging in the window and the moment I think of my boys, of Hans and his dear brothers, as babes and men, is the moment that the sun hits the prism and all colors of the rainbow explode and spread everywhere in the room. It is a piercing moment. It's a releasing moment. It's a celebration and welcoming of all that has been and that will be, because these boys came into my life.

I do miss Hans. I wish he was here. And some days I miss the old days, making macaroni and cheese, driving car pools, sick days, watching baseball games and playing brain games in the car. But none of us needs to go back. We are all better people for the experience of knowing and having Hans part of our lives. I am a better person for knowing his brothers as well. It is a magical as the moment that light goes through the prism or the light shines through rain. Somehow, God took my love and my grief and made my life into a rainbow of color.

If this doesn't make sense to you, that's okay. It will always be hard to describe. It is enough to know that some of you are out there, sharing the rainbow with me.
It is enough to be in it for another year of life and love and pierced hearts.

~Jules

WALKING DOWN MEMORY LANE

Walking down Memory Lane

I walked through my neighborhood to the grocery store yesterday. As I walked, I soaked in the activity of late afternoon--School buses dropping kids off, grandparents waiting for the kids, parents and younger siblings walking hand-in-hand, older kids riding bike, people returning from work and mowing lawns and pulling weeds; life gently buzzing around the flowers of the first week of school. 

And then I saw a boy a few blocks from my house and thought of my boys in all their school days. And suddenly this rush of memories came washing over me. So much my life, so many seasons of my life have been lived here in this neighborhood. After living in many different houses during the first 17 years of my life, I have lived here in this one for 33 years this September! Pete and I have raised four boys, added on to our home, cultivated a huge garden and friendships, said goodbye to many, grieved the loss of our third son at age 11, and both my parents and a best friend and Pete's dad. We've grown from young to middle to almost retirement age. We've grown from dreams, to letting go, to sinking deep into our authentic beings. There's been joy here and sorrow and frustration and mess and oh so much beauty. What a life it has been! 

I thought as I walked of how grateful I am to live in a place where I feel safe, where people tend their gardens and walk with their children and dogs in peace, where children play and school buses pass. And where I can see the flowers and the creativity of those who find time to tend to their houses and yards. I am grateful...so grateful to have life, to have a safe life and  a good life. It's not perfect and yet it is. The compost rots and fuels the garden. The mistakes and sorrows teach us the deep lessons and we blossom and grow more than we ever dreamed possible.

and I wondered: what if there was a way to make this simple, safe life available for all? What if every person on earth could feel free and safe walking down their street or even half them? what then? Would we be in heaven already? The only thing better than this would be sharing it with everyone.

May your life, your heart find its own garden path where compost rots and flowers bloom!

love, jules--8/30/18

The Sacredness of a Cup of Tea (or Coffee)

"A cup of tea becomes sacred time when shared with the heart of another." ~ Jules

There are some things one can't write in a public forum because there are people's privacy to protect. So many times, I have wanted to write a blog about an incredible person who has crossed my path but to share the magic of that I’d be sharing personal things about them that might not be helpful to share in public. And other times, I've been tempted to write something not so nice which I quickly realize won't help and is most likely coming from my own unmet expectations.

Perhaps that's why it is so important that we not just write and post and Twitter and Facebook but that we meet face to face, one on one or in trusted circles to share our deeper and messier and lovelier selves. When I find out who the real you is, with all the bumps and pimples and all the bravery and courage, I am even more inspired than I was when I first saw the twinkle and shine in your eyes. It has often been said that "misery loves company" and it is true. It really does help to vent our misery with others AND to discover that we are not alone in it. What we don't notice as often is that "joy loves company" too. Joy shared is gratitude that finds its way to your bones and lives. When we share our vulnerability, when we give voices to our gratitude, it becomes an abundance and that makes the world a better place.

Which brings me to why I haven't been writing more in my blog lately. I have plenty to say but right now I am focusing more energy on in-person, face-to-face meetings; spending more time with real people, with real messes and real victories to share. This is partly the gift of summer and more freedom to get out. (My work increases during the school year) And I Love it. I LOVE, love what happens to my heart, my soul when the real story is shared in real time. I love how the Holy Spirit begins to show up too. I know it takes time, but it is totally worth it. I hope I can keep making time for this.

So, this is an open invitation to you. Consider contacting someone you would like to talk to and setting up a real conversation, maybe add a cup of coffee or tea. Perhaps if we all spend more time sharing our SORROW AND our JOY, we'll stop pushing against each other and instead find ourselves inspired, encouraged and praying for one another.

And now I'm off to share the privilege of time with a friend.

~Jules, 8/28/18

It Starts with a Trickle

July 2018--The Mississippi Headwaters

Earlier this month, I had the opportunity to be at the Mississippi Headwaters with my family. I've been there a number of times, the first time when I was just 9 years old. And all that time, I've always known this was the start of the Mississippi, the same river we cross in the Twin Cities on a daily basis. So this year it surprised me a little when I had a new experience of it.

While some of the family was walking in the water up to the first foot bridge and other family were watching the stuff, I had the opportunity to walk alongside the river on my own. That's when it hit me...if you didn't know any better, you'd just call this a creek. It's so little, you might not even give it that much credit. At very beginning it's just a trickle of water over the rocks in the corner of Lake Itasca, shallow enough for my 3-year-old granddaughter to wade in it. By the foot bridge, it is still only knee or thigh high. It's a very small movement. It's almost nothing and yet it isn't.

I thought how the Mississippi is one of the major life forces of this country, bringing life and energy to both people and animals. It's the reason people came and built towns and cities. It's part of the reason this part of the world became farmland. For centuries, that water has found its way from northern Minnesota all the way to the gulf carrying nutrients and water and people and animals along with it.

And that's when this idea hit me: every major movement starts with a trickle. We don't know at the beginning how far it will move us. We may never know how the kindness we do today grows and moves as it travels from one person to another. Pete and I have had the opportunity to cross the Mississippi River at many points from the innocent beginning to the Gulf of Mexico. It travels a long way, through many different ecosystems, towns and cities.

What if the love we share today is the trickle that will bring hope and life down river? What if it's not hopeless or pointless to keep on trying? The trickle takes awhile to build momentum but mile after mile, day after day, it gathers more energy and speed and life as other water ways join it.

So, I'm wondering, how will I offer some kindness, some love, some peace, some understanding today? It only needs to be a trickle.

Dancing with Life

The song calls to me,
Two steps forward,
One step sideways,
Several steps back,
A pause to smell the flowers,
A longer pause to comfort my fear
with my current security blanket,
And then I get distracted
by the laundry, dishes, dreams,
Find myself planning
a better way to organize and decorate,
Before I know it I've taken some long detour to nowhere.
Stopping to catch my breath
and my thought,
My heart suddenly breaks through.
My ears again here the music.
So bravely I dance two steps forward,
One step sideways,
and so on...

It's just how the dance of my life goes.

Just Jules, 5/23/18

FOLLOWING THROUGH

And so another Monday morning begins....

"Just follow LOVE!"

The thing is, when you say "yes," the next day you have to get up and follow through. 

Getting invited to do something is exciting. 

Saying yes because it is something that fits you perfectly feels great. 

But...but, I'm not always sure I am going to be able to follow through.

And then LOVE (aka Jesus) whispers gently, "Just follow me!"

So, i'll keep praying for the will, the courage, the strength and the focus, to follow through and to just follow LOVE.

~jules, 4/23/18

An Empty Nest Moment

Grief showed up again in a moment of memory. And once it starts, it comes flooding in. It's hard to stop.

Some grief is shared and some grief is just you and your heart touching a memory. The sometimes frustrating thing is that the memory is sweet. It's a reminder of what a great life I have had, how lucky I was to have such a sweet family, to be the mother of such amazing boys, even my dear Hans who left us seventeen years ago. Such sweet memories I have, of giggles and shouts and playing Legos and singing songs. Messes everywhere, that I worked way to hard to get cleaned up. Chores that I tried way to hard to get them to do. Even so, we had laughter and adventure, ballgames and homework and conversations or debates that taught me how to be a better me. I loved my life with my four young boys and later my three teenagers who are now grown men.

How does a life so full and so big suddenly become so small, just me and sometimes my husband, sitting quietly for hours working at home on a computer? Not another soul for hours. Just little me. Oh God, how I miss those days! And how grateful I am that I have those days to miss! 

And so the tears flow freely, letting some of my heart have its way. I am grateful and yet it is lonely in this cave of memory where only me and all those beautiful thoughts sit wondering how to savor it, and hang on so it doesn't feel like I lost it all.

Grief. It is a beautiful thing and it is a lonely thing. so it is best to take it in small doses. Then I go back to my current life with a renewed sense of gratitude that I still have a life to live and people to share it with and room to grow.


Sending peace and hugs to you for your moments of sorrow, however small they are.

Sending love,
jules

Peace Be

So last night as I was falling asleep, I thought of something that belonged on my to-do list that I keep forgetting. I had such a great sleep last night, best one in a long time, but I was kicking myself for not getting up and writing that forgetful item down. I have NO idea what it was!

In an effort to remember, I decided to sit down and run through my whole TO-DO list on paper. It is a good practice for me to once in a while sit and write it all down. I wondered too, what other things I might be forgetting. And now I'm wondering when I am going to do all that and if I really do all that? My goodness! Life so easily fills in the blanks, that I might have to get better at scheduling space for thought and reflection.

So, I wish I could remember what I forgot AND I'm also grateful that the reason I forgot is that I had one of the best rests last night. I am so grateful to wake up refreshed. I think a good sleep might be one of life's best treasures.

And I'm grateful for having a life, however messy and weird it might be. I have a life to live and that's a good thing even if I can't do it all.

And I'm grateful for my young friend who came over yesterday and inspired me with her creativity and incredible presence and her truth. Thank you.

So, peace to the forgetful mind. It'll likely come back to my consciousness when I least expect it but if it doesn't, the world won't end. Life will go on.

And peace to this day. Just a little love and kindness will get us through.

And peace to all who are struggling with something today. A little prayer will help. (I know all your prayers help me)

And peace to my neighbor who just stopped by for a moment just now. She need some tea and I was happy to be able to provide her with some. I am grateful for her presence on my block.

And peace to my friends far and wide who have either asked for my support or provided support for me when I have asked. We all need a little help from our friends. We really do. We're not going to finish this race without that.

So I started with being frustrated at myself and my forgetfulness and end with gratitude for the richness of friends and neighbors, the gift of sleep and a little kindness and the healing that comes with a little prayer.

And that's why I like the practice of journaling and blogging and even the occasional Facebook post. It can help us find the gifts, if we give ourselves the time and space.

Peace be with you this day!

love, jules

The Heart and the Mind or the Tortoise and the Hare.

So, I was going to write each day of the 12 days of Christmas and suddenly it is the 13th day....or Epiphany or just regular life, depending on your orientation. I don't know what happened to those 12 days except to say that the usual happened. There were parties and concerts and extra special worship services. There were decorations (which are still up) and gift giving and wonderful time with family and all the usual drama that goes with getting through Christmas. What there wasn't was time to really sit quietly with it all and ponder what it means this time around. There wasn't time to think much beyond the happenings. 

And now, I find myself wanting/needing to move on to the new year and the life that is calling me to it. It's time to make phone calls and appointments, to follow through on plans set in place already and make new plans to fill in other spaces. The life of a self-employed person has these waves of activity that require attention. So here I am, just plodding along and hoping to catch up with the song that wants to be sung and live into the heart of the moments. My heart longs to catch up.

Recently, I was thinking of encouraging things to write to a friend. And in the middle of it, this thought came to me. It was very encouraging to me and I hope it will be for you as well. 

Remember the story of "the Tortoise and the Hare?" Remember how the hare goes so quickly but then gets distracted along the way? and the Tortoise goes slowly but faithly gets there and actually wins. So here is my thought for you: 

The Mind races on, gets distracted, caught up in the thought. The Heart is cautious and moves slow and faithfully. 

The two run the race differently so trust that your Heart will win in the end. 

LOVE WINS!

just jules, January 7, 2018