Good Fortune & Challenging Things (update from March 18, 2021)

March 18, 2021—Good Fortune and Challenging things (I realize I am posting this 2 weeks later but I thought instead of rewriting or starting over I would just share this with you. I will write a new update soon and post it faster)

 Okay so I need to catch you up… 

Good fortune… 

• About a week and a half ago, we bought 30 eggs, so far we’ve had 28 double yoked eggs out of that batch. If you’re wondering the source, they are bulk eggs we bought at our local food co-op. Some say double-yoked eggs mean good luck but I’ve never in my life seen so many show up in a row. Good fortune? Maybe. 

• I made it through my first two weeks of taking Xeloda, my new chemotherapy pill, without too many side effects. Mostly, I’ve just been more tired, got a little winded walking sometimes. And I’ve been more emotional so Pete and I have nicknamed them the crying pills. Not all bad emotions, just close to that tender center. 

• And now I’m on my 7 days off before my next round of Xeloda. I got a massage from my favorite person on Monday, my first massage in about a year. It was fantastic and of course I cried a little, because I was so grateful. I’ll be going back soon. Later on Monday, after being approved by my oncologist, I got my first Pfizer vaccine. It is now Thursday and all I’ve experienced from that is a temporarily sore arm. Otherwise I’m fine. 

• In addition, Pete and I, along with three others, hosted The Dragonfly Project 19th Annual Celebration and Remembrance Event on Zoom, our first-ever virtual event. It was quite a learning experience. We were challenged to find ways to do things like a candle-lighting ceremony on the screen. It went better than we expected. We had 60-90 people watching live and now others can watch it online. Whew! I’m grateful we pulled it off. 
• On Saturday after the event Pete & I went for a walk at Zodiak Park. When we got there, we saw an eagle on the ice in the middle of the pond. What a treat! On our way home we stopped to get Thai food and decided to stay and eat there. There was only one other family there and the food was delicious. We were so grateful to have our first meal at a restaurant in over a year. We felt a little euphoric after finishing our event and having all this good fortune! 
  
  

 Challenging Things...

• Some unfortunate side effects...On Saturday, March 13th, I wore my tennis shoes for our walk at Zodiak Park. They were so comfortable I decided to wear them on Sunday as well. I got blisters. Blisters on the hands and feet are symptoms of “hand/foot syndrome” which is a side effect of Xeloda. When I mentioned my blisters and that my hands were now feeling dry and uncomfortable during our talk with the oncologist today, she said it was likely that I already am starting to have hand/foot syndrome. She will keep me at the lower dosage that she started me on. Sigh! Unfortunately this does not help my neuropathy in my feet at all. I confess I lost my cool for awhile. I am tired of having numb feet. And I really don’t want more to happen to them. Sometimes life just stinks. And I have 5 more rounds or 14 more weeks before this is all over and even longer before my body recovers from everything. Sigh. More prayers for healing please! 
  
  
•  A new garage coming soon to our property. We’ve been planning since last year and now it is going to be real. Saturday, March 20, we are emptying the garage. Saturday, March 27, we will begin tearing it down. Then when the frost is gone from the ground the cement work will begin. We are sharing work with our contractor. 
  
  
•  We need a new furnace…enough said! As if building a new garage is not enough, we now need a new furnace! Yes, really!

I"ll catch you up with more soon.

Blessings on your spring!

Jules

Spring 2021

What does spring mean to me? What am I looking for?—This was the prompt for my writing group a month ago. And here is what I wrote. Who knew Noah would be part of it?

 Spring 2021—what it means to me

What does spring mean to me? I have to say that after the year we had in 2020, everything needs to be redefined. I feel like we just threw out all our mindsets, all our previous beliefs about life, about democracy, about this country we live in, about how the world works, how nature works, how healing works, etc. Even the greening of the trees is going to be different this year. So, I am hard pressed to answer the question “what does spring mean to me?” The question itself implies a continuity that I am just not seeing.

 This year spring comes as I turn 62, an age that a couple years ago, I had expected to be at the top of my game. In terms of career and finding myself beyond parenting and family, I am a late bloomer. I was just hitting my stride when I turned sixty. A year ago, I was looking forward to leading more workshops, organizing more retreats, and encouraging even more people to listen to the wisdom of the spirit within. Then the pandemic came, then I got cancer, then our democracy started to crumble. And now I just pray spring comes, that God sends us a miracle of new life, of new health. I pray that like Noah and his family, we get to start over after the destruction of the flood, with a clean slate. It will not be easy to start over but I just long for that day when we look up and see the sign that tells us YES!

Will it be a rainbow? How did Noah know that a rainbow was it? Will it be a green bud on that old bush in the back yard that we thought was dead? Will it be my granddaughter reading me her first whole book because she finally got to go back to school in person? Will it be that the numbness in my feet starts to go away and I can walk barefoot and feel the grass? What will be the sign that the spring of our humanity has returned? Will a republican and a democrat suddenly reveal on Twitter that they have been secretly working together and have a plan for cooperation to return to our government? Will we finally understand that healing requires that we breathe the air from the trees on the other side of the world? That we finally understand that healing requires leaning on the wisdom of the water carrier in the Congo even as we offer our financial support to her village? That we finally understand we are one? That we finally understand that we are one.

That will be spring to me this year---healing as community works together, healing as my body finding its way to wholeness again, healing as we reach our hands out and our hearts out touching each other with genuine kindness and care, healing as we finally begin to listen to each other’s stories, healing as we finally agree to support all humans as we would our brothers and sisters. This will be spring to me this year and it might not come in March or April. I don’t know if I’ll see the signs, but I pray that Noah will teach me how to know that a rainbow or the green grass or the eagle flying overhead is a sign that God’s grace has returned to us.

 By Jules Bonde—2/2/2021

DINING WITH MY PLANT FRIENDS

March 2, 2021 ---Meantime my indoor garden is super excited about the return of the sun and more daylight. This is my dining room. We get to eat with these lovelies every day. My plant friends bring me so much joy. I understand now why my mom paid so much attention to her houseplants. In fact, both my Christmas cacti and my African violets are from my mother. Thanks Mom! A living legacy filled with joy! Love you always Mom! Love you always houseplants! 

CANCER TREATMENT PHASE #4: PREVENTION plus some rambling about life

So--this package came in the mail on Friday, all the way from Memphis, TN. why Memphis? Because only certain pharmacies are allowed to make the drug. And what is in this ominous looking package? Xeloda. It is a chemotherapy in pill form. Xeloda is recommended as a follow up to help prevent recurrence in the particular kind of breast cancer I had which was invasive ductal carcinoma, triple negative. I will take it daily for 2 weeks then get a week off for 6 cycles over the course of 18 weeks. I began taking them Saturday, February 27th. If I manage to take it to the end of all the cycles, June 25th will be my last dose. I believe it is a good choice but I am nervous about the outcome, meaning the side effects. Although my doctor assures me this is "a lot milder" than the chemotherapy i had last year, there is a long list of possible side effects including numb feet which I already have. I truly don't want to have more taken away from my feet. So this is mainly a plea for more prayers of healing and protection. in particular, I pray for healing of my numb feet and fingertips. It can also deplete my immune system a bit and I am wondering if I will ever be able to get a COVID vaccine. I'm feeling rather tender as i enter this new phase of treatment. 

Meantime my energy, for the moment, has returned. I have been walking almost daily with Pete. Yesterday we walked down by the Mississippi and enjoyed watching the ice floating down. We've been busily and happily working on hosting the 19th Annual Dragonfly Celebration via Zoom from our house (March 13th). So we're stretching our brains and creativity to make that happen. There always seems to be something to do. I am grateful to have good work to do from home during this time, including helping teach others to be spiritual directors through distance learning via Tending the Holy program at Christos Center for Spiritual Formation. All of it good work. I hope my energy remains and that I don't have to go back to laying on the couch during this new phase. So prayers for energy as well.

We are not seeing our children and grandchildren as much now. Parts of Jacob's and Karl's families have returned to in-person school. It's an exciting and yet vulnerable time for them and for us. We continue to be very careful with each other. Luke is not as vulnerable but added an extra job, teaching a small group of high school students computer programming online. So everyone's life is full. even so we are grateful for the contact and connections we have with them. Solveig, in kindgergarten called us after school 4 times last week on Google Duo for some very animated video chatting. And we met Karl's kids outside a couple of times for some playing in the snow. This is life in the time of the pandemic. Even, Sophie, age 2/12, is used to wearing a mask.

I can't end without giving thanks again to all of you, for your support, your friendship, your prayers/wishes/songs. I pray that in your own times of suffering, you will know there is this deep treasure of friendship and love to lean on, if we just allow ourselves to do it.

sending you love,

Jules