Jewels in the Darkness

I love my life! even when it means listening to sad stories, or struggle. I've heard plenty in the last few days. People hurting each other, people in pain, people feeling lonely and scared, people dying too young. In addition, I've been working on a memorial photo slide show for the Annual Dragonfly Project Celebration and Remembrance event. So for the past several days I've spent about thirteen hours staring at the faces of people who have died and feeling that grief that their loved ones feel.

Sometimes being human is hard and painful, scary and disappointing. Sometimes, despite our efforts things don't go like we want. And yet there is light. There is hope. As I'm listening, I'm looking in their eyes and right there are the jewels of hope. In those precious eyes I see love determined to not let go, I see passion ready to break through walls, I see hope. I hear it in the way the voice wavers for a bit and then continues. The voice bravely moving through the struggle to speak the truth, to say the words that need to be heard. I feel it in the intensity of the emotion. Here is a person who has very strong feelings. The intensity is a sure sign that love is at work, that love wants to win this one. There is hope.

And as I work with the photos of loved ones who have died, I am touched deeply by all the lives all these people have touched, leaving behind love--love enough to make them remember, love enough to honor and grieve for. There is hope even in grief.

Even so, I cry. And even in that, there is hope. It is a sign that my heart is still at work too, that compassion still lives in me. And that is hopeful.

So I still love my life. And I am grateful for each person whose path has crossed mine this week. Thank you for seeing me, for sharing your heart with me, for trusting me with your pain, and for letting me see the light in the darkness, the jewels in your eyes.

My good friend Barbara McAfee wrote this song "Jewels." my favorite line from that is "Every time I go into the darkness, I return with fists full of jewels." She is right! I do! and in my case, I also return with fists full of Jules. Pieces of me are healed and brought to life.

It is my prayer, my longing, that somehow my presence and my listening offers some hope in return, that there is some light shining through, some jewel for each of you to take with you.

I want to share this song with you and hope it blesses you as it has blessed me. And I pray that LOVE will help you find your jewels in the darkness.

Thank Barbara McAfee for the song! You can find more about Barbara at barbaramcafee.com

Doing AND Being AND Clocks

The clock is ticking! Oh my goodness....I have a to-do list a mile long and all I want to do is sit and ramble. What is it about to-do lists that makes me suddenly feel all contemplative and reflective? And what is it about centering prayer that makes me think of all the things I have to do? Hahaha! I guess the grass is always greener on the other side of the brain. 

I feel old and outdated and cliche and boring saying it but it keeps happening. Time is flying! It is zipping by! It just keeps going faster and faster. Or is it that I am going slower and slower? Either way, it seems to be a perception thing. Some days I really would like to have nice long cup of tea with Einstein and see if he can straighten me out on this whole time/space continuum thing.

It's all a bit silly really. In my 30's and 40's, I wondered what I would do with all my time once I didn't have my children to raise anymore. I was a full-time, stay-at-home mom for two decades. I didn't sit down for lunch most of those years. And I had a thin body to prove it! I swear, I never did finish all those chores. So I remember wondering if there was life past all that busyness. What a silly question! 

Of course there is more! The better question would have been to ask when I was going to slow down. My younger self would be quite surprised to hear all that I am involved with now. In a way it's a good problem to have really; things to do, people to see, dreams to ponder, life to live. Sometimes we suffer a bit as the clock ticks on while we run in place trying to accomplish. And sometimes we wear our busy-ness as badge, a status symbol. We live in a culture where being a doer, a multi-tasker, gets more respect than the quiet and slow.

Although, I think the pendulum may be swinging the other way. More and more people are practicing mindfulness, meditation, contemplative practices. More and more people are letting go of their overstuffed houses and over-scheduled lives for small, quiet living. 

I've noticed that in the last ten years, I have done a lot more embracing of the quiet and still moments. And after lots of practice  with silent retreats and centering prayer, I find I want both being and doing. I find it makes me happy to get a task and want to work at it. Accomplishing what i set out to do is a great feeling. And having time to reflect multiplies that feeling.

Could it be that we don't need Doing to be any better or worse than Being or vice versa? Could it be that we were created for both stillness AND activity? I'm starting to think so. 

Meanwhile, the clock still ticks.