THE GIFT OF SOLSTICE

The gift of the winter solstice is darkness, night

We are caught for a moment in a sea of black

That seems to have no end, no boundaries

We can only surrender to the mystery of that which we cannot define

Letting ourselves be wrapped in the soft velvety blanket of night

Allowing the gift of it to warm us

The gift of the winter solstice is fire, light

Even as we relinquish control of the shadow,

We reach for the light, turning toward the small flame burning within with new awareness and delight,

We celebrate the brilliance of love and passion

As if experiencing light for the first time

Allowing the gift to fill us and awaken our hearts.

 

12/21/16 jules (photo by jules also)

CHRISTMAS THANKSGIVING

MORNING—THE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS EVE
The sun rises, peeking through clouds, over a quiet neighborhood in a big city. Mannheim Steamroller Christmas music fills my heart and the kitchen. The music connects me to my childhood Christmases, to the music that has filled me each and every year since my first Christmas so many years ago. As the music booms, we cook eggs, cut fruit and make tea for our breakfast. The sun has made it over the roofs of the houses and bursts through our windows. African violets and poinsettia beam with joyful color. We eat in silence, reading the paper, doing sudoku or just listening. It is not an enforced silence but a natural one. No words are needed right now. Silent Night, delicious eggs and the sun streaking across the table are enough for this moment.

 

WHAT IF?

Soon the moment will be over and we’ll be in our Christmas party-prep mode. This year, as we put up decorations, bought presents for loved ones and talked with our family about plans, I found myself wishing this is how we approached more of our lives. What if instead of just once a year, we quarterly or monthly spent a day displaying beauty, listening to or singing great music and cherishing moments with our loved ones? What if? What if it didn’t need to be a date on the calendar or snow or the perfect tree? What if we just found uncelebrated days to be just as lovely, just as full of desire to bring joy to one another? What if? What if, more often, we asked others what they want and then did what we could to help them get that? What if?

 

CHRISTMAS THANKSGIVING

I am so grateful for this cherished moment—for the music, for the food, for the sun, for my sons nearby to plan the party with, for my best friend and partner Pete, to share this messy and glorious life with. What if I dropped the worry about getting the perfect gifts and the right food and just carried the gratitude instead? Perhaps the gratitude will be the best gift I give this year. Perhaps.

 

THANK YOU!

I will begin with you. I am so grateful for you in my world dear reader and friend. I couldn’t be here writing this without you. I couldn’t share it without you to receive it. You make ALL the difference in the world. Your presence in my life is cherished.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

 

With all my heart,

Jules

 

December 23, 2021

 

WINGS and SELF CARE

 October 26, 2021

One of the ways I practice self-care is I take pictures. What? yes, it is self-care. Taking my camera with me helps me see the beauty, reminds me to look at what is right there around me. I take too many photos but I don't care. Taking the photos makes me so happy, it is worth every one of them. It just fills me with gratitude to see the beauty in the world.

In July we were staying in a cabin on an island in a lake with our kids and grands for a week. One morning, my husband and I were out in the kayaks and we found these turkey vultures perched in the upper branches of the island apparently drying their wings. I was stunned by the honor to see it. What fun to have my camera with me so I could capture it and then today finally get around to sharing it with you. What beautiful creatures turkey vultures are! and oh how they can soar! 

Wings are for flying and for soaring. And our wings need care. I wonder if I do what is necessary to keep my wings ready to fly, not real ones of course but the wings of my heart and soul. What self care might be needed to make sure I am ready for flight? What daily routines might create a better environment for me to soar? 

Perhaps, just taking the photograph is a good start? Perhaps.

I invite you to let yourself enjoy the beauty that you see and then let that lift your heart to soaring. Or to do something else that lifts your heart. Let's fly!

Let's enjoy the moment while we can!

praying for more self-care and wings! Love, Jules  

GROUNDING MYSELF IN SINGING

GROUNDING MYSELF IN SINGING

Nearly three weeks ago, we all received an invitation, later it became an order, to STAY HOME. A tiny little protein covered with fat, called COVID-19 has turned our world upside down. We've cancelled an important annual event for us personally. We've shut down stores, businesses, schools, churches. There is no book group, no choir practice, no dance party. My planned presentations have been cancelled. People can't do funerals, weddings, birthday parties, graduations. They work from home as best they can. They teach their kids from home. We're living apart....and yet....we are living together again, like we haven't done in years. People are playing and calling and talking and singing. 

in the last three weeks, I've attended 5 singing 'circles' online through the tool we call Zoom. EAch time we've had between 10 and 36 singers on the screen at once. And though we don't get to hear ourselves sing together, we are singing together...one person's microphone is on, the rest are muted. ANd we're singing. And we're seeing each other. In case, I was singing with some people I have sung iwth before, in person and some people I haven't sung with before. In case, I was touched to the core by the vision on the screen. Though we aren't sharing the voice, we are sharing the song and the song/prayer is going out over the airwaves still, the soundwaves traveling out all over the world. 

This is not exclusive to our country. People all over the world are singing, drawn to that natural desire to express what is in their hearts and souls and create harmony and peace and love. 

So I drew this picture as a reflection of what I feel during those Zoom screen singing circles. Though the screen is flat, the circle is still real, like the picture.

Song circles are no longer round

Now faces on a flat screen instead

Zoom in the time of quarantine

Brings hearts together still

Weaving the thread that holds us together

With the voice of longing we all share

For that time when we will again be

Holding hands, Touching hearts, Living free. ~ jules, 3/29/2020

TWO PERSPECTIVES --7 YEARS APART

Checking out life at age 53

My True Self Isn't Always Comfortable (May 29, 2012) 

[I was 53 years old when I wrote this]

Sometimes I wish it wasn't true...that I wouldn't melt so easily...that I could do whatever I wanted without fear, without concern...that I wouldn't be afraid of consequences or how my actions might affect those I love...but then i wouldn't be me. And as it turns out, I am me, so my heart rules, love is more important than being right, kindness is more important that winning, creativity is more important than perfection, making a difference is more important that making a buck. Sometimes I wish I could play by the rules of "getting ahead, being successful, getting recognized, belonging" but then i wouldn't be me. And still, sometimes riding the tension between the extremes gets tiring, sometimes.

Making Friends with My True Self at Sixty (May 29, 2019)

Nearly three months into turning 60, I am loving it. It is not without challenges but mostly I love it. What I am noticing more and more is a growing comfort in my own skin, a growing confidence in the unique set of attributes that make me, me. I'm making friends with my true self. It's kind of amazing! 

Of course this didn't just happen all of a sudden at 60 though. It happened because seeds were planted, watered and cared for. It happened because God and I worked together to let go, to remove the weeds as I had the strength to do so (those lies that were choking me out). Some of that work was hard. Some was joyful. It happened because friends, over a sustained period of time, either showed me who I don't want to be or who I clearly want to be. It happened because someone besides me believed in me and took the time to show up. It was a collaborative effort! 

Inviting the fog to lift and the true self to emerge

And now some things about my true self have become clear. I notice that after a lifetime of hiding my voice in the back of the choir, I am truly happy and at home with my singing voice. It is enough and I don't need it to be more. I just love singing. I notice that even though I never thought I would teach, I love teaching! And even in the challenge and doubt of whether I am doing it right, I love how preparing to teach makes me focus on what's most important, it makes me the best me. I notice that when I read things I wrote 15 to 20 years ago, I love that old me too, even though she still had tons of angst. 

I'm still growing. I'm still making friends with pieces of the puzzle that I have only just discovered. There is more true self to come. And, I still dance with my false self from time to time, when the lies of loneliness and sorrow get a little loud. Even so, I heartily recommend getting older. So far, I'm thinking it's a really good deal! 

May the gift of aging be that you make friends with yourself!

~just jules 

REFLECTING ON 60!

Jules, Julie, JJ, Julieannabelle--thru 60 years!

Reflecting on and with 60!

Yesterday, a new number came knocking at the door. I said, "who is it?" "60!" was the response. I opened the door and welcomed her in. I asked what she was doing here and how had she chosen my door. She said, "that is what happens when you live this long and it's your birthday! I show up." And then I asked what she had to offer me on this momentous occasion. She said, "Love, Joy, and Gratitude." Intrigued, I asked if she would stay for tea so we talk more. We talked for hours and I gained some new insight into this new number in my life.

We talked about the older women in my life and what they did after 60 arrived. I was touched by this review of glorious womanhood in my family and friends. We laughed at the silly things I had done, some of which were stupid mistakes. We covered all the good and the hard. We talked about the things I carried forward with me into this time, things that have always been my treasures and have grown deep in me. We read some of my poetry from those other decades and found pieces of these treasures there. We talked about my dreams and my current loves in my life...great friends, good work, a wonderful husband, amazing children, beautiful grandchildren and God's love and grace.

After all that, I was still tempted to complain a little, to say I "should" have more to show for my sixty years, to say I should be younger still...but 60 stopped me. That's when she said something I hadn't expected. 

She said, "Your earned your years, fair and square...given all the struggles, parenting, friendships, jobs, marriage and extended family, given all the loss, the grieving, the heartache, illness, surgery, worry, given all  the accomplishments, the prayers and praises and thousands of photographs....You've earned those sixty years fair and square. They are NOT an abomination but a gift! How lucky you are to still be here and have hope for more and desire still for all of it! I'll be happy to stay and celebrate with you. Perhaps we can even have a party."

I laughed! and nodded yes. Of course! I am glad I opened the door and invited her in, although I suspect she might have found another way in anyway. I look forward to spending more time with this year, pondering who I want to continue growing into, pondering the fun and the joy and the adventures I still have coming. 

I am certain that part of that pondering will be focused on the many people who have crossed my path and offered me this rich and glorious life!

If you're reading this, you're likely one of those people. Thank you for showing up, for sharing your life with me! I am so grateful!

Happy 60th to me!

love, jules

THE MORNING AFTER

It is the morning after. The house is empty and quiet and messy. My heart is the same.

The quiet and dark are such a contrast to the many hours I spent celebrating with others over the last week or so. It is such a contrast that my heart feels a little whiplash, like someone has slammed on the brakes. That’s how the morning after often feels, like an abrupt change. But there is gift in it. It is that in the quiet stillness, I have an opportunity to reflect on the gifts of the season and the gatherings.

As usual, we had a number of events that filled our calendar. Here are the main events:

• December 19^th—Pete & I drove down to conduct a Dragonfly Project Volunteer event with 55 teenagers in Blue Earth, MN. I realize now that was our chance to share the gift of our son Hans in the Christmas Season. It was sweet and the teenagers were stellar, making some 1200 cards ready for sharing hope with others.

• We gathered three times with family
• December 21^st a few gathered to celebrate my Other Mother, Charlotte, on her 87^th birthday: After all these years, Charlotte still looks out on the world with loving eyes and sees the best and gives her best with grace, with patience, with kindness. She raised one of the most amazing functional communities of people, alongside her husband and his brother and sister-in-law.  2 couples, 11 children between them on one farm. I am so grateful to have married into this and been able to tap into those deep roots. Thank you Charlotte!
• December 24^th, Christmas Eve, 30 adults and 11 children, age 5 and under, gathered with Charlotte again, to celebrate Christ’s birth and each other. What struck me at this event was all the little ones and their joy with the simplest of things. And no crying or complaining from children or adults!
• December 30^th: Family Day…Pete and I had the deep joy of spending the entire day with just our children and grandchildren; just 10 of us. We went bowling, made gingerbread houses, played a game and ate lots of food. And the 3 yr olds led us in gift giving, insisting that the adults open their presents with their help. They are all such beautiful souls and I am so grateful they live close enough to spend time together.

• December 31^st: we rang in the new year by spending a couple hours with a good friend and her extended family and her dear granddaughter. Then back home, we enjoyed some time catching up with a couple other friends. Each friendship, a treasure and a gift that will sustain us as we cross the threshold into the new year. 

Each of these celebrations was filled with regular people, people who by blood or marriage or friendship have become community together. And though the celebrations vary widely and sometimes involve spilled milk or forgotten bread, they provide these communities with a chance to come together again and renew their bond. And that seems to be the most important gift of this chaos we call Christmas and New Years…to to be together, to remember Jesus is Emmanuel who came to “be with us.” I know that this community bond and this Holy Presence is what will sustain me through the mystery and chaos of another year. And so I give thanks.

Though the morning after can make one feel a bit wonky, I am glad it gave me this time, to sit and ponder the season one more time before moving on to the new year. And this is currently my intent for the new year, to take more time to sit and ponder the simple gifts; especially the gift of family, friends and community.

I wish you all a sweet and wonderful 2019, filled with the love, laughter and joy of community. Peace be with you all!

Love, jules

The Pierced Heart and the Rainbow

September 26, 2018 (another year goes by)

Two days from now, September 28, 2018, marks the 18th anniversary of Hans Day, otherwise known as Hans' day of transformation, otherwise known as death. Hans is our third son (out of four). He died at the age of 11 1/2  of  brain cancer (glioblastoma mulitforme).

We had fought it with all we had for 16 months. Those 16 months were the best (yes, the sweetest) and the hardest our family has ever lived through. Hans gave the fight his best, best self....taking time to be grateful to doctors, nurses and chaplains that cared for him, taking time to laugh and joke and enjoy his life, even in the hospital. He was a beautiful soul, who in his short life managed to connect to the infinite presence that connects us all, otherwise known as Love, or God.

Today, Hans' two older brothers and one younger are grown men. Jacob is a teacher, married with a lovely 3-year-old daughter. Karl is also a teacher, married with a two lovely children, a 3-year-old boy and a baby daughter. Luke is a software engineer, single, and making music in his basement. These three young men are as stunning to me today as the day they were born. They are amazing human beings, full of light, joy, grace, kindness and love. I like to think that Hans would be on that same team, if he was here. I like to think he's doing victory dances everyday as he watches them grow from his view on the other side.

On my way home from breakfast with a good friend this morning, I was driving through Karl's neighborhood and couldn't resist stopping by just to see him and his little family. A few minutes and a few hugs was enough to give me that shot of fresh air to fill that huge empty Hans-sized space in the center of me. (How grateful I am, I could live this close)

Your kind empathy is well received but I need to say I wouldn't trade places with anyone. I'm a lucky wife, mama and grandma. In addition to an incredible husband (Pete), I have been given incredible children to care for. These four boys, men now, are such a joy. They are such a precious gift, that some days the love just cuts right through my heart, like one of cupid's arrows. My tears are filled with both the rain of the storm and the water from a fresh spring. Today is one of those days. It's so hard to describe that I often don't attempt it but today I really wanted to try.

Maybe it's like the moment when the sun comes through your window. My heart is a prism hanging in the window and the moment I think of my boys, of Hans and his dear brothers, as babes and men, is the moment that the sun hits the prism and all colors of the rainbow explode and spread everywhere in the room. It is a piercing moment. It's a releasing moment. It's a celebration and welcoming of all that has been and that will be, because these boys came into my life.

I do miss Hans. I wish he was here. And some days I miss the old days, making macaroni and cheese, driving car pools, sick days, watching baseball games and playing brain games in the car. But none of us needs to go back. We are all better people for the experience of knowing and having Hans part of our lives. I am a better person for knowing his brothers as well. It is a magical as the moment that light goes through the prism or the light shines through rain. Somehow, God took my love and my grief and made my life into a rainbow of color.

If this doesn't make sense to you, that's okay. It will always be hard to describe. It is enough to know that some of you are out there, sharing the rainbow with me.
It is enough to be in it for another year of life and love and pierced hearts.

~Jules

WALKING DOWN MEMORY LANE

Walking down Memory Lane

I walked through my neighborhood to the grocery store yesterday. As I walked, I soaked in the activity of late afternoon--School buses dropping kids off, grandparents waiting for the kids, parents and younger siblings walking hand-in-hand, older kids riding bike, people returning from work and mowing lawns and pulling weeds; life gently buzzing around the flowers of the first week of school. 

And then I saw a boy a few blocks from my house and thought of my boys in all their school days. And suddenly this rush of memories came washing over me. So much my life, so many seasons of my life have been lived here in this neighborhood. After living in many different houses during the first 17 years of my life, I have lived here in this one for 33 years this September! Pete and I have raised four boys, added on to our home, cultivated a huge garden and friendships, said goodbye to many, grieved the loss of our third son at age 11, and both my parents and a best friend and Pete's dad. We've grown from young to middle to almost retirement age. We've grown from dreams, to letting go, to sinking deep into our authentic beings. There's been joy here and sorrow and frustration and mess and oh so much beauty. What a life it has been! 

I thought as I walked of how grateful I am to live in a place where I feel safe, where people tend their gardens and walk with their children and dogs in peace, where children play and school buses pass. And where I can see the flowers and the creativity of those who find time to tend to their houses and yards. I am grateful...so grateful to have life, to have a safe life and  a good life. It's not perfect and yet it is. The compost rots and fuels the garden. The mistakes and sorrows teach us the deep lessons and we blossom and grow more than we ever dreamed possible.

and I wondered: what if there was a way to make this simple, safe life available for all? What if every person on earth could feel free and safe walking down their street or even half them? what then? Would we be in heaven already? The only thing better than this would be sharing it with everyone.

May your life, your heart find its own garden path where compost rots and flowers bloom!

love, jules--8/30/18

The Sacredness of a Cup of Tea (or Coffee)

"A cup of tea becomes sacred time when shared with the heart of another." ~ Jules

There are some things one can't write in a public forum because there are people's privacy to protect. So many times, I have wanted to write a blog about an incredible person who has crossed my path but to share the magic of that I’d be sharing personal things about them that might not be helpful to share in public. And other times, I've been tempted to write something not so nice which I quickly realize won't help and is most likely coming from my own unmet expectations.

Perhaps that's why it is so important that we not just write and post and Twitter and Facebook but that we meet face to face, one on one or in trusted circles to share our deeper and messier and lovelier selves. When I find out who the real you is, with all the bumps and pimples and all the bravery and courage, I am even more inspired than I was when I first saw the twinkle and shine in your eyes. It has often been said that "misery loves company" and it is true. It really does help to vent our misery with others AND to discover that we are not alone in it. What we don't notice as often is that "joy loves company" too. Joy shared is gratitude that finds its way to your bones and lives. When we share our vulnerability, when we give voices to our gratitude, it becomes an abundance and that makes the world a better place.

Which brings me to why I haven't been writing more in my blog lately. I have plenty to say but right now I am focusing more energy on in-person, face-to-face meetings; spending more time with real people, with real messes and real victories to share. This is partly the gift of summer and more freedom to get out. (My work increases during the school year) And I Love it. I LOVE, love what happens to my heart, my soul when the real story is shared in real time. I love how the Holy Spirit begins to show up too. I know it takes time, but it is totally worth it. I hope I can keep making time for this.

So, this is an open invitation to you. Consider contacting someone you would like to talk to and setting up a real conversation, maybe add a cup of coffee or tea. Perhaps if we all spend more time sharing our SORROW AND our JOY, we'll stop pushing against each other and instead find ourselves inspired, encouraged and praying for one another.

And now I'm off to share the privilege of time with a friend.

~Jules, 8/28/18

GRATITUDE MONTH--#24: SUNRISES & SUNSETS

My favorite color is sunset! Indeed! 

The bright orange and pink of a sunrise can send my nightmares away and invite me to the joy of a new day. What's not to like about a day that starts with a brilliant feast of color--apricot, cantaloupe, mango, coral, salmon, tangerine, purple, pink, lavender, pomegranate, raspberry--the list goes on and on!

And then, as if to reassure me all is well, the day ends with another feast of colors in the sky! My husband, who knows how much this feeds my soul, calls me on his way home to remind me to watch the sunset! It is such a treasure. 

I've literally taken hundreds of photos of both the sunrise and sunset. I will never get tired of watching the sun play with the clouds and sky. I will never tire of this endless gift of color and light! Never!

It doesn't matter where you are--the sun is always rising and setting. It's nice to have an ocean or a mountain but you don't need one. A cityscape is enlightened as well as a lake! The farm field, the roof of the humble barn, the trees and snow in winter, the skyscrapers, and your face all reflect the glow of the golden star that blesses us every day!

Wallowing in the joy, 

jules

GRATITUDE MONTH--#19: ORNAMENTAL GRASS

These ornamental grasses are in my yard. And each time I look at them, I am just grateful! It's not the same in a photo but perhaps as you look here, they will speak to your heart too. So beautiful!

The more I spend time with nature, the more I am stunned by the abundance of it all, the glory, the beauty, strength. It makes me feel like the world has much more to offer, like I am rich indeed. 

I am so grateful for these grasses in my yard that remind me of this abundant world.

GRATITUDE MONTH--#18: CAMILLA'S CHRISTMAS CACTUS

These are my mom's, Camilla's, Christmas Cactus plants. We inherited them when she moved into the nursing home...a long time ago. (She died in 2007, 10 years ago) I don't know how old they are but likely 15 to 20 years old. I have never moved them to new pots. They just keep on living and I couldn't be more grateful, especially for the way they live!

Simple succulents with 
sections of small green leaves
sitting patiently in their tiny pots of old soil
trusting me to water them 
and the sun to shine
waiting, waiting in silence
staying green throughout the year, 
living on what little they get
then as darkness closes in on the year 
and the days grow short
the season shifts to cold 
and colder and holidays
then...then bright pink buds emerge
exploding like fireworks 
at the ends of the branches
shining their joy all over 
my gray cold fall days
bringing memories of 
Camilla's green thumb, her joy
bringing expectations
 of celebrations to come

Christmas Cactus
I give thanks for you!

GRATITUDE MONTH--#17: FRIDAYS with the GRANDS

Friday Fun for 4! or....Fridays with the Grands!

In September 2016, as Pete was backing off of work and I was in the middle of helping with daycare for the grand-kids, we began a new tradition in our family. We asked if the grands could come to our house on Fridays--both of them! They are Solveig & Wendell, first cousins, 4 months apart in age. We LOVE having them over for our Friday Fun days!

At this stage of the tradition, it goes something like this:

Breakfast is full of giggles and feet pushing against the table. Soon after there are toys all over the floor, the favorites changing as they kiddos change. Solveig leads the frequent visits to the kitchen for more snacks and meals. Wendell leads the effort to turn on all the lights in the house, however high the switches are. Feeding the fish, legos, animals, cars, balls, playing piano, etc. They love playing with us and over the months get closer and closer to playing with each other. Sometimes we even get them both napping at once in the afternoon, sometimes. Two such different kids, both precious and beautiful. We love this time to get to know them, for them to know us, to stop our serious adult lives and just be grandparents. How lucky we are! And there are lessons to learn.

These little ones live in the moment, ALWAYS! They stay in the moment even though every moment is about growing, becoming, learning how to be more me in the next moment. They are spontaneous, inviting us to give in to our urges to run and jump, to suddenly leap for a hug or grab a book to enjoy together. They find joy in the simplest things and sometimes the messy things---jumping on couches, throwing toys, tasting and dropping new foods on the floor. They live a life not measured but embraced. Life is now.

Two who are two have a lot of energy and curiosity. And these two grandparents love every minute!

I am so grateful, so thankful for this gift of Fridays with the Grands!

GRATITUDE MONTH--#14: MY FRIENDS

Friendship!
Hearts united by the mutual joy!
Dancing together through the messes of life!
My friends!

They are beautiful!
Of course!

I couldn't be more grateful for the stunning and incredible people that I get to be close to; especially these last ten years!

Singing, laughing, crying, groaning and growing together! Celebrating, honoring, challenging and reaching out to each other! My sisters of heart lift me up when I am down, remind me in a very nice way that it is not all about me AND it is all about me. And just like in the picture, they free me to dance to my own rhythm, to play, to be fully myself while also returning the favor. And what a great dance it is! They bring me hope, give me love and in the midst of their own mess find a way to give me wisdom. Friends are the best possible idea God/Love ever had! 

Thank you to all of you! 

I couldn't have made it this far without you! 

Today, I am grateful for FRIENDS!

KINDNESS: Everyday people reaching out to everyday people

I was reading Dragonfly Project email just now...mostly "thank you" messages. Tears form as my heart swells with gratitude for this work and this gift. This project is just one of many where everyday people reach out to other everyday people to offer help, encouragement, comfort and love.
It is not obvious because our general tendency is to tell the bad news, but this kind of stuff happens all the time. People see someone in need or pain and do something, often just something small, to offer support.
Have you ever noticed that just an invitation, just a note from someone saying they are thinking of you or just a smile from a stranger can make all the difference in your day? Where would I be now if not been for the kindness of someone I barely knew reaching out to me to offer the comfort of the Dragonfly Story those many years ago? I drop something in the store and some stranger picks it up for me. That big rig on the freeway gave me a chance to get in the lane. I offered to sleep on the couch but my mother-in-law made a bed up for me. That was one of the best sleeps I've had lately. It doesn't always have to take that much for us to offer kindness.
So here I sit fifteen years after the founding of the Dragonfly Project with tears of gratitude in my eyes and deep joy in my heart. Ten years ago I also joined a hospice/comfort choir (sometimes called "Threshold choir"). Morning Star Singers is everyday people offering their voices to comfort those struggling with health and well being, life and death. Having been on both sides of kindness, I can say with certainty that the seeds of kindness that were planted by others have grown into quite a garden of color in my heart. And the seeds of kindness that I have planted have brought me even deeper joy with the wonder of the way love works, the way peace works, the way we were created.
My friend Barbara McAfee has written a song about this profound thing we call kindness. I am attaching the link here. I hope you will listen and be inspired. Let's give Kindness a chance.


Here is the sound cloud link to the "Kindness" song and the lyrics in the box to the left.
https://soundcloud.com/barbara-mcafee/kindness
Barbara McAfee's website
Morning Star Singers website

The Dragonfly Project website

Free Again

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

my African violet celebrating freedom to bloom in winter

Today marks the first day in awhile that both Pete and I feel free. Not free in the sense that we have no obligation but at long last, are not confined by cancer, sinus infection or nasty viruses to a particular diet or bed or part of the house. 

Pete, had Phase 2 have his Papillary Thyroid Cancer treatment the last four weeks which ended yesterday. This consisted of three weeks of a low iodine diet followed by three days of thryoid hormone shots. After that he swallowed a radioactive iodine pill which forced him to stay overnight in the hospital and then be sequestered in his own part of the house once I brought him home. We could look at each other from a distance but couldn't touch. Pete couldn't touch any of the utensils I was going to use to eat so I had to serve him everything. As of today, this is all over!

Meantime, I contracted a nasty virus that led to a nasty sinus infection. For this same three weeks, I have spent more than half my time flat on my back in bed and some of my time caring for my grandson, who started antibiotics the same day as me. I figure in that time I used upwards of 600 kleenex tissues, and sucked about 75 cough drops, not to mention all the drugs and tea and soup. And I coughed so much I got sore stomach. Sunday was my first day out in public. I'm still blowing but the pain and headache are gone and the energy has returned. And no more cough drops!

So today, is freedom day! For the first time in ages, I feel like getting up and accomplishing something. And Pete was up and off to work at the crack of dawn. There's something so magical about the first day you wake up well after a long confinement. It feels as if I've been reborn, like I have been given another chance at life. Outside the temperatures are dropping below the zero mark, the land and some cars are freezing up and refusing to go. Inside, where all dreams are born, it is spring and green. The winter flowers are ready to burst. I'm having delusions of grandeur, of a clean house, one that is finely decorated for the holidays and all my papers sorted and my ducks in a row. I'm dreaming of holiday parties and gifts and writing my annual letter. Okay, that is a little grandiose but let me have my moment please!

Meantime, I hope each and everyone of you gets to stay healthy over the winter and holidays and that you have a moment to celebrate the freedom this health offers you. 

I'm free again! We are free again!

Happy Hans Day!

Hans Peter Bonde....(March 24, 1989--September 28, 2000)....Leaving us with Joy Forever

First steps

sweet chubby bare feet cutting their first paths across the hardwood floor arms out for balance and reaching my grandson learning to walk and climb and tumble and bump into things which I find so encouraging inspired again in my own journey to take the path accept the bumps and falls and rise again strong daring greatly sparkling eyes grin his mouth opens in wonder and I'm inspired again to enjoy the moment wallow in the joy of it living life as it comes
every step another adventure ~grandma jules, 8/25/16

Merry Christmas Thanksgiving

For me, Christmas is, in many ways, another Thanksgiving. There is this illusion that it is all about gifts and wearing red sweaters and making special cookies. Oh, and snow! But those things are just incidentals. Underneath it all is gratitude, thanksgiving. Gratitude is the motivator for the party, the gift giving and the moments of reverence and worship.

It's a time when I focus my attention on this gift of family and friends and community. Sometimes that can be bittersweet. Sometimes as I focus, I am reminded of people I cherish that I have lost through death or separation. But even those moments of grief are thanksgiving, gratitude for the gift those cherished people left behind on my heart. And then there are the parties, the food and laughter and games, we let our hair down and have fun with those we still do have.

I have to say a very special thanks for the gift of the Bonde family, my family by marriage and by heart. Last night we were watching old videos of when we were very young and just getting started. I am sooo grateful for the love and support and the joy of this amazing family I married into. Each Christmas reminds me again of this deep gift, this deep gratitude.

And then there is the gift of this baby, God who would come to be with us, this little Jesus Emmanuel. I think of this baby God, loving us so much, trusting us to hold him in our arms, to welcome him into our hearts. I can only say thank you! I am grateful for this love, this great love.

So I wish you all a Merry Christmas Thanksgiving! I hope the best gifts you get this Christmas are the moments you get to spend with the people you love and the time you spend holding that baby in your heart.

~love jules