Sweet Surrender

Ever had one of these experiences?

• I told her to meet me here at 6:00 p.m. By 6:30 p.m. I am both worried for her safety and frustrated that she hasn't called to say why she didn't come. At 6:32 p.m. I surrender. I'm thinking something has come up to keep her away and too busy to call right now. I turn and walk upstairs to my room and start figuring out what I am going to do instead. Just as I get comfortable, the doorbell rings.

• We set out twenty chairs; thinking that's a good estimate for how many show up. It's a cold dank night. Only twelve come. After about twenty-five minutes, the empty chairs and spaces get to us so we take them out and close the circle. It feels better to be closer and feel whole as a circle. Within five minutes of removing the open chairs, two more people come and we have to add chairs back in.

• At 23, my husband and I were so in love and ready to be parents We figured it was time. So we started trying to have a baby. It seemed like an easy and pleasurable task to just get pregnant. But it wasn't as easy as we thought. With each passing month, we began to wonder if there might be something wrong. I confided in my older and wiser sister. She said, "just plan a vacation or a trip and it suddenly you'll be inconveniently pregnant." She was right. The minute we focused on something else, we did get pregnant and all was well.

• I couldn't believe my ears. The spiritual center was going to sponsor me doing a "Writing as Spiritual Practice" workshop. We set a date. We calculated what might be a reasonable amount to charge and how many people would need to attend to pay me and for supplies. A week before the event, only one had signed up so we canceled it. I told them I still wanted to do it. Maybe I could do it another time? Surprisingly they said yes. So we rescheduled it. This time, I told them that I was going to do it no matter what. If only one person signed up, I would be there. And if there wasn't enough money, I would just take a cut. I said, "we can negotiate that afterward." Twenty people signed up and numerous others asked if I would do a repeat so they could go. There was enough money to pay me in full and more!

These experiences teach me the beauty of surrender. What sometimes seems like a miracle is just me surrendering control over the outcome and opening myself up to the way things actually are. I haven't completely given up. I'm still in it...I'm still committed to the cause. It's just that the energy and blessing of it seem to flow so much better when I let go of the outcome. and my gratitude grows as well. And I'm wondering if you've had this experience too?