Poetry Wisdom

The Wisdom of Poetry (9/30/23)

My favorite thing about poetry (or Micro Fiction as I sometimes call it) is that it cuts to the chase, leaving the unnecessary grammar and long sentences and getting to the point faster. Just yesterday I was looking at some old writings and found a couple short poetry that spoke to me from my former self. I thought i would share those with you. Here you go....along with a photo of my dear son Hans who is the subject of one of these poems.

Micro Fiction or Poetry

NEW VISION (15 words on 6/18/11)
an old moldy roof window
painted with new life
changes how I see my dreams

SLOW DOWN (15 words on 10/6/13)
Walking on Sore feet
Slows me down
Allowing for a longer view
Of today’s gifts

HANS (20 words about Hans on 10/6/13)
Jumping with excitement
Raging with injustice
Purring with love
His short life
Left a long legacy
Enthusiasm
Friendship
Family
Dragonflies

copywrite by Julie A. Bonde

JUST SOME THOUGHTS TO SHARE

 

Chemo #4: The Healing Prayers Continue

Last week was supposed to be my off-week, my between week, with time to recover from my last chemo and focus on other things but alas it was not to be. I got a second bladder infection that lasted through the week as the docs tried to find the right antibiotic for me. I finally got some Bactrim on Friday afternoon and was on the mend quickly after that. I am fine now, though the yeast rash persists. 

Then yesterday, August 5^th, something cool happened. I had my last AC Chemo treatment! This is a good thing! (A for Adriamycin and C for Cyclophosphamide).  As usual, on the day of chemo treatment, I felt pretty good. I was finally feeling energetic and well on Tuesday and Wednesday this week. The treatment itself is not painful and I haven’t had any nausea issues. The treatment room is quiet and peaceful with nurses tending to their patients. I listen to music on my ear buds; usually Luke playing piano. I do some puzzles and some writing or answering emails and the two hours fly by. It’s weird to sit there and let someone inject toxins it your bloodstream but it’s not painful for me.

And yet I’m thrilled to be done with AC! Over the course 8 weeks it has worn me down. Each time, I have moved to a more vulnerable place. For me the side effects of AC were mostly fatigue and a compromised immune system. It’s weird though, I was expecting colds and flu and COVID-19. What I’ve had to deal with instead is constipation, bloating, a yeast infection, a bladder infection and more recently a sun rash as AC makes your skin really sensitive. In addition, I’ve had some unusual soreness on the pads of my feet and after walking barefoot much of my life, this has been very strange. With each physical annoyance, I’m learning again how very clever our bodies are at taking care of themselves and healing themselves, often when we are not even aware, that is, until that ability is taken away. And with each physical annoyance, I am learning to respect how vulnerable I am right now. I just need to leave room in my schedule for lots of rest between activity. Oh and I did lose my hair after Chemo Treatment #2. So I’m experimenting with varying headwear now.

I forgot to say, I saw my oncologist on Monday. She agreed with me that the tumor has begun to respond to the treatment and is shrinking. (they have not done another scan yet though) This is good news as I still have 3 months of treatment left to go.

I appreciate all the prayers and songs and love that are helping me to stay in the game and helping that tumor to shrink…sooooo grateful! Every prayer, every song, every kindness adds to the healing.

So now I get two weeks and then we start the Taxol treatment which be weekly for 12 weeks. That will be another learning curve, easier in some ways, harder in others. Theoretically, if all goes according to plan, Election Day is November 3^rd and the next day, November 4^th, will be my last chemotherapy treatment so I’m praying for good results in both cases and I’m asking you to keep praying with me for both. Please pray with me!

Oh Holy One, work your healing love, life and grace in us. Give us courage for what needs to be done to be part of that healing. Give us wisdom and practical insight that we might know how to work together, how to restore peace in our hearts, how to help others, how to do our own work. Help us to rest when needed, to let ourselves be filled with hope that we might wake ready to love through another day. Fill us with a forgiving spirit that the hard times may become compost for growth and peace instead of barriers. Protect us from being overwhelmed by loneliness and despair during this time of distancing and division. Instead fill us with the truth that we are never alone, ever. You are the source of all life and love. We place our hope in you always. Amen

 

Blessings on your days,

Jules

8/6/2020

WHAT IS ABOUT TREES?

What is about trees that grabs my attention so?

Branches reaching up and out
perfectly organized and tangled 
in a crochet knot
against the blue sky

Bark that thickens 
and hardens and breaks
as the heart bursts open 
as life fattens the tree's torso

Roots that grab on and hold
reaching deep and wide for stability
for nutrients and water

Leaves budding long before spring
unfold at just the right moment
color everything to a rich warm velvety green
and then fire up orange just before they fall away

Shadows of the wise 
and wonderful neighbors
cast intriguing reflections 
on snow and sand and water

Tempting me to look up to them
for inspiration for my perfectly organized and tangled mess
for courage to allow my heart to crack open as I grow
and a reminder to reach deep and wide.

Everyday Love

Good morning reading friends,

Everyday there is some thing, some one, some exquisite moment of wisdom, some sorrow, some surprising joy, some whisper of life that catches the corner of my eye. For a moment I forget about the laundry, the project deadline, the things left unsaid, the mistakes and unhealthy choices. For a  moment I let go of my dreams and expectations and just wallow in the mystery of a world that despite its struggle is so stunningly beautiful. In that tiny moment, tucked between the back to back to back appointments, I experience my birth once again. I fall in love with God. I fall in love with people. I fall in love with love.

It happened everyday this week already.
Sunday--the Sunday school children sang their hearts out with a message of "pay it forward." Their earnestness makes me a believer all over again.
Monday--I rolled the ball to my 8-month old granddaughter. She rolled it back. I said, "good job, Solveig!" Her response was to raise her hands in the air and utter her version of "yay!" I'd been working on teaching her this since i first laid on her. And now she knows on her own. Yay!
Tuesday--right hand on my heart-left hand on the back of the person in front of me...around the circle, I sang with my dear friends in Morning Star Singers. "Deep in my Heart." The songs and the people are deep in my heart indeed. 
Wednesday--This morning just standing in the shower, washing away the dirt and the grime as the rain/snow mix offer a similar effect to the exterior. Water blessing my body and my heart, one drop at a time. 

Everyday there is some thing, some one, some exquisite moment of awareness, some surprising joy. Everyday Love.

Where Everything Meets

Thought for the day/week/month:

"In our most authentic experience of faith, everything we know and have experienced meets and we look for  wisdom and understanding in it. Questions love stopping in for these precious moments." ~ Jules

SING A NEW TUNE

What if today we practice being fully present, if even for just a few minutes?

Perhaps just step outside your door.
or pause on the way to the car.
Stop and look around you.
Take in the beauty.
take in the chaos.
Take in the order.
Ponder the abundance.
Learn the flowers
Listen to the leaves
Feel the sun's kiss
or the rains gentle baptism
Wonder about the earth's embrace
Smile back and walk on.
Notice gratitude
Breathe the light
Sing a new tune

have a great day everyone!
love, jules
(6/24/2014)

a simple formula

just give me a couple hours
a cup of tea
a friend with true heart
and a gentle ear
then i'll feel like the richest,
most successful, most serene
and i'll be the best me in the world

~just jules, 5/9/14

How Writing Saved My Life

She lived an invisible life

Hiding behind a shy facade

Hoping to not rock any boats 

with her passion for swaying

Longing for a way to say

how much she loved

Then one day the teacher said, "write"

Her pen hit the paper

Gradually word by word, 

Day by day, year by year

She became visible, alive

And now when I look in the mirror

I can see her plainly

And it makes me laugh.

Jules (January 18, 2014)

Time Keeps on Slippin'

Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin' 
Into the future 
Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin' 
Into the future 

I want to fly like an eagle 
To the sea 
Fly like an eagle 
Let my spirit carry me 
I want to fly like an eagle 
Till I'm free 
Oh, Lord, through the revolution 

Feed the babies 
Who don't have enough to eat 
Shoe the children 
With no shoes on their feet 
House the people 
Livin' in the street 
Oh, oh, there's a solution ~ Steve Miller, "Fly Like an Eagle"

It all sounds so simple but then there's that time slippin' thing. I get out of bed by seven every morning. And before i know it, it's nine! Lucky for me, I usually don't have to be to work until ten. But whoa! Slow down there time! I need you to move slow with me. 

"Where you put your time, you put your life. Where you put your life, you put your love." ~ Clayton Barbeau, Family Therapist.

I watched a video series on parenting with Clayton as the speaker when I was in my late twenties. I was a  stay-at-home mom then with at least two, if not three of my four boys already in tow. I don't remember the rest of what he said but this one phrase has stuck with me for my whole life. It's caused me over the years to re-evaluate several times. Where am I putting my time?

Once, in my early thirties, I took a whole day to assess my television watching. Shortly after that I started changing my habits. It took a few years but I did eventually figure out how to let go of this time-sucking practice. My eventual solution came in an unexpected way. Our youngest son was a budding piano player. We had an old piano inherited from my parents in the living room. The TV was nearby in what had been the dining room before we added on. We thought this would be a great TV room. But it clashed with the piano and it was so easy to just walk in and sit down and start watching. Then one day as I drove down the street, a neighbor's couch with a "FREE" sign gave me a novel idea. So we picked up the old frumpy couch and put it in the corner of our frumpy, damp basement. We hauled the TV down there and told everyone that if they wanted to watch, that was where they could go. Upstairs, on the main floor, we moved the piano to where the TV room had been and made a music room. How we spent our time changed dramatically. My son played more and more. We watched TV less and less and eventually threw both the couch and the TV away. We don't miss it. 

Today, as time slips by, I am asking myself again, now in my fifties. Where do I put my time? Where am I putting my life? Where is my love directed? These aren't easy questions and I"m not sure I want to know all the answers but I feel drawn to ask. 

And then there's "feed the babies" and "shoe the children" and "house the people" and love the lonely and give voice to the silent and celebrate the joy! 

And I want to fly like an eagle!

~jules

People

Eyes that sparkle and shine
Or ache to be seen
Ears that giggle at the sounds they hear
Or cringe from the too sharp noise
Noses that wrinkle up at the stench
or twitch with glee
Tongues that savor the flavor of chocolate
Or stick their tips out in distaste
Hands that work hard, wringing each other in desparation
or reach out and with just a gentle touch
Lift all the burdens of the world off another's shoulders
Thoughts that can encompass the universe
Invent the magical, overcome the impossible
Words and notes that sing of the angels, of God and Love
Words that challenge and sometimes damage
People
I LOVE people

newborns and toddlers
grandpas and grandmas
wobbly old man with the cane
the cranky old woman with dementia
the bossy middle-aged lady empowered with her wisdom
curious grade-school kids
questioning teenagers
young adults with ideals and hearts and energy to change the world
lonely people forgotten and scared
presidents and queens
actresses and secretaries
singers and pastors
nurses, bus drivers, street sweepers
nannies, artists,  programmers
family, friends, loved ones
co-workers and partners
teachers, mentors, therapists
advisors, listeners, coaches
people
I LOVE people

Today I cry with the deep love for people
with the sensitive compassion for the suffering
with gratitude for the abundance of people
People

~sending my love, Jules
August 13, 2013

Like Nails and Wood

"Reclamation" by Melanie Van Houten

I saw this picture of this sculpture and these are the thoughts that came to me....


LIKE NAILS AND WOOD

Words strung together
Like pieces of string
Knotted, tangled, confusing and connecting
Some are within the walls of the rules we've built
Like nails and wood
They keep us safe
But we could be trapped in this old house
Of constricting, shaming and divisive language.
What if we strung together words in a new way?
Creating doors and windows
Lifting our old infrastructure
Right over our heads
Freeing ourselves in the process

What if it is just a house and we can rebuild it?
What if they are just words and we can imagine life differently?
What if what we say really does have power to free?

8/9/13
~jules

About Noise and Silence and finding the Holy in It...Entry #4

July 30, 2013

Silence is not always Golden.

Scene 1
The bell rings. Immediately eighty children, ages six to eighteen scramble to the dining hall to find their chairs; a few elbow jabs and friendly shoves along the way. For a moment, chaos arrives in all its glory. Then another bell rings. Silence. A community prayer is said for the meal and then eighty chairs all scrape at once as each child settles into the meal; chaos once again rising as all eighty voices speak at once. If you want the bread, you have to yell, "please pass the bread." You might have to yell it several times; it is so loud.

Would silence have been better? No. This was a precious time in my life at boarding school. It was chaotic and noisy and it was connection, togetherness. I remember it fondly, with smiles on my face, as family time.

Scene 2
1987. Minneapolis, Minnesota. The Twins have just one the World Series for the first time. I know because I've seen it on television and because I can hear the screaming and hollering from my back yard, four miles away! They called the Metrodome, Thunder Dome after that season. I was able to go to one of the division series games. It may be that I lost some of my hearing that day or some of my voice. I've probably not yelled so loud before or since. I don't even play baseball or softball myself. I'm not even that big of a fan but it was so delicious, such wonderful communion to join my voice with everyone else's. Imagine, 70,000 people all cheering for the same thing, all happy for the same thing! Would silence have been better? No. I imagine this is what it must feel like to join in the angel chorus. What a glorious noise!

Scene 3
The little boy is crying. It is hard to make out what he is saying but it has something to do with "wanting one." He is very upset. His hurried, stressed and tired mother is also very upset. Her face turns red as she grabs his left arm and lifts him up to drag him along down the sky way corridor. The three of us (my husband, my mother-in-law and me) watch in horror as we continue strolling in the opposite direction. Just after we pass them, we begin to talk about them with judgment. Suddenly, my mother-in-law turns around and walks back. With determined steps she catches up to the mother and child. Right there in the middle of the sky way, she takes that mother to task with a wake-up call. "What do you think you're doing?" She let her know in no uncertain terms that this is NOT the proper way to handle a crying child. I can't believe her daring! My Norwegian Lutheran Missionary upbringing taught me that getting involved could cause more trouble, that we should always keep silent. But would silence have been better? No. Sometimes justice requires a voice.

Scene 4
I haven't heard from her in weeks. We used to talk a lot and now suddenly nothing. A few phone calls and email attempts have not been answered so I give up. Immediately I begin some very egocentric wondering. "I wonder if it was something I did or said? What did I do wrong this time?" These miserable and chaotic rumblings lead me to stop calling and writing. I give up and leave the dead silence until one day I find out my friend has just recently found out she has cancer. She's been busy going for appointments and getting ready for the treatment. With the hearing of one word,"cancer," her world has become a lonely and silent place. Silence isn't always what we think it is.

There is a time for "Be still and know that I am God"
AND there is a time for "Make a Joyful noise"
AND there is a time for "Do Justice, Love kindness"
AND there is a time for "speak boldly"

Not ALL noise is bad and not ALL silence is good. Silence isn't always what we think it is.

there is a time to listen, to be still and silent
And there is a time to speak, scream, sing, challenge, wonder, ask...

The gift of a body

It's been seven plus weeks since my hysterectomy. (52 days). I have come a long way and have even farther to go. When I see people now, most still ask "how are you?" but none expect me to say, "not so great." There is an expectation that I "should" be over it already. I know that many who have gone before me in this experience understand this. I appreciate those women who have shared their experience with me.

Yesterday was a particularly tough day. I was tired and in pain most of the day after a week of activity that I used to consider very normal. Two months ago, I would not have considered such a week to be that tiring now. Now, it feels like I put in three weeks of work in one week's time. As a result, I found myself back in bed over and over again yesterday, unable to muster energy even for writing or reading. I watched a couple of a movies. I took a nap

I'm learning to listen to my body's clues and cues in a much more intimate way than I have done in decades. I don't want to be crude but when it comes down to the basics of good digestion and elimination, every body cue is important. If digestion and elimination don't work well, mamma is not a happy camper. This pain, that twitch, this breath, that ache, that craving...every little cue matters right now.

Though I long for a strong healthy body that doesn't tire so easily, I am grateful that my body has the intelligence to tell me I need to pay attention to the basics.  What a brilliant body it is! No matter how much I ignore it, it continues to tell me when I am hungry, when I am lonely, when I am trouble, when I have accomplished something amazing and when it is time to go to bed. I want to honor this wisdom more and hope that with time, such honor will be rewarded with a happier body.

Here is some more body wisdom: Eat right, sleep well, work passionately, play hard, then just let yourself be. Only lend your energy to that which brings joy and peace to you and the world.

Thank you body...for holding me all these years!

May you find healing and wisdom in your body too.

love, jules

sitting downwind

so here i sit
downwind from eden
my feet dangling off the edge of my bed
aching with plantar faciitus
my ears ringing with a decade of tinnitus
my tummy bulging with too much sitting
my shoulder feeling the weight of too many burdens

no! i'm not old,
i'm just sitting a little too far from eden
down here where even the love-filled heart
gets her thoughts tangled in the mess
of having more to do than she expected she'd be able
of wishing she could take away the pain
of loneliness and disconnection that plagues the innocent
of loving more than she deserves

then friendship reaches out a hand
reason offers wisdom that encourages
family smiles at my presence here
the passing tree offers her loving protection
oceans sing their hearts truth
a dog wags her tail when I enter
the ground rises to support my large weight
and the sun lets me rise with it

suddenly getting into eden seems unnecessary
if in all this mess I am still
a note on the scale
of life's symphony
sigh

~jules, march 11, 2013