Doing AND Being AND Clocks

The clock is ticking! Oh my goodness....I have a to-do list a mile long and all I want to do is sit and ramble. What is it about to-do lists that makes me suddenly feel all contemplative and reflective? And what is it about centering prayer that makes me think of all the things I have to do? Hahaha! I guess the grass is always greener on the other side of the brain. 

I feel old and outdated and cliche and boring saying it but it keeps happening. Time is flying! It is zipping by! It just keeps going faster and faster. Or is it that I am going slower and slower? Either way, it seems to be a perception thing. Some days I really would like to have nice long cup of tea with Einstein and see if he can straighten me out on this whole time/space continuum thing.

It's all a bit silly really. In my 30's and 40's, I wondered what I would do with all my time once I didn't have my children to raise anymore. I was a full-time, stay-at-home mom for two decades. I didn't sit down for lunch most of those years. And I had a thin body to prove it! I swear, I never did finish all those chores. So I remember wondering if there was life past all that busyness. What a silly question! 

Of course there is more! The better question would have been to ask when I was going to slow down. My younger self would be quite surprised to hear all that I am involved with now. In a way it's a good problem to have really; things to do, people to see, dreams to ponder, life to live. Sometimes we suffer a bit as the clock ticks on while we run in place trying to accomplish. And sometimes we wear our busy-ness as badge, a status symbol. We live in a culture where being a doer, a multi-tasker, gets more respect than the quiet and slow.

Although, I think the pendulum may be swinging the other way. More and more people are practicing mindfulness, meditation, contemplative practices. More and more people are letting go of their overstuffed houses and over-scheduled lives for small, quiet living. 

I've noticed that in the last ten years, I have done a lot more embracing of the quiet and still moments. And after lots of practice  with silent retreats and centering prayer, I find I want both being and doing. I find it makes me happy to get a task and want to work at it. Accomplishing what i set out to do is a great feeling. And having time to reflect multiplies that feeling.

Could it be that we don't need Doing to be any better or worse than Being or vice versa? Could it be that we were created for both stillness AND activity? I'm starting to think so. 

Meanwhile, the clock still ticks.

About Noise and Silence and finding the Holy in It...Entry #4

July 30, 2013

Silence is not always Golden.

Scene 1
The bell rings. Immediately eighty children, ages six to eighteen scramble to the dining hall to find their chairs; a few elbow jabs and friendly shoves along the way. For a moment, chaos arrives in all its glory. Then another bell rings. Silence. A community prayer is said for the meal and then eighty chairs all scrape at once as each child settles into the meal; chaos once again rising as all eighty voices speak at once. If you want the bread, you have to yell, "please pass the bread." You might have to yell it several times; it is so loud.

Would silence have been better? No. This was a precious time in my life at boarding school. It was chaotic and noisy and it was connection, togetherness. I remember it fondly, with smiles on my face, as family time.

Scene 2
1987. Minneapolis, Minnesota. The Twins have just one the World Series for the first time. I know because I've seen it on television and because I can hear the screaming and hollering from my back yard, four miles away! They called the Metrodome, Thunder Dome after that season. I was able to go to one of the division series games. It may be that I lost some of my hearing that day or some of my voice. I've probably not yelled so loud before or since. I don't even play baseball or softball myself. I'm not even that big of a fan but it was so delicious, such wonderful communion to join my voice with everyone else's. Imagine, 70,000 people all cheering for the same thing, all happy for the same thing! Would silence have been better? No. I imagine this is what it must feel like to join in the angel chorus. What a glorious noise!

Scene 3
The little boy is crying. It is hard to make out what he is saying but it has something to do with "wanting one." He is very upset. His hurried, stressed and tired mother is also very upset. Her face turns red as she grabs his left arm and lifts him up to drag him along down the sky way corridor. The three of us (my husband, my mother-in-law and me) watch in horror as we continue strolling in the opposite direction. Just after we pass them, we begin to talk about them with judgment. Suddenly, my mother-in-law turns around and walks back. With determined steps she catches up to the mother and child. Right there in the middle of the sky way, she takes that mother to task with a wake-up call. "What do you think you're doing?" She let her know in no uncertain terms that this is NOT the proper way to handle a crying child. I can't believe her daring! My Norwegian Lutheran Missionary upbringing taught me that getting involved could cause more trouble, that we should always keep silent. But would silence have been better? No. Sometimes justice requires a voice.

Scene 4
I haven't heard from her in weeks. We used to talk a lot and now suddenly nothing. A few phone calls and email attempts have not been answered so I give up. Immediately I begin some very egocentric wondering. "I wonder if it was something I did or said? What did I do wrong this time?" These miserable and chaotic rumblings lead me to stop calling and writing. I give up and leave the dead silence until one day I find out my friend has just recently found out she has cancer. She's been busy going for appointments and getting ready for the treatment. With the hearing of one word,"cancer," her world has become a lonely and silent place. Silence isn't always what we think it is.

There is a time for "Be still and know that I am God"
AND there is a time for "Make a Joyful noise"
AND there is a time for "Do Justice, Love kindness"
AND there is a time for "speak boldly"

Not ALL noise is bad and not ALL silence is good. Silence isn't always what we think it is.

there is a time to listen, to be still and silent
And there is a time to speak, scream, sing, challenge, wonder, ask...

About Noise and Silence and Finding the Holy in it...Entry #3

July 24, 2013

6 a.m.

I often wake at this early hour, long before the alarm. I love mornings; especially early mornings when the day is yet fresh and undisturbed. I am lucky and honored to sleep in a room on the second floor with windows looking out on the trees. In some windows, if I could reach through, I could touch a tree; it is that close. Lately, when i wake up at this early hour, I've been noticing how still the trees are in the quiet and silent dawn. Sometimes I even hold my breath challenging them to move before I do. This silence shared with the trees delights me to the core of my being. Perhaps this is what has drawn me to wake at this early hour all these years; the shared silence.

In the early dawn I can for a moment melt into unity with all creation as we sit still together listening and just being. It is a spine tingling joy but I dare not shout it out until the first leaf moves. It is awe-inspiring sacredness. I can't help but entertain thoughts of love and grace and God. I feel so connected, so awake, so aware.

Stillness
silence
quiet
creates a sacredness,
a space for breath,
a moment for awareness
a place for smiling
gratitude
life

Good morning world!

happy to be here,

jules

About Noise & Silence and Finding the Holy in it, Entry #2

On a  clear August day back in 2001, i was sitting in my kayak in the middle of one of this city's many lakes...listening. I stopped paddling and just listened. It was about eight o'clock in the morning. I just sat there and listened to what I thought would be silence. Later I reflected on that moment. Here is what I wrote:

Noise vs. Silence

The noise of the world is deafening

  Me and the kayak sitting here

On the perfectly still, peaceful lake,

   While speedboats, fishing boats roar,

Lawn mowers are grinding,

   Teenagers’ music is blaring, loudly,

The bass taking over the sound of our heartbeats,

   Cars just beyond the beach are racing past,

Televisions, phones, radios,

   It is hard to escape the noise of the world,

My ears ringing constantly,

   So loud, I can’t think,

Can’t stop, can’t listen,

   Listen to the heartbeat,

Listen to the breathing,

   Hear the wind,

And know what the Spirit is Saying.

Silence vs. Truth

The silence of the World is heart-wrenching,

   Everyone speaks but,

No one says anything,

   Exaggerations, sarcasm, anger, teasing,

Idioms, Slang, small talk, big talk,

   Beating around the bush,

Skirting the issues,

   But secrets are kept,

Lies are told,

   And silence is golden,

A silence so pervasive that,

   Our heart is closed now,

Unable to hear the heartbeat,

   Listen to the breathing,

Feel the pulse of the world,

   And know what the soul is saying.

Silence & Truth

Are we listening?

   Can we hear?

Are we speaking?

   What does the Spirit say?

What do you notice about noise and silence?

jules

Keeping still long enough

Frenzy sometimes creates a necessity for discernment.

A hurried pace shakes up all the thoughts,
creating a muddy jumble of ideas, lists and places to be.
Prolonged busy-ness creates conflict of interest;
sometimes creating a haze around one's heart.
Our purpose and choice can be as clear as the ocean on a stormy day
or the river water churned up during a flood
full of mud and silt that we can not find the bottom or the top.

I've used this jar lesson before, a lesson borrowed from my favorite preacher, Pastor Stefan. You fill a jar with water and sand/dirt. You shake it up and then you set it down. The idea is to measure how long it takes for the water to become clear. The lesson is that it takes longer than you think. This particular jar took over a day to get all settled.

I think I get impatient waiting for the dust to settle and the water to become clear. As soon as things get a little clear i get hopeful and energized and begin to move fast again; jumping to conclusions. Soon I am right back to muddied waters again. Sometimes if I could just wait in silence a bit longer, the truth would be so much clearer.

Stillness is great but patience is needed too.

I'm thinking about words of wisdom from the Good Book again.

Be still and know.
Be still and wait on the Spirit of Love.

It reminds me of a song I used to sing as a kid (based on Isaiah)

Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.
They shall mount up with Wings as Eagles.
They shall run and not be weary.
they shall walk and not faint
Teach me Lord, to wait.

So how do I want my life to be?
I'd like the clear clean water please.

Oh Spirit of Love, God of Peace

Teach me to wait in stillness.

may you each have a wonderful sabbath,

jules