The gift of a body

It's been seven plus weeks since my hysterectomy. (52 days). I have come a long way and have even farther to go. When I see people now, most still ask "how are you?" but none expect me to say, "not so great." There is an expectation that I "should" be over it already. I know that many who have gone before me in this experience understand this. I appreciate those women who have shared their experience with me.

Yesterday was a particularly tough day. I was tired and in pain most of the day after a week of activity that I used to consider very normal. Two months ago, I would not have considered such a week to be that tiring now. Now, it feels like I put in three weeks of work in one week's time. As a result, I found myself back in bed over and over again yesterday, unable to muster energy even for writing or reading. I watched a couple of a movies. I took a nap

I'm learning to listen to my body's clues and cues in a much more intimate way than I have done in decades. I don't want to be crude but when it comes down to the basics of good digestion and elimination, every body cue is important. If digestion and elimination don't work well, mamma is not a happy camper. This pain, that twitch, this breath, that ache, that craving...every little cue matters right now.

Though I long for a strong healthy body that doesn't tire so easily, I am grateful that my body has the intelligence to tell me I need to pay attention to the basics.  What a brilliant body it is! No matter how much I ignore it, it continues to tell me when I am hungry, when I am lonely, when I am trouble, when I have accomplished something amazing and when it is time to go to bed. I want to honor this wisdom more and hope that with time, such honor will be rewarded with a happier body.

Here is some more body wisdom: Eat right, sleep well, work passionately, play hard, then just let yourself be. Only lend your energy to that which brings joy and peace to you and the world.

Thank you body...for holding me all these years!

May you find healing and wisdom in your body too.

love, jules

Looking up

It's been 4 weeks since my hysterectomy...

I"m sure my body is healing because my pain has lessened as time goes by. But I continue to be really tired. Today, I took a 3 hour nap (and i'm not a natural napper) and still I'm tired! But this is not the only evidence of my low energy. There are 2 opportunities to sing to night...both of them are strong desires for me. One is to sing with 1000 other people in a large community sing in Powderhorn Park. How cool it is that people in this community are bringing back singing as  a way to connect with our community. I wish I could be there. The other opportunity is that my church choir is singing Godspell along with the children of the congregation tonight. Something magical happens when the children and the adult voices join forces in song! I wish I could be there too. Instead, I am so tired I find myself unable to find enough energy to go for either. And this makes me really sad.

I don't think I've ever felt so weak, so lacking in energy, so really tired. I've also never been so overweight. There are other symptoms--a messy house, frustration with my job, loneliness, etc. I'm tired of being tired. I know that it is reasonable to be tired after this type of surgery but I was stressed and tried before that. I want to get well! I want to be healthy and strong! I want to live into my passions and do what I'm called to do. I want to be the real Jules!

I know it's a big order but at this moment I"m asking, I'm opening to all the can bring me health and strength and energy and I'm letting go as much as I know how of all that will continue to tire me and make me sick.
I guess I just figure at this point, there is no where to look but up. There is no way to look but up.