SUNSET and MOONRISE

March 17,2022--Sunset/Moonrise--Another photography adventure

We often think of the sun ruling the day and the moon lighting up the night. We think these two celestial bodies are separate, that night and day never meet, that light and darkness are not related, that sun and moon have no reason to talk to one another.  But in some ways, they are always doing this dance and almost every tme I take a moment ot be with these two old friends, I am struck by two things: the faithfulness in following their presence and the exquisite beauty when light and dark play together, finding balance in one another.

And so it was March 17^th, here in Puerto Vallarta, Mexcio, that the sun set and the moon rose within almost the same minute, as I attempted to capture this experience with my camera.

With all the photos of the sun and moon I’ve taken, I don’t believe I’ve ever done this before…captured the sunset and full moonrise within minutes of each other. But it happened! 

Our hotel here in Puerto Vallarta is situated so that when we walk out the door of our room, we enter an open corridor. From there we can see the mountains east of us. The full moon rose over that mountain right on schedule, around 7:30pm on St. Patrick’s Day. At the exact same time the sun was going down in a fiery orange glow down the beach and off to the right in front of our hotel, to the West of the bay we are on. Our room is on the 4^th floor. There is a huge swimming pool and several flights of stairs between the two places but somehow I managed to photograph a beginning of the sunset and then hustle over to the hotel and up the elevator to the top floor to catch the moon coming up. Then I hustled back to the beach for the last part of the orange glow. It was a moment of such satisfaction to both get to see these events happen at the same time and also to be able to catch a photo or two or twenty of the event. It was so fun.The result of my efforts that day is the album full of beauty and wonder. Since I can’t bring you here, I am just posting it here to share with you. Enjoy!

I have put that album in a youtube video along with a bit of music, compliments of my son, Luke Bonde. You can watch video here.

To hear more of Luke Bonde's music go to: https://soundcloud.com/lukebonde

SUN & MOON

They've been doing this dance
Through our skies for ages
Each going at their own speed
Yet still dancing with each other
Or so it seems

Sun--Queen for the day
comes in radiance
Burning with firey passion for all of this life

Moon--the King of the Night
Comes cool and calm
Reflecting the light into our darkness.

Both reminding us
Of the light that never goes out 

Let's join their dance
Let's share our light

~ Just Jules, 3/17/22

Chemo #3: Giving Thanks for a Great Day

Chemo #3--July 22, 2020

Just a month ago, I was having surgery to place a port in my chest for chemotherapy treatments. Today, I had my 3rd AC (Adriamycin/Cytoxan) Chemo treatment and I had an amazing day. For that I am grateful and I am quite sure you all have been a part of that. 

 

I woke up early, which is normal for me. I felt rested and energetic so I went and weeded in Pete's garden a little before he even woke up. Then I made breakfast. We had a virtual visit with my oncologist which was short and sweet. I found out my blood counts are doing well which lifted my spirits considerably. Then Pete dropped me off at Southdale Hospital for my Chemo.

So far, for me, the chemo treatment room, which has other people gettting treated, is a very calm place, a peaceful place. And I am lucky to not have any nausea so I can just relax about that. The time, 2 hrs, just flies by and it's over before I hardly do anything on my computer.

Afterward, Pete got me my favorite take-out foods...Leann Chin sesame chicken and a stop at the bakery for a carmel roll. I can't eat much at once but what I did was delicious. 

Then I had a very rich conversation with an old friend who has been growing alongside me for 40 years! And after that, another friend made a song and sent it to me...what a gift! and I got to chat with her too. Meantime the mail came and in it another card encouraging me.

So then, I had energy to make Pete dinner and for that too, I am grateful. Tomorrow, I will likely be more tired as the chemo sinks into my body. I am learning that my body is more vulnerable than I had expected, that I can't just fight off everything or recover like normal from activity. And that vulnerability is teaching me to enjoy the energy days even more.

Meantime, I can't thank all of my friends enough, for the cards, the love, the support, the offers of help and prayer and song. I know we're supposed to be doing something to change the world now, to overcome racism and other things. What if we all flooded the world with kind thoughts, love, support, cards, kind deeds? what if we could change the world with intention and prayer and song? 

This card came today!

Tonight I'll sleep well and then....

Tomorrow will bring its own challenges and vulnerability.

Tomorrow I'll still have a beautiful community of friends and family.

Tomorrow I'll still have the trees in my back yard.

Tomorrow I'll have the option to surrender to rest and healing.

And I'll hope to have energy to share the love and kindness with my neighbor, that the kindness might change the world.

Good night! Sleep well.

Jules

SONGS OF HOPE TO SHARE #1

Inspired by all the song sharing on Facebook these last 2 weeks, I thought I'd share some songs of hope with you from various sources. Songs to Share during COVID-19 crisis:

This song was written by Linda Allen in response to the burning of the World Trade Center in NYC after 9/11/2001. 

you can find out more about Linda and this song here: https://songsforthegreatturning.net/honoring-our-pain-for-the-world/ashes-and-smoke/

Ashes and Smoke by Linda Allen
"We have been burned, burned by the fire.
And we are ashes, ashes and smoke
And we will rise, higher and higher
On the wings of compassion, justice and hope."
Written by Linda Allen after 9/11/2001, the burning of The World Trace Center in NYC. Singing party nov 2016 www.singportland.com




Laurence is a sweet and powerful song writer and circle song leader. A couple days ago, I came across this one and it touched my heart so deeply during this COVID-19 quarantine. Without jobs to go to, or events to attend, many of us now have time to "busy" ourselves with these heart-centered activities...beauty, love, friendship, peace, health.

you can find out more about Laurence and this song here: https://www.laurencecole.com/album/busy-yourself-making-beauty/

Busy Yourself Making Beauty by Laurence Cole.

Busy yourself making beauty.  Busy yourself making love.

Busy yourself making friendship, and everything else will work out.

REFLECTING ON 60!

Jules, Julie, JJ, Julieannabelle--thru 60 years!

Reflecting on and with 60!

Yesterday, a new number came knocking at the door. I said, "who is it?" "60!" was the response. I opened the door and welcomed her in. I asked what she was doing here and how had she chosen my door. She said, "that is what happens when you live this long and it's your birthday! I show up." And then I asked what she had to offer me on this momentous occasion. She said, "Love, Joy, and Gratitude." Intrigued, I asked if she would stay for tea so we talk more. We talked for hours and I gained some new insight into this new number in my life.

We talked about the older women in my life and what they did after 60 arrived. I was touched by this review of glorious womanhood in my family and friends. We laughed at the silly things I had done, some of which were stupid mistakes. We covered all the good and the hard. We talked about the things I carried forward with me into this time, things that have always been my treasures and have grown deep in me. We read some of my poetry from those other decades and found pieces of these treasures there. We talked about my dreams and my current loves in my life...great friends, good work, a wonderful husband, amazing children, beautiful grandchildren and God's love and grace.

After all that, I was still tempted to complain a little, to say I "should" have more to show for my sixty years, to say I should be younger still...but 60 stopped me. That's when she said something I hadn't expected. 

She said, "Your earned your years, fair and square...given all the struggles, parenting, friendships, jobs, marriage and extended family, given all the loss, the grieving, the heartache, illness, surgery, worry, given all  the accomplishments, the prayers and praises and thousands of photographs....You've earned those sixty years fair and square. They are NOT an abomination but a gift! How lucky you are to still be here and have hope for more and desire still for all of it! I'll be happy to stay and celebrate with you. Perhaps we can even have a party."

I laughed! and nodded yes. Of course! I am glad I opened the door and invited her in, although I suspect she might have found another way in anyway. I look forward to spending more time with this year, pondering who I want to continue growing into, pondering the fun and the joy and the adventures I still have coming. 

I am certain that part of that pondering will be focused on the many people who have crossed my path and offered me this rich and glorious life!

If you're reading this, you're likely one of those people. Thank you for showing up, for sharing your life with me! I am so grateful!

Happy 60th to me!

love, jules

THE MORNING AFTER

It is the morning after. The house is empty and quiet and messy. My heart is the same.

The quiet and dark are such a contrast to the many hours I spent celebrating with others over the last week or so. It is such a contrast that my heart feels a little whiplash, like someone has slammed on the brakes. That’s how the morning after often feels, like an abrupt change. But there is gift in it. It is that in the quiet stillness, I have an opportunity to reflect on the gifts of the season and the gatherings.

As usual, we had a number of events that filled our calendar. Here are the main events:

• December 19^th—Pete & I drove down to conduct a Dragonfly Project Volunteer event with 55 teenagers in Blue Earth, MN. I realize now that was our chance to share the gift of our son Hans in the Christmas Season. It was sweet and the teenagers were stellar, making some 1200 cards ready for sharing hope with others.

• We gathered three times with family
• December 21^st a few gathered to celebrate my Other Mother, Charlotte, on her 87^th birthday: After all these years, Charlotte still looks out on the world with loving eyes and sees the best and gives her best with grace, with patience, with kindness. She raised one of the most amazing functional communities of people, alongside her husband and his brother and sister-in-law.  2 couples, 11 children between them on one farm. I am so grateful to have married into this and been able to tap into those deep roots. Thank you Charlotte!
• December 24^th, Christmas Eve, 30 adults and 11 children, age 5 and under, gathered with Charlotte again, to celebrate Christ’s birth and each other. What struck me at this event was all the little ones and their joy with the simplest of things. And no crying or complaining from children or adults!
• December 30^th: Family Day…Pete and I had the deep joy of spending the entire day with just our children and grandchildren; just 10 of us. We went bowling, made gingerbread houses, played a game and ate lots of food. And the 3 yr olds led us in gift giving, insisting that the adults open their presents with their help. They are all such beautiful souls and I am so grateful they live close enough to spend time together.

• December 31^st: we rang in the new year by spending a couple hours with a good friend and her extended family and her dear granddaughter. Then back home, we enjoyed some time catching up with a couple other friends. Each friendship, a treasure and a gift that will sustain us as we cross the threshold into the new year. 

Each of these celebrations was filled with regular people, people who by blood or marriage or friendship have become community together. And though the celebrations vary widely and sometimes involve spilled milk or forgotten bread, they provide these communities with a chance to come together again and renew their bond. And that seems to be the most important gift of this chaos we call Christmas and New Years…to to be together, to remember Jesus is Emmanuel who came to “be with us.” I know that this community bond and this Holy Presence is what will sustain me through the mystery and chaos of another year. And so I give thanks.

Though the morning after can make one feel a bit wonky, I am glad it gave me this time, to sit and ponder the season one more time before moving on to the new year. And this is currently my intent for the new year, to take more time to sit and ponder the simple gifts; especially the gift of family, friends and community.

I wish you all a sweet and wonderful 2019, filled with the love, laughter and joy of community. Peace be with you all!

Love, jules

WALKING DOWN MEMORY LANE

Walking down Memory Lane

I walked through my neighborhood to the grocery store yesterday. As I walked, I soaked in the activity of late afternoon--School buses dropping kids off, grandparents waiting for the kids, parents and younger siblings walking hand-in-hand, older kids riding bike, people returning from work and mowing lawns and pulling weeds; life gently buzzing around the flowers of the first week of school. 

And then I saw a boy a few blocks from my house and thought of my boys in all their school days. And suddenly this rush of memories came washing over me. So much my life, so many seasons of my life have been lived here in this neighborhood. After living in many different houses during the first 17 years of my life, I have lived here in this one for 33 years this September! Pete and I have raised four boys, added on to our home, cultivated a huge garden and friendships, said goodbye to many, grieved the loss of our third son at age 11, and both my parents and a best friend and Pete's dad. We've grown from young to middle to almost retirement age. We've grown from dreams, to letting go, to sinking deep into our authentic beings. There's been joy here and sorrow and frustration and mess and oh so much beauty. What a life it has been! 

I thought as I walked of how grateful I am to live in a place where I feel safe, where people tend their gardens and walk with their children and dogs in peace, where children play and school buses pass. And where I can see the flowers and the creativity of those who find time to tend to their houses and yards. I am grateful...so grateful to have life, to have a safe life and  a good life. It's not perfect and yet it is. The compost rots and fuels the garden. The mistakes and sorrows teach us the deep lessons and we blossom and grow more than we ever dreamed possible.

and I wondered: what if there was a way to make this simple, safe life available for all? What if every person on earth could feel free and safe walking down their street or even half them? what then? Would we be in heaven already? The only thing better than this would be sharing it with everyone.

May your life, your heart find its own garden path where compost rots and flowers bloom!

love, jules--8/30/18

GRATITUDE MONTH--#22: A THANKSGIVING PRAYER

Happy Thanksgiving!--part 3
I found this Thanksgiving Prayer in my archives. I wrote it on November 23, 2001, a year after Hans died. It is obvious the effect that the loss of this little boy had on me! I want to share it with you now. I know it doesn't suit everyone's situation. I know that this day is about family and togetherness and there are many who don't or can't have that for all kinds of reasons. I know, for some this day will be painful or a mixture of all kinds of feelings. Wherever you are today, I pray that you can reach your hand out at some point and touch someone and be able to say "thank you." In my humble opinion, life doesn't get any better than that. 

Here is my Thanksgiving Prayer/Meditation:

Take a deep breath,
Slow down your thoughts,
Take another deep breath, and another,
You have just taken in again God’s gift of life.
Every breath is a gift, a sacrament,
And every plant on the earth provides the oxygen,
And provides the food,
All are a part of the gift of life God gives us. 

In a few moments we will be strengthened
By the feast that we are about to eat.
We will be doubly blessed and doubly strengthened
By sharing this feast with loved ones. 

Reach out your hands now to the person on either side of you.
Feel the energy of the love that passes
Through your hands.
God has blessed us with this amazing fantastic family.
We thank God for the gift of those who we wish were with us here today.
Let us pray the table prayer
which Hans helped us learn from his prayer book. 

 “God we thank you for this food,For rest and home and all things good,For wind and rain and sun above,But most of all for those we love.” 

 While we continue holding hands
Each person look to the left and
Thank God for the person next to you
And for one other thing
Until the circle is complete.

GRATITUDE MONTH--#12: MY OTHER MOTHER

I am grateful for Charlotte Bonde!

I call her my "Other Mother" because mother-in-law does not do her justice. I met my husband when we were yet 18 and shortly after that I met his mother when he took me home with him to attend his brother Bill's wedding. That makes 39 years that I've been one of Charlotte's many children.

I couldn't ask for a better Other Mother! She's kind and generous, patient, open to change as it is needed, and deeply committed to her family and her faith. She's always been active in her community as she has time and energy for. And she keeps her door open to her family, almost 24-7! And on top of it, she treated my mother as one of her own after my dad died and included her in all of the Bonde festivities. She listens to me. She talks to me. She even reads my blog! Wow!

That was above and beyond the call of Other Motherhood. I hold her up as one of my examples to follow of how to live in the world, to live in community and in faith and love.

So today, I'm grateful for my Other Mother, Charlotte Bonde!

GRATITUDE MONTH--DAY #6: The Dragonfly Project

GRATITUDE MONTH/THANKGIVING--DAY #6: The Dragonfly Project

I'm in the middle of working on the Fall issue of The Dragonfly Buzzette, the bi-annual newsletter for The Dragonfly Project. It's my/our 24th issue. You'd think by now, I'd be tired of this work but the moment I dive in and start reading the articles, I am instantly reminded of why I've been doing this work for the last 13+ years. Hope. It's so full of hope. And the world needs hope, yesterday, today, everyday.

The Dragonfly Project is a small non-profit organization started in 2002 by an 11-year-old girl (Anne Brooker) with the goal of sending condolence cards, dragonfly key chains and the dragonfly story to people who are grieving. Fifteen years later, we've sent out 93,000 of these cards to people all over the country and even a few outside the United States. It's truly a community project, run completely by volunteers, with approximately 20 people behind every card. It's people offering hope to each other in the midst of something everyone has to deal with, the loss of loved ones. It's people finding hope in the symbol of the real life-cycle of a dragonfly, hope for life after this one and even a connection to those who have moved on through the process of death. It's finding hope in death. It's finding hope in nature. It's finding hope in each other. 

The more I'm involved (I also lead volunteer events), the more I work with the many volunteers who do this work, the more I read the stories of dragonflies arriving just at the right time, the more I believe in this miracle of hope. Hope for life, hope for love and community, hope coming through the death of a loved one, hope coming through compassion.

And beyond that, I am personally grateful for the opportunity to work for this amazing project. Over the last 13 years I have learned so much more about myself than I ever thought possible. I feel stronger, more peaceful and more hopeful about my life as well about the communities of people I encounter through this work. That includes even the lovely printing company in my neighborhood (Tracy Printing) who prints our newsletter. They are efficient and kind and loving and do great work as well.


And all of this started when our son Hans died 17 years ago and our family met Anne's family. Then Anne's family shared a story of a dragonfly's transformation and from there Anne decided to help more people. And dragonflies and The Dragonfly Project have been offering hope a chance to grow ever since.

Today, I am grateful for The Dragonfly Project. I am grateful for the hope that grows when we share our compassion with each other in times of grief. Today's gratitude: The Dragonfly Project!

You can learn more at www.dragonflyproject.org and some day maybe you'll even get a chance to hear my whole dragonfly story, The Miracle that Came in the Mail. 

LOOKING FOR LIGHT AND LOVE

So something horrible happened yesterday and we can't ignore it. And something wonderful happened yesterday but we might have missed it. It is ever so subtle and yet powerful how each time tragedy strikes, our hearts grow a tiny bit closer to each other. We let down our shields for a moment and feel compassion. We open the door just a little bit more to the idea that we are connected, that we are truly one world neighborhood. In that brief moment before we've moved on to the next thing, love has a chance to grow. It doesn't feel wonderful but it is. Why? Because we need compassion in order to get to action, in order to get to peace. Because if a flame of love is ignited in each of us, we might just have enough light to find our way. I know it doesn't make sense. And please don't misunderstand. I'm not trying to gloss over the tragedy. It is indeed a devastating thing, one that will echo in our conversations for years to come, as others have. It is just that I hope the echo is love. Perhaps it's not possible to explain. All I know is that my heart has been broken through tragedy and loss, sometimes to the point of complete surrender. And each time, in that moment after I surrendered to the brokenness, when I put my hands up in despair, that's when the love came pouring in, from friends, from strangers, from the Spirit. That's when the love has grown the most. Leonard Cohen's "Anthem" consoles us with this phrase: "there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in." That's where I feel a nudge to go today, to look for the light coming through the crack. So here we are again. Can you feel it? Where will love lead us now? What if we let our lights shine together?

KINDNESS: Everyday people reaching out to everyday people

I was reading Dragonfly Project email just now...mostly "thank you" messages. Tears form as my heart swells with gratitude for this work and this gift. This project is just one of many where everyday people reach out to other everyday people to offer help, encouragement, comfort and love.
It is not obvious because our general tendency is to tell the bad news, but this kind of stuff happens all the time. People see someone in need or pain and do something, often just something small, to offer support.
Have you ever noticed that just an invitation, just a note from someone saying they are thinking of you or just a smile from a stranger can make all the difference in your day? Where would I be now if not been for the kindness of someone I barely knew reaching out to me to offer the comfort of the Dragonfly Story those many years ago? I drop something in the store and some stranger picks it up for me. That big rig on the freeway gave me a chance to get in the lane. I offered to sleep on the couch but my mother-in-law made a bed up for me. That was one of the best sleeps I've had lately. It doesn't always have to take that much for us to offer kindness.
So here I sit fifteen years after the founding of the Dragonfly Project with tears of gratitude in my eyes and deep joy in my heart. Ten years ago I also joined a hospice/comfort choir (sometimes called "Threshold choir"). Morning Star Singers is everyday people offering their voices to comfort those struggling with health and well being, life and death. Having been on both sides of kindness, I can say with certainty that the seeds of kindness that were planted by others have grown into quite a garden of color in my heart. And the seeds of kindness that I have planted have brought me even deeper joy with the wonder of the way love works, the way peace works, the way we were created.
My friend Barbara McAfee has written a song about this profound thing we call kindness. I am attaching the link here. I hope you will listen and be inspired. Let's give Kindness a chance.


Here is the sound cloud link to the "Kindness" song and the lyrics in the box to the left.
https://soundcloud.com/barbara-mcafee/kindness
Barbara McAfee's website
Morning Star Singers website

The Dragonfly Project website

A week wrapped in love and a "rain-set"

Last night's "rain-set" (a combination of rain and sunset) was spectacular. Here is a photo of the sunset through the gentle rain that had fallen all afternoon ( out my book door). As Pete and I stood on our back steps and watched, I kept thinking that this was a week wrapped in love and prayer. The sun and rain helped me see that. Let me explain.

I have to back up a ways. At the end of June, our son noticed a bump on Pete's neck which we decided should be checked out. then there was a doc visit, an ENT visit, a CT scan, a biopsy and an ultrasound. On August 4, Pete was diagnosed with papillary thyroid cancer. That whole first week after the diagnosis, I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. It took all my strength to not jump to horrible conclusions. And actually the news was good. This is a cancer with a 95% cure rate, even after 20 years. And Pete is one of the healthiest people I know. But I've been down the path that runs through the shadow of death before and I've lost people, including my 11 year old son Hans (in 2000). Just because everything looks good doesn't mean it is. I know this truth in my bones and deep in my heart. So I reached out for support and prayers because no matter how things turn out, life is just better when the community focuses on blessing and supporting each other.

On Wednesday, September 14, (just two days ago) Pete had his surgery at the U of M hospital with the same surgeon who did my parathyroid surgery 5 years ago. This helped give me confidence in the outcome. I totally trusted Dr. Evasovich. Then on the day of surgery, my friend Cheryl, and Pete's sister Kris (and later my children) joined me in the family waiting room. It was a long, long day which included a 3-hour delay before the surgery started. But we weren't wrong about Dr. Evasovich. She did a great job taking out his thyroid and several lymph nodes as well as avoiding all the risks of nerve damage. She even caught an extra problem in one of Pete's parathyroids and removed that.

All the while, I knew people were praying and sending love and holding us tenderly in their hearts. It was exhausting to wait but inside, at the center, I felt a peace that passes all understanding. It was similar to something I had felt before when our son Hans got brain cancer...the mystery of beauty in the midst of pain and chaos, the mystery of how people can hold one another with love.

Yesterday, Thursday, I brought Pete home from the hospital around noon with every hope that he will fully recover. He has a very sore throat but was able to eat and spent most of the afternoon resting. And then in the evening a very sweet thing happened. There was this poetic movement of the sun echoing off of every raindrop as it sank into the horizon. Yellow and orange filled the sky as the rain continued to fall. I couldn't help but think this is what happens when everyone prays...the light shines and echoes off of every teardrop, every deep sigh. Tears wrapped in love turn to gratitude and joy. This is another truth sinking deep into my bones. Light and love change everything, even a week spent fighting cancer.

So I offer my gratitude to God, to all of you, to the mystery of how love can make a rain-set appear on your back steps at the end of day full of struggle. Thank you for wrapping my week in love!

Love, jules ~ 9/16/16