Living in the Gap

 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.~ Romans 7:15

We are so quick to condemn this or exile that, to ostracize the breaker of promises, when the truth is that nothing in nature arrives as imagined. In fact,  because the space between what we intend and what we do is often great, we keep beginning. Because the gap between what we feel and what we say is often surprising, we keep trying. Because the field between what we experience and what we understand is so vast, we keep growing....We aim, mean well, and fall short, or wide or overreach what we set out to do. ~ Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening

I'm living in the gap. That's me. I reach out with all my heart, try to love as I would be loved, live as much as I can into the gratitude of God's grace and still I fall flat on my nose or worse, bump right into you my dear friends causing you pain. And then in my shame, I pull back in and hope you don't notice how stupid that attempt at humanity was just now. And then in my desire to be authentic and true, I find myself confessing the sin with inadequate words and once again, I fall short of my own plans to be the best I can be. All the while, the truth is I will always be living in the gap between what I dream life can be and what it once was. I've come a long, got a long way to go...always.

On a long ago day, I had an experience that is a wonderful example of how messy caring for others can get. I was a young stay-at-home mom. I had four boys, ages 10, 7, 5 and 2; all athletic and active but wonderful children. That day I was upstairs cleaning while the boys were in the basement playing basketball. We had set up small basketball hoops as high as we could go in our 7ft ceiling clearance. They were just the right size for the boys using miniature basketballs. All was well until I heard this scream. I came around the corner to the top of the stairs just as my 7 year old got to the bottom of the stairs. He was holding his hand under his mouth as blood poured out. It looked intially like he had lost all his teeth. As it turned out he gone up for a reverse dunk and when he came down one of his new front teeth had gotten caught in the net. I panicked. I couldn't breathe. I felt so bad that I had not been able to prevent this from happening and that my son's mouth would now never have this beautiful tooth. I had all those feelings before I even went looking for the tooth. I called the dentist who helped me breathe and told me what to do. Miraculously we found the tooth, the dentist put it back in and it finished growing. Years of orthdontic treatment and my son, now 24, still has his own teeth and a beautiful smile to go with them. 

Several years ago, the subject of this event came up when we were talking. My son, in his youthful honesty said, "mom, that was one of the worst days for me...not because of my tooth. I don't even remember the pain but because you weren't there for me." Stunned, I realized he was right. Somewhere in that, even though I did what I thought was right, I let my own feelings, my own panic become more important than his feelings. I wasn't there for him even though I did everthing I could to be. Looking back, I see that this still sometimes happens with me. my gift of being able to empathize with others' feelings is also sometimes a curse clouding my ability to be fully present. I've beaten myself up plenty for this.

It happened again the other day. I was trying to be there for an important person in my life. I stepped up to the plate without hesitation. My heart was in before I had even a coherent thought. My brain followed and did its best to be reasonable guide. And suddenly my own sympathetic pain got in the way of me being fully present. I fell short, bumped my ego and hurt my friend as well. I don't regret reaching out but I do regret getting in the way. I still live in the gap between my reach and my grasp. All of us do.

But Mark Nepo offers the brighter side. due to the gap, I keep reaching and I do keep growing. And as I continue finding grace and forgiveness, I relax more and become more present, more authentic and less hard on myself as well as those around me. Due to the gap, I daily remember that all of us are all just doing our best to live and love, to grow and thrive, to make the world a better place. And though we fall short, our best efforts to reach out do help bring love and growth and healing into the world.

Later on in Romans 8:39 it says that "nothing can separate us from the Love of God." I am counting on that including the fact that I keep falling over my own efforts to love.

 

May you each know the Grace of God that is beyond understanding and still available to us all.

jules

gratitude

A life of gratitude is a life of abundance. "Count your blessings" is not just a platitude. Saying "thank you" is not just politics. We need to know gratitude in order to know joy, in order to know peace. I invite you to notice the grace in this moment. And I thank you for connecting with me in all the ways that you have.

in gratitude,

 jules

Blessing or Curse but always a Gift

"You're so social these days Jules. You didn't used to be." my good friend noted the other day on the phone as we talked about life. She was right. I have changed my mode of operation. What is odd is that both behaviors come from the same place in my heart, the same gift. This particular gift is my very strong desire to be in loving relationship with others...to share the love I know is ours, to love and be loved without judgment, with fear. This strong desire has led me to hide away and to boldly go where no one has gone before.

For years, I kept my guard for fear of rejection, for fear of mistake, for fear of abandonment. Surely if they really knew me, they would leave...was my early interpretation of relationship. There was a lot of leaving of people in my childhood. Then one day a few years ago (as in my mid 40's), after much whining and pouting about how no one ever invites me to things, no one ever calls me, I had a great epiphany! Hahaha, it makes me laugh now because this epiphany could have been said by any parent anywhere. Instead it came from within. Suddenly I knew this simple truth...I could stay at home and pout and cry about being lonely or I could call people up and arrange to be with them. I could let myself be loved wherever I could find love. And so the "change" that my friend was calling out began to occur. To many now I appear very social and no where near the "shy" label that I  grew up with. I love people! I don't like them all (indeed some are very irritating) but I love the adventure of meeting people and now that I have given myself permission to not wait for them to call me, I get to meet many, many more people than before. It brings so much pleasure to my life. A few have actually come to be those friends that I can count on to not leave. What a gift that is!

So right from the beginning, this gift of love and relationship brought with it curse and blessing. And now it seems I have solved it? WRONG! I still find my shadow self and my light self standing side by side on this issue. Our shoulders touch  just as physical shadow touches our feet. The light side of this endless bounty of love is always touching the dark side of this fear that I can never love enough or be good enough to be loved. On my good days, my lap is big enough to hold a dozen friends. On my bad days, I'm still hiding in my closet with the doors closed wondering if I'll ever get it right. How is it that someone who has come to enjoy companionship so much, who has so many wonderful people to cherish and admire, can still have moments when she feels so unlovable? It seems that no matter how "good"  or "light" we get, the mystery of our need for God's mysterious unconditional love is still blowing through our lungs. We can taste the rich chocolate dessert and appreciate its wonderful texture but we can't consume the whole thing and really take in the depth of this wonderful mystery of love. It is a blessing. It is a curse. And it is always a gift.. I pray that we can all stay open to it as we ride the waves of this love.

May you find your gifts to be gifts even on your cursing days! May you have many more blessing days than cursing days!

hugs,

jules

Giving this Moment My Life

After a long absence from my blog, I am finally back. The journey the first half of this year has been a long meandering path with lots of stops to nurse sprained ankles, exhausted dreams and broken hearts. Some years are like that. You do what you can to survive and try as you might, there just isn't enough time to do anything but take one step; today's step. Yesterday's steps have been taken, for better or worse. Our experiences and choices and DNA have brought us to another moment, this one.

I've come to really appreciate the grace of this moment. There is is so much gift right here, right now. Everything I need is here. Life, love, work, joy, possibility. For starters I'm alive. In spite of all the mistakes and hazards, in spite of all the reasons to not be, I'm alive. I breathe in the air of love and exhale the mystery; sharing it with those around me. I can feel my dog's heart beat, hear her snore, watch her gorgeous aging body give way to her love for me as she rests at my feet. I can taste the faint sweetness and relish the nourishment of a banana grown in some far away place and cradled carefully in trucks and crates until it reaches my lips. I can call a friend to offer my heart or wash dishes to take care of my piece or peace of earth. I can take a deep breath and listen once more to the old church lady's story or  answer the phone pleasantly at my desk, "good morning, this is Julie. how may I help you?" I can languish on the couch and listen to the city buzz or give my full breast to a song that is burning within me. No matter how much I've screwed up in the past, I have the option of doing all these things without a suitcase full of guilt. I'm forgiven. I'm human after all.

This tiny moment is so full of abundance and grace. In the closing lines of Mark Nepo's poem, "Accepting this" he offers the limits of this moment. "there is nothing to do and nowhere to go. accepting this, we can do anything and go everywhere." Wow! That's like finding an encyclopedia written on the head of pin. All of that possibility right here, right now, in this one step. We can choose to live healthier and longer, to let go of our old stories of shame and blame. We can let go of our need to apologize and just get on with it.

Personally, while I've been writing this blog, I've been considering letting myself off the hook and just living right into my dreams again. I've been considering more moments of love and less of guilt, more moments of music and less of whining, more laughter and less fear. I've been considering how lucky I am to be here.

The closing line in Mary Oliver's poem "The Summer Day" is "Tell me, what is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" With apologies to Ms. Oliver, I'd change that to the moment. How are you going to live into this one wild, abundant and delicious moment?" Hope from the past and dreams for tomorrow help to motivate and steer us but Life is only in this moment. Tell me, what abundance can you find in this mysterious moment? What life are you living now? What life do you choose this moment and this one and this one?

From the song "Moment" by Leahy.

And I'll run
To the light
Though I don't know what's coming before me
I'll be alright
Now I know
I'm alive
Oh my heart is wide open
I'm giving each moment my life

I'm holding this moment
I'm loving this moment
I'm giving this moment
The rest of my life

Keeping still long enough

Frenzy sometimes creates a necessity for discernment.

A hurried pace shakes up all the thoughts,
creating a muddy jumble of ideas, lists and places to be.
Prolonged busy-ness creates conflict of interest;
sometimes creating a haze around one's heart.
Our purpose and choice can be as clear as the ocean on a stormy day
or the river water churned up during a flood
full of mud and silt that we can not find the bottom or the top.

I've used this jar lesson before, a lesson borrowed from my favorite preacher, Pastor Stefan. You fill a jar with water and sand/dirt. You shake it up and then you set it down. The idea is to measure how long it takes for the water to become clear. The lesson is that it takes longer than you think. This particular jar took over a day to get all settled.

I think I get impatient waiting for the dust to settle and the water to become clear. As soon as things get a little clear i get hopeful and energized and begin to move fast again; jumping to conclusions. Soon I am right back to muddied waters again. Sometimes if I could just wait in silence a bit longer, the truth would be so much clearer.

Stillness is great but patience is needed too.

I'm thinking about words of wisdom from the Good Book again.

Be still and know.
Be still and wait on the Spirit of Love.

It reminds me of a song I used to sing as a kid (based on Isaiah)

Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.
They shall mount up with Wings as Eagles.
They shall run and not be weary.
they shall walk and not faint
Teach me Lord, to wait.

So how do I want my life to be?
I'd like the clear clean water please.

Oh Spirit of Love, God of Peace

Teach me to wait in stillness.

may you each have a wonderful sabbath,

jules

Investing in My Future (Graduation 2010)

It's Sunday, June 6, 2010. The newspaper and the media remind us it's D-Day, a time to remember when courageous and determined Allied troops stormed the beaches and changed the direction of World War II, an echo that is still rippling through history. I confess, I take their contribution for granted.

I'm not from a military family. I'm from a missionary family; a different sort of soldier in the fight against what we perceive as the darkness. So today is special to me because I'm wallowing in the sunshine of a new day. Yesterday my youngest son, youngest child graduated from Patrick Henry High School. He's pictured here with two of his friends.

I'm extremely proud of all three of these boys. They've worked hard to overcome life's obstacles to get to graduation day. They each have a story to tell of loss and hardship. For one, his brother died of cancer when he was just 8 and his brother only 11. For another, his older brother dropped out of high school and his dad left. For the third, he's more or less raised himself without much parental support or guidance. They've each had the opportunity to use their lives as excuses to give up and not try. And yesterday they walked up on the stage and took their reward. I'm proud to know them and to have had them all spend time with us in our home. But there's more to this story than that.

D-day is day to remember that if we persevere and join forces we can change the tides and move mountains. One of those mountains that we've worked for generations to move in this country is prejudice. As I have gotten to know the friends of my three boys and watched them interact with one another in person and on Facebook, I have come to realize that the tide has turned. I am so excited to be seeing in my lifetime a movement from segregation to tolerance to celebration of differences. The three boys pictured above are friends, good friends and their circle is truly much bigger and much more diverse than the three of them. They don't just merely tolerate each other as different, they celebrate it. They don't avoid words like black or white or Asian, they use them with joy. They know the challenges are steep but they see each person in their circle as having the same potential to overcome those challenges. It is almost as if prejudice has been erased. My spine tingles at the thought that in my son's lifetime we will move from focusing on the haves and have-nots to celebrating that we are all one community. My son and his friends are just the sort of people to bring us back to a strong sense of community, a strong sense of family, albeit redefined, and a stronger, healthier nation.

While I'm at it, I can't resist putting in a plug for Patrick Henry High School in Minneapolis; a place that has created an atmosphere where everyone can excel and pursue passion; where everyone can feel they are part of community. For 11 years I've had my sons at Henry and in all those years, I've rarely heard talk of gangs and prejudice and bullying (although there has been some ). Mostly what I've heard is groaning over presentations to give, long papers to write and laughter as they all enjoy the company they find there. I'm grateful to Henry for providing excellent academics and citizenship. Bravo!

So now it's D-Day. It's time for us to once again join forces and invest in the future of these brilliant young people. Please take the time to get to know them. If you know one of them is struggling, help them find a way out of it. They are young and have many obstacles to overcome yet in their lives, but we can learn a lot from them about moving mountains of darkness and celebrating differences while teaching them what we know about growing older and wiser through grace and messiness. Invest in your future. Invest in my future. Get to know a young person and discover hope for the human race.

Peace,

jules

WHO IS HELPING WHOM?

Oh, I wish I was good at remembering names! Sigh! Today was a day for re-membering names. Today was a day for dragonflies whispering in my heart as they flew by. Today was a day to be re-minded, re-connected to the truth that we are all one.

This morning I had the privilege to join five other sweet voices and sing in the presence and with three, no four, very sweet ladies in a group home for the elderly. In spite of their inability to remember or have fluent conversation, their glowing eyes and loving energy added so much to the songs that hopped into our midst. As I sing in hospice choir, it continues to amaze me how much the "recipient" offers to the song. I am in awe of this holy experience where the song flows both ways even when only half of us have a voice. And as we sang, the faint whisper of angels began to be felt in my warmth. The angels are happy being with those sweet old ladies.Oh, how I wish I remembered their names...Audrey, Margaret, Millie and who?

This afternoon, I attended a funeral for a sweet person who left us, way too early it seems, through the hell of suicide. But the joy of the family in their brother and son reminded me that what I think is too early might be the best and perfect time for someone else. The faint flutter of dragonfly wings and angel songs could be heard in the background as family and friends danced with each other in a graceful dance of remembering and comforting. Aren't human beings wonderful?!

Tonight I went to sing with my hospice choir at Bethesda Hospital, a place where the sickest of the sick stay for weeks and months as they try to recover from looking at death's door and get back on their feet. Some eventually give up the fight and others stay the course and manage to get there. All touch us as we look in their tired eyes and sing our smallest and best bit of hope for tomorrow to them.  We truly believe that no matter which way they go, that our songs might offer the way to get there. But it is their presence with us, their acceptance of my voice, my song that seems more like the life-giving gift."Yes! This is why I am here," I think. And then I realize that I wouldn't think that if it wasn't for them. There are angels hovering 'round and there are angels lying in the beds sick and looking back at me with the most loving eyes.And I wish I could call them by name.

Who saves whom? who is the giver and who the receiver? Who is the healed and who the healer? By the time this day ended, I am struck by how often I set out to help or at least be in the presence of and end up leaving with a stronger heart and a healed pain.

Thank you to Audrey, Tim, Millie, Marilyn, John, Deb and everyone out there who offered their healing to me today. Thank you.

Breakfast of Champions--Spring 2010

I wake up to the smell of breakfast cooking
Lilac, crab apple, and deep pink blossoms
A glass of sunshine pouring through my window
Florescent green leaves dressing my plate
Squirrels chasing bunnies provide entertainment
All are seasoned by a shower of pollen
A feast of procreation, recreation and co-creation
I too feel ready to give birth
Life and inspiration growing within my heart
Through nine long months of autumn and winter
I'm ready to live into this new life
Pink tulips, purple vinca and green carpets of grass
Bursting forth from my soul
Feasting on this breakfast of champions
Ready to take on the day
Welcome spring and rebirth!

by Julie A. Bonde
May 1-2010

Living with an Open Heart, a Messy Life and Grace to overflowing

Born in Madagascar, I love the feeling of bare feet on sand, the salty smell of the ocean breeze & sun. I love children, 0 to 100. Singing & writing are how I learn, pray, meditate, heal and breathe. I treasure living in the Presence of the ONE.

I love organization and I hate maintenance. I alphabetize my spices, have my book shelves sorted by category but there are piles of papers stacked high in my home office. I can't remember the last time someone dusted the top of the windows and doors. The basement is filled with junk. The bad news is I'm always fighting myself. The good news is no matter which i'm leaning today, I'm always winning. (grin)

I’m often out of step with the rest of the world. I can’t remember what day it is, when the next prayer group meeting is or where I last put my keys. People are often canceling on me, walking away without explanation, or just dying on me. In the last month, I have had to battle kidney stone surgery, three canceled retreats, one canceled class that I was going to help teach and I lost a job I almost had.

Just as often everything in my world is synchronized. Like the other day, I found my missing shoe, two pairs of missing ear rings, and a missing and favored necklace. On that same day, I was sorting papers and found some of my dignity at the bottom of the pile. Then the phone rang and while talking to a friend I remembered my heart’s strength. Another phone conversation restored my faith in my vision and left me with peace of mind. Sometimes it rains and pours even as the sun is about to shine. Sometimes the mishaps are just part of the flow.

My heart beats wildly to love people. I try to remember that when I approach someone, I am approaching God in the flesh. I am often stunned and overwhelmed by the beauty I find as I look into the other person's eyes. My heart also beats wildly in fear of rejection. When they find who I am, will they run screaming in the other direction? Will they take all they can get and then wipe their feet on my heart as they walk away? There is no way to know and so I often take the chance to invite another into my humble abode-- old jeans, messy hair and all. But will I be able to protect myself from the pain?

So while I ache for those I have loved and lost, either to departure or death, I am also constantly being filled up with the joy of knowing such exquisite human beings. I grew up in a missionary boarding school far away from my parents and five siblings or any other blood relatives. But I have never been left without a family. My ever-growing family of heart now numbers in the hundreds and includes people of every gender, preference, religion, ethnic background and age. I am so blessed to be always wrapped in God's love and kindness.

Surviving and thriving could be enough and yet I am gifted with joy beyond that. I am so rich as to know deep, deep passion. I have music in my blood and people to share the songs with. I am lucky beyond measure to know a vision of how wonderful life is already and how much more gorgeous it could be. I have God and God's angels for my constant companions. I have God's word. I have the rainbow over my head, wings under my feet and the steady pulse of the earth's heart to hold me up. And deep within, where only God can see, there is a light that will never go out. It is the light that Christ held up for us and many others as well. It is the LOVE that is God's very essence.

So I say yes to living with an open heart and a messy life because within it all is LOVE and Grace to overflowing.


jules 3/27/2010

STONE FREE

The 2nd day after kidney stone surgery.

Wow! The connection of soul to body, of heart to mind is so much stronger than I thought.

The kidney stone surgery was a success. I feel different, truly different. Coincidentally, a brave truth was spoken in the same twenty-four hour period. Though it required courage and pain, removing the stone and standing in the truth, I already feel lighter, cleaner. It still hurts a little, stings here and there but it is a good pain, clean of the stones of grudges, fear, misunderstanding and grief. It is a clean cut ready to heal, already healing.

I wonder a little if I am too late. Has there already been permanent damage to my kidney? Has the long time of carrying the burden erased too much of the good that came before? but then I remember God's grace. I remember the creators words, "It is good. I have called you and you are mine. All things work together for good. Fear not, it is I. I am here with you always." I remember Jesus gift, his hand reaching down to me and whispering, "May i have this dance? Will you dance with me?"

YES is my answer.I will dance. And I will sing. I will shout. I will write of your kindness.

Dear surgeon who has reached in and grabbed the stone, I thank you.

Dear friend who has reached in and replaced the stone with truth I thank you.

and now will you all dance with me?  with us? Will you sing the song?

Will you live stone-free with me?

come! Let's do it!

Stones

Having been a month since my last entry, it is way past time for another. On this (March 9) eve of my kidney stone surgery I thought it appropriate to reflect on grace and messiness.

Stone deaf. I thought I was listening. In fact, I spent most of October, November and December of last year doing just that...listening. Listening for God's guidance, for the answers to a pretty messy situation with some freinds, listening to what the big silence has to tell me, listening to what my friends have to say. But all that time I was deaf to my own song, my own voice and the story my body was telling me. I wasn't listening to how my body and my heart and my voice are connected. It took me a long time to finally grow strong enough to really listen and honor my own soul as much as i was honoring everyone else. And still, where my body was concerned, I was stone deaf.

Stone blind. I didn't see this coming really at all. you'd think the pain would have been a clue but for a number a reasons it wasn't obvious to me that I was working up a sizable stone in my kidney. Oddly or perfectly on time perhaps, the idea that I might have a stone occurred to me just as everything else in my life was turning up sunshine. Just today I was talking with a friend and we were commenting on how profound M. Scott Peck was when he wrote his first line, "Life is difficult," in his book, "The Road Less Traveled." That says it all doesn't it? Life is difficult. I know this. I have a list of difficulties as long as anybody else. so why didn't i see this coming? Certainly one tragedy or hassle does not give you immunity to others. But I was stone blind.

But not stone cold. Of course Peck didn't have the whole truth in his one sentence. He was missing the other half of the story. He was missing that Life is sweet and delicate and beautiful. He was missing the grace. Stones can be stumbling obstacles or they can be markers. Yes, I was deaf and I was blind and I was stubborn. I stumbled right over my own feet and my sad heart and fell flat on my pride. but God reached down and pulled me up with one more song, three more friends and a whisper, "May I have this dance?"

It is fitting, I think, that tomorrow I will have help removing the stone that is blocking the flow from kidney and I will begin cleansing anew with a clear organ. Likewise, I am ready to remove the obstacles that stand in the way of me moving forward. I am ready to be cleansed of the baggage, the walls that separate and live again in the truth. I am ready to live clean again.

Thanks be to the Holy One for the chance to live again, for the invitation to get up off my backside and DANCE!

Sunlight and Shadows

"Sunlight and Shadows playing a game
They're playing games on my window pane."

These are the lyrics to an old, old song I used to hear in my childhood...not that I'm old, old but my parents were. So I just had this simple thought in my early morning dreaming today. As we walk this labyrinth of life's choices and experiences, we gradually learn to embrace both the darkness and the light. And then we begin to see the beautiful intricate designs and paintings that the sunlight and shadows have created on the path behind. I believe this is the amazing experience of being here on this planet...learning to embrace both light and darkness, learning to face the truth of it all, to forgive and to rejoice in the gift.

Peace to all; especially those with the courage to face the darkness within and see the truth!

Blessings on you,

jules

The Sense of the Creator

Had the creator meant for us to be always silent would we have been given ears to hear and a voice to speak? Had the creator meant for us to only see one dimension would we have been given such great depth of field and color in our vision. Had the creator meant for us to only eat gruel, would we have been given taste buds? Had the creator meant for us to not be able smell a baby or the difference between a rose petal and composting mud, would we have been given noses? Had the creator meant for us to be alone in solitude, would the touch of hand or the energizing laughter of a friend, or the shared tears of a sister make us feel so holy, so full of meaning, so full of joy?

Taste and eat, smell and breathe, listen and sing! Reach out and touch! And take note,  we were only given one nose, one mind, one heart, one mouth but we were given two eyes, two ears, two lungs and an entire body of limbs and skin to reach out and touch.

Use your gifts accordingly.
Let your sense of smell add wisdom to your choices.
Taste slowly, chew a lot, and swallow only once.
Breathe deeply. The heart beats on its own.
Listen twice. Look twice. Think first. Speak only once.
Always reach out.
Touch often.
Use your gifts accordingly.

NOTE: In discussing our bodies, i mean no disrespect to those whose abilities do not include full-body function.

I am

I
I am
I am one
I am one person
I am one person you see
I am you see
I am you
You see
I am you
I am
I

we're singing for you

we're singing the songs
speaking the poetry
and saying the prayers
we're blowing them with the spirit
which carries them like dandelions on wind
gently holding them
until they arrive at your door
and land softly on your
broken and ragged heart
peace friends
the song is being sung
the truth being spoken
love is being sent
peace

Prayerful Vibrations Coming Your Way !

I’ve been thinking about singing and prayer.

Ever since the dawn of humans, people have had this strange urge to connect with their creator, to discover this unexplainable connection we feel exists between us and the universe, between each other. And ever since we’ve had a clue what that is, we’ve been singing to worship, to express and to connect. Singing a prayer is one of the most natural things in the world. Every religion, every culture sings or creates music to worship and to pray.

But let’s take a moment to step back and study the situation for a moment. Let’s observe first what happens to the individual person when they sing and second what happens to the group when we sing together.

What happens when you sing? When you go from speaking to singing (whether you’re in tune or not), what happens to your body? You need more air right? You have to breathe differently. That brings up for me the question, why is air so important? What is happening to us when we are breathing?

When we breathe, we take in oxygen and let out carbon dioxide. Breathing keeps us alive. IT is our life. The words for breath and spirit are the same in Hebrew. In the creation story, God breathed life into Adam or to put it another way, God placed his spirit into Adam. Adam came alive. When we sing, we focus this breath in a different way and we take bigger and deeper breaths so we will have enough energy, enough life to produce this focused sound. Simultaneously, we also focus our awareness of self in particular direction so that we can create a sound that reflects what we want to express. Often our whole body moves. Singing and prayer are made for each other.

What happens to the group when we sing together? Why do we sing together in church?

We sing together mostly because it comes natural. Everything about singing together creates a stronger worshipping community and a stronger community in general. Think of what happens to a crowd of strangers at a sports event when they first go from just cheering to cheering the same thing and then move that into a fight song. The joined voices, the joined breath is actually joined spirit. Unity is formed and the crowd becomes a community. The song strengthens. Professional teams encourage this because the players can feel the difference when it happens. It is called “The home field advantage.” The same thing happens in worship. We raise our voices together and it strengthens the community, it unifies all in the spirit, the breath, the focus. But more than that happens. Together we create a song, a prayer, a sound that we cannot do alone. Our joined prayer creates a higher energy in the room and in the world. That energy brings life and healing and draws us together. And what is prayer but an intention to draw our energy and our will together with God’s?

So when we want to ask for healing or wholeness, we ask for the community to pray. When we want to connect with the Spirit we sing alone or together. The more voices we have, the more breath and spirit the song has. The more spirit, the greater chance there is that suffering turns to healing, fear turns to love and anger to forgiveness. The vibration that we create when we sing together is more than just a sound that surrounds us. It both enters our bodies and continues out past the walls and circle and keeps going and going. Sound travels where our bodies cannot. This is the miracle, the blessing of our prayer and our song.

Next time you are in a community for worship, think of this. Next time you want to create a stronger community, just bring a guitar or a CD player or just your voice and share a song. IT won’t matter if you speak the same language because the song will explain what words cannot. The same is true of our prayers when they are sung. And it won’t matter if your voice is in tune. The community will create a song together that no one could sing alone.

Whisper a prayer
Breathe a song into the air
Add your love to the atmosphere
It won’t cost you a dime
It won’t take much time
Give the world a break
Return the favor
Create love
All it takes is a whisper

Stillness: Good for What Ails You

The days grow short, the nights long. It is the time of hibernation, celebrations of light like Dawali, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Advent and Christmas. It seems counter-intuitive that at a time when all of nature is falling into a renewing sleep, the people in this culture are rushing about trying to get shopping done, parties made, earning year-end bonuses. And as often happens, I find I want to go the other direction than everyone else.

This year, more than any other, I have found myself leaning into the stillness of the early nights and the quieting snows. I have Christmas shopping to do but don't do it. I have parties to organize but can't seem to get them on the calendar. There are concerts and events of interest and note that I am ignoring just to stay home another evening. Three months ago, I would have enjoyably scrambled to creatively fit it all in and still find time to write and cook and sleep with my husband. But that was then, before I hit a wall of frustration and confusion. I had been on a track that felt like a calling, like I was being Spirit-led. Suddenly walls began to appear where once were doorways. Suddenly doors were closing in my face before I could even raise my hand to knock. I asked God about this. And all I heard back was "Be still."

Stillness is not my first instinct when problems and challenges arise. My first instinct is to call a committee meeting...even if that committee is just two people. My first instinct is to "talk it out" or "talk it to death." I've always thought I did better when I got all of the truth out there to deal with. So God says, "be still."

So for the last couple of months, I've been practicing stillness. I've dropped out of some of my groups. I've gone out less with the girls. I've done less running "errands." I've had less lunches. I've spent more days in solitude; sometimes spending an entire day just doing chores around the house in total silence. Sometimes I'm listening for the Spirit. Sometimes I'm reflecting on my heart and God's call. Sometimes I'm creating anew. sometimes I'm just empty and silent; nothing going in or coming out.

Although skeptical at first, I've been amazed at the peace and wholeness I feel now. In the stillness I've rediscovered my self, my spirit. I've taken up my conversations with God again. I've found a presence deep within and all around me. I've noticed that the trees talk, that the sun dances and the moon sings in the dark. Love seems bigger and connection more alive.

I still haven't spoken to the issues that brought me all that frustration. I don't know that I will. When the stillness and waiting are over and it is time again to speak, it might be that Love has moved me to another whole reason for speaking.

For within the stillness, I find Love and Joy singing me lullabies of hope and songs of courage and peace. Within the stillness I find that I am enough, that there is enough grace for all of us; even you, even me.

And Jesus said,"Peace, Be Still."

Peace,

Jules

MORNING CONVERSION

The journey from dark to dawn is so gradual.  It's hardly noticeable at all.  It is difficult to pinpoint the exact moment when we would call it light.  When did it stop being dark?  Was it when the sky got just light enough to begin to see the silhouette of the trees against it?  Was it when I began to see blue streaks?  It isn't until the sun rises full on the horizon that I am absolutely sure the day has come.

I think most conversion experiences are like that.  We’ve been in the dark so long, looking for the light.  Then one day, perhaps years down the road, we realize the day has come.  We are no longer in the dark.  And we can't remember at exactly what moment we stopped thinking so much about the dark and living more in the light.  It just happens.

That's what my recovery from Hans' death and my midlife crisis has been like.  I'm not sure when I stopped being that other person and became this one--the woman who wants to grab life, the woman who feels so empowered and strong, the woman who is so grateful for everything. When did I stop wanting to be passive?  When did I stop hiding under the covers? When did I begin using my true voice? All I know is that the sun has come up on the horizon.  It is morning!  I am now a child of the light and I want to live in that light!

Maybe this is happening to you.  It is frustrating because you want to know the exact moment when you can leave the darkness behind. Sometimes, it seems we dance in the dawn, the place between light and dark, for years before we are ready to move on. I just hope you can take comfort in knowing that the dawn is surely coming and with it will come the realization that you too are a child of the light.

© Julie A. Bonde, 2006

double your donation on Tuesday!

Dear friends, loved ones and acquaintances.

you are receiving this email because I sent it to everyone on my contact list. I figured for this one day, it was worth a try. I apologize if you already got a notice from someone else.

On Tuesday, November 17, 2009, every donation made to The Dragonfly Project through www.GiveMN.org could be matched. Please consider giving to this project whose purpose is to bring hope to those who are grieving. We are still run only by volunteers. Nearly all donations go directly back to printing cards, making key chains and sending them out to folks who are grieving over the loss of a loved one. In our seven and half years of operation, we have sent out over 23 thousand condolence cards with story and key chain.

This project was started because our son Hans died at age 11 of a brain tumor. It was started by an 11 year old girl who now is a freshman in college. it has brought hope and miracles to thousands. it has meant everything to Pete & I. Please consider giving to this organization. We are a registered non-profit.

thanks for the thought and all the kindness you have shown Pete & I over the years.

blessings,

Julie Bonde



--
God loves, I live...
I love, I live...
God leads, I follow...
It's as simple as this:
Only Love!

Whispers of Wisdom
madjules@gmail.com
http://downwindfromeden.blogspot.com

Abundance within the small and tiny!

I don't have a lot of time to write this blog but it has been a month! So much has been happening!

For the moment I just really want to put out there that God is so abundantly generous! Wow! Even within the dark moment, there is abundance! I can't wait to tell you all more.

For now, look around you. Pay attention. Be aware. Notice the little things and then start adding up all the grace, all the joy, all the diversity and beauty! notice.

reveling in the miracles,

jules

SUNLIGHT AND SHADOWS

By now, if you have read any previous blogs, you have picked up on theme that I can't seem to shake; light and darkness!

Fall has arrived in Minnesota complete with colorful reds, bursting orange, dropping leaves and a chilly dusting of snow over everything. It's early Saturday morning and the sunlight and shadows are dancing over this new pallet of green grass, white snow and yellow, red, brown leaves. I'm waking up slowly from a night disturbed by lack of sleep. In th middle of the night I was woken by the stress of discerning my place in the world.

Recent events have caused me to wonder: Am on the right path? Has anything I done made any difference at all? Does it matter that I am here? Is all this disturbance just to open me up to the next curve in the road? Why me? Why not me?

In the middle of my sleepless tossing, I got up to drink some Easy Now tea and ran into my son. He was on a different mission...that of helping to rescue a lost dog he and some friends found in the park last night. He was busy writing a sweet note to explain why we would be finding a dog in his room when we woke up. What a sweet boy and what a sweet dog! The night was suddenly lit by the compassion and caring of my sons's heart.

So while the seasons and the canvas of my life keep changing, the sunlight and shadows continue to dance over the top of it. While I've been struggling to heal from some punches to the tender spots on my soul, I've also been finding more and more light shining in my heart. I have also been thinking about how grateful I am for all of the love and music and joy that has come to me through God's love, through the kindness of friends and blessings of strangers. God/Love really is so close that we can just reach out and touch each other or just sit and listen and the whispers of wisdom are there.Singing really does create community and bring healing. There is healing! there is peace! There is joy! There is compassion! And it does make a difference!

And do I want a life without the beauty and richness the shadows create over the gorgeous canvas of my journey? And do i want a journey with a canvas that never changes or evolves? If we truly are created in the image of God, then God loves creativity and change as much as I do. So while I fight the disturbance, I also welcome the change and creativity that will grow from it.

We are one. All of us and all of creation and all of the universe. We are one. All of the light and all of the dark, all are nothing and all are everything. There is only one reality...love, a love that runs so wide, so high and so deep that it can wrap around all that we are and all that we can be. I am grateful!

Peace to all of you sisters and brothers!

jules

Wanting nothing and wanting everything

It just sort of creeped into my thoughts yesterday. I really want nothing. I don't really care if I have money. I don't need to have new clothes. I don't need fame. I don't need to be top dog. I don't need to be better than everyone else or than anyone else. I don't need my own room or my own closet. Ownership is not important. I really want to be empty. I have too many things, too much to keep track of and be responsible for. And all of it has a way of weighing me down and holding me back from total freedom. I watched the movie "Clare & Francis" the other day about St. Francis of Assisi and St. Clare of Assisi. St. Francis gave up everything including the clothes on his body to follow Christ. Though he lived a hard life, he was also known for living a joyful one. As I watched I could see how the freedom of things was also the freedom of responsibility for those things. Of course it is not as simple as that but I wondered how it would feel to truly want nothing and be free.

Of course, what I really want is everything. I want energy and love to overflowing. I want to be so filled with light that I can't help but give joy. I want to have enough money, clothing, shelter to support my family, send my boys to college and help them create their own homes. I want to travel to the ends of the earth and have time to sit with friends and strangers praying and talking and singing about peace and love and hope. I want to gather my family, the one that is spread to the other side of the globe that we might find that deep love we need from each other. And if i could have left overs I have more people i would want to share with. I want to be thinner in my body. I want to be healthy enough to follow my passions for another 50 years. But all of these things, though honorable desires, bring with them work, struggle, responsibility.

My geography professor at Dana College, used to say that there was one rule that you could count on for the way the earth works, "there ain't no free lunch." I've discovered that applies to pretty much everything...including most relationships. But Love isn't Love if there is a charge is it? or is it the other way around? Love isn't Love if it didn't cost you something.

I really don't want anything. and I really want everything because I want no less than fierce love...to give and to live in. Am I asking too much? or am I not asking enough?

KEEPING AND BREAKING SILENCE

I just attended a Bridge Builder event for the church I work for. For the last hour of this event, people were given a chance to speak their minds to the group. This wasn't a conversation; just a chance to say your piece with no debate, judgment or even answered questions. Some people spoke things that have been needing to be said for years. I was honored to be there and witness this example of how to live in community and faith while tension exists between  you. I was struck at the power that of breaking the silence.

Beginning the conversation after years of silence is hard, heavy, scary...and carries hope. My heart is filled with all the above and all of the below...all that is, all that isn't, all that shines, all that darkens. And in the middle a small wave of tears is forming...threatening to break through the walls. Silence can heal and silence can poison. 

There is tension in me as I discern even on a personal level, when is the time to keep silence and when is the time to break silence and speak the hard truth in kindness. There is discomfort in this space. I wonder in some cases if I'm doing the right thing by keeping silence. I wonder in others if I stepped over reasonable boundaries by speaking too much. My preference is to speak, to get things out there but not everyone feels the same about that. Not everyone is ready at the same time for the conversation.


Silence can be a nice breath of air between life and our souls, between togetherness and solitude. Silence can also create a void, a separation between us. May love bring all of us together again. 

EPHPHATHA!

Ephphatha Be opened! Let your light shine! Let there be light! Be healed!

Jesus uses the passive imperative. Haha! :o)  Passive imperative is almost an oxymoron. Imperative implies action…it is a command…non-negotiable. Do it! Just do it! Passive implies inactivity and by association laziness. In our culture a passive person is a victim, or someone who just chooses by not choosing and then lets things happen to them. Passive implies that there are forces outside of us that make things happen. In American English, passive is so non-active that it is corrected when we use it in our essays for class. My computer will automatically remind me that I am using the passive tense.

So the other day I was in church and the scripture passage was from Mark, telling about Jesus healing the deaf man who also couldn’t speak. As he touches the man’s ears and tongue, he states, “Ephphatha,” (be opened). I was so curious about the inclusion of this word in the scripture. Why did the Greek writer insert this Hebrew word in?  So I looked it up. I kept looking until I found the origin.  Ephphatha is the Greek spelling of the Hebrew and Aramaic. But the meaning is still within it. It is passive imperative. It took me a little while to get it actually. What does that mean? Passive imperative? And then it hit me. Jesus is asking the man to let it happen, to allow the healing to happen. He’s not  saying “I heal you,” or “Heal!” He is saying, “be healed.”

Recently, something happened that made me question my ability to be a good friend. The more I thought about it, the darker I got. I kept going back to this little girl who thinks she is never going to be good enough for anyone. As I shared my struggle with a couple of friends, I started to hear this passive imperative from them too. Essentially, they were saying, “Let us love you. Let your light shine. Allow yourself to be loved.” And no one said it but I also heard the word patience. Be patient. Let it happen.

Then I was talking with a pastor friend about ephphatha. He said that God used the same passive imperative to bring creation into being. It wasn’t a non-negotiable command. It was an invitation for the light to come. Let there be light. Let there be morning. Let there be night. And the light came. And it was good. And in the new testament, Jesus invites us to let our light shine. My friend are asking that too.

So my challenge this week is ephphatha…be opened. This means I have to take the word “try” out of my sentence for now. I’m not going to try. I’m going to allow myself to be opened….be opened to everything and anything….be opened to healing within me and healing within my friend….healing for all of us. Be opened to possibilities and hope, love and peace. Be opened. Let it happen. And it will happen. And it is good.

 Be opened! Let your light shine! Let there be light! Be healed!

Only LOVE!

God loves, I live...
I love, I live...
God leads, I follow...

It's as simple as this:  Only Love!

For better or worse

In just a few days, I'll be exactly 6 months past my 50 birthday. Recently, we celebrated the 28th anniversary of our wedding. It's been 33 years since I arrived in the United States My youngest son is a senior in high school this year. What's my point? I guess all these numbers seem to mean that I "should" be all grown up and done with what appears to be petty little whiny grievances on my part. I'm too fat, I'm not productive enough. I'm not socially polished. I'm certainly not successful by standards of career and money. I'm all of 50 and still often feel as competent as when I was 5. I'm still looking up to all the big people in my life wishing I could be like them...wishing I could be one of them. Except that now, some of those big people are younger than me; quite a bit younger. Everyone around me looks so confident, easy with people and able to function so well in this place and time. Me? I still trip over my own feet and my own passion.

In a month, we'll observe the 9th anniversary of our son's death. I have learned more in the last nine years about living, faith, God, community and love than I learned in the previous 41 years all put together. It hasn't been comfortable learning but it's been learning. I know I've been transformed. I know I've been loved more than I deserve. But the more i know, the more capable and qualified I get, the less confidence I have, the less I know. I feel like I'm paddling forward but my kayak is going backwards.

Of course there is no magic age at which one arrives at a particular stage. Hans seems to have done what he came to do in just 11 1/2 short years. Meanwhile, it took my mother nearly 89 years to get her life all laid out. So I can challenge myself on the number thing. But do I have to be the clumsiest oaf in the neighborhood?

If you live in my neck of the woods, you might see a roundish, middle-aged woman walking down the street with scars on her knees and shins and gaping holes in her ego. It might be me or there might be more than one of us out there walking around downwind from Eden. For better or for worse, we're here trying to make our way; albeit messy and confusing. And for whatever reason we can't seem to see the light that brightens more confident folks. Please be patient. I do get hints that we will get there, that i'll get there. I just might need more time than some.

Blessings to you all, and especially to those with skinned knees.

jules

Pondering Purpose

So, recently I wrote about transfiguration, transition and transformation. And I'm still there, I guess. Have you ever watched a garden or a child grow? Have you ever watched a flower bud blossom? Have you ever watched night become dawn and then day? How do you know which is the exact moment of the transformation? Do actually see the flower open? Do you know which exact second, it ceased to be night and became dawn? My experienced answer is NO. I don't. It just is that one moment I look and I realize it is dawn, the flower has bloomed, my child is suddenly bigger. I haven't seen the transformation happen but I know it has. 

In those first moments after I realize the flower is open, I celebrate. I rejoice in the early moments of dawn and in the awakening to my own growth. New life is delightful and sunny. Fabulous fuel for gratitudel! But then what?

After a bit of celebration, whether that is hours, days or weeks, it isn't long before I am wondering what now? How do i use this new gift, this new transformation of the former me? How do i live now that I've grown? There is even the question, how do I parent this new child that my baby has become? this new adult that my child has become? How do i live with the transformation?

This last week, the ELCA, one of the LUtheran church bodies, has made a long-coming decision to open the door to gay and lesbian pastors. It was a long struggle and passionate battle fought over many, many years. for the moment we can celebrate but then what? Int he weeks to come, the ELCA will have to ask, how do we live as this newly transformed body?

Three weeks ago, I returned from a two-week pilgrimage to the Umbrian province of Italy, including St. Francis' stompin' grounds. i came back, a transfigured, transformed person. And now that the celebration has worn off, I'm wondering how I'm going to live. How do I live in the old place with the new me? I'm grateful beyond words for this gift but how do I live like this? What does it mean to be me at work, in my family, in my relationships?

For many, getting to the point of realizing the gift of LOVE that God has given us, is a huge revelation moment on the  spiritual journey. We can float on the gratitude of that for years. But then comes the day when we ask...how do I live with the new me in the old skin? It isn't true transformation if I don't apply it to my life...is it?


I'm still asking that question. I don't have any definitive answers. I'm sharing the questions in hopes that if you are asking the same questions, maybe we'll come with up answers together. 

THE SONG OF CREATION

A long time ago, if time is measurable at all,
God created the universe with a song
Then God created the angels
and other heavenly beings
and taught them this song
Then God created our world
and us with harmony like you’ve never
As God and the heavenly hosts
started up a chorus that continues today

Each one of us has a part of this song given to us at birth
We were all given the ability to use our voice
to share in the song of creation
I think that is why throughout all of history,
People have begun to sing when they want to worship
They sing when they want to pray
And they sing when they want to connect with the community
We sing to grieve and to celebrate
We sing to honor and to praise

Something mystical happens when we join with the song
Whether it is a simple chant, a single note
A complicated choral arrangement or a lullaby
It doesn’t matter if we think we can sing
We just do because it is our nature
It is the angels’ nature
It is God’s nature
To sing.

As we sing, we listen and as we listen, we hear,
And as we hear, we are amazed at the message,
And the simple lesson of creating harmony together.

One of the best things about singing the old way,
without notes or accompaniment
Is that we hear the voices of others much quicker,
And we take the words and the soothing notes
into our bodies deeper.
One of the best things about singing in harmony
is that we can’t do it alone
We discover that together we can make a song
that not one of us can really sing alone.
It feels like magic as the spirit moves among us
As the song speaks to each of us in our particular place
And to all of us as a community
God joins us in this song
The angels join the chorus all day long

Beautiful Death, Breathtaking Life

August 15, 2009
Lake Louise State Park

Plain, dirty, quiet river
With green algae scum floating on top
Silent forest encroaching your banks
How is it you give me such solace?
You are nothing but another little water way
Winding your way through farmland and and state park
Yet you carry such reverence for the circle of life

Within you, around you and over you
Life continues its everlasting cycle birth, death and rebirth
Each stroke of my paddle seems as if I am treading on sacred ground
I make every effort to keep silence
As if tiptoeing over the water's surface
The lush vegetation is a tangle of trees,
Brush, vines and tangles of birds nest
But it is not only a place full of life but one rife with death

Trees in a various stages of dying
Are standing naked or leaning over or fallen
What strikes me is the stunningly beauty that each tree dies with
All the time lending its intricate lattice to the design of the woods
Its body providing a framework
And sustenance for the next seedlings to grow
Vines climb and flowers grow while birds gain fresh places to perch
This is another Eden
A place where all who live are fed and nourished
A place where all who die are cherished and appreciated
Where the entire circle of life provides breathtaking beauty

As I paddle away, leaving my green cathedral behind
May I learn new respect for the aging and dying process
And new joy in all of life's stages

Transfiguration, Transition, and Transformation

Greetings to all of you from deep within the One,

I've been away from my blog, concentrating instead on my facebook page for the last month and half as I prepared for, then traveled to and returned from a two-week tour in the Umbrian province of Italy. I traveled with Umbrian Serenades, an a capella chamber choir that sang concerts in cathedrals in old medieval towns like Assisi.

Our home base was in Spoleto, an old medieval town built in part by the Romans thousands of years ago.There is an aquaduct that still brings fresh, clean, delicious water from Monteluco, the holy mountian next door. Wow! Also on the mountain is a very special place aptly called "The Sacred Forest." St. Francis of Assisi spent time there living in caves and meditating. There is still a Fransican monastery there. Walking into the Sacred Forest, it easy to imaginel how St. Francis might have found God and seen visions in that place. It feels magical. During the trip, I was fortunate enough to visit this place twice. Both times I was there, I felt as if I had gone up the mountain with Jesus to experience the transfiguration. In my story Moses and Elijah would replaced with the trees and other life in the woods. The trees even glow with an extraordinary hue of love and light. I came to understand the mystery and the majesty and the abundant love of God just a little bit better. I came to know my own purpose a little bit better. It was such a great feeling that it was easy to wish we could just stay there. But you usually when you go up a mountain, you have to also come down. A few days after my second and last visit to that holy place, I was back here in Minneapolis trying to figure out how to buy groceries and go to work.

I don't think anything in life is more disconcerting than change...the transition from one activity, from one state of being or one paradigm to another. It is even more difficult when we find that while we were away, we were changed. So now not only have my circumstances changed but i have too. I have worked nearly every dya for two weeks now on adjusting my paradigm to fit the new me in the old location, the old jobs and the old roles. I've come down off the mountain carrying my newly transfigured self. I've also carried my new understanding of God with me. Transition is great, exciting, and a bit disconcerting. Where do we put this new luggage we brought home with us? where do we put these new visions and callings and roles?

Fortunately for me, God's activity is always at work. Even as I stumble sleepily back into my old life here, God is busy tranforming my heart and my mind in ways that make it possible for me to bring that tranfiguration experience into my life. I have a feeling that the transformation will be ongoing as I continue to discover all that life has to offer and become more clear about my journey. One thing is certain for me now. The Great Spirit of Love and Community, of Creation and LIfe, will be with me every step of the way.

An Umbrian Serenades Morning

July 22, 2009
Wednesday am in Spoleto, Italy: A Typical Umbrian Serenades morning.

The fresh air this morning was positively heavenly. Clean and sunny and calm. I’m just taking a moment to celebrate this wonderful gift. Is there anything more holy than breathing?

It’s just closing in on 10 am, Spoleto time, which I think I will now just call ST or Saint Time. We’ve been up a few hours going through what has become the morning routine. It goes something like this.
Conie’s blackberry alarm goes off. Julie jumps out of her skin then plops back down. Conie just rolls and turns it off. More sleeping. WE repeat this 5 minutes later and this time I get up. Sometime between 7 and 8 am ST we make our way down to the hotel restaurant for breakfast. Umbrian Serenades always monopolizes one of the large tables. Sleepily the members of the group wander in, grab a cup of coffee and find their spot. Breakfast is consistently the same…cheese, bologna, croissant, sweet breads, cantaloupe, yogurt, and granola. Not long after we get there the swarm of “gymgnats” arrive. They move as one to the buffet and sit as one at the tables. IT is important not to try and get food when they are there. Fortunately for us, they do not stay long, ever. These are a group of 30 or so national gymnasts competing for spots on the Olympic team.

Also on the menu at breakfast is laughter and talking about the feast of food and friends we have had the night before. This particular morning Alison coined the term “gymgnats” and I think it will stick. Up til now, we’ve just been calling them the swarm. They bring to mind images of the Borg, if you are a Star Trek fan. After breakfast the choir wanders away to practice for the 3 hours until lunch break. The companions or non-choir members of the group often gather on the “sun porch” for more coffee and catching up on their computing. There are 5 of us. Sometimes we are called the “non-singers” which is a mis-nomre since we can all sing. We just didn’t try out for the choir. The lesson is a good one as it brings up memories when I have labeled people non-something…always a bad idea for including people is to name them non-something.

Anyway, this is how I wish mornings always could be. Laughter, celebrations, and pondering the day with friends as crazy as I am. These are the ingredients for peaceful life. Hmmm. Maybe the world just needs to take better care of breakfast. Mabye then, this would be a more peaceful planet.
Wishing you all joy and peace this fine July day and everyday.

Love you and like you world,
jules

The Sacred Forest

Deep in the dark, sacred woods shadows play with blue faries
The canopy of ancient trees protects this holy ground
For centuries these oaks have been holding up the sky
Guardians of God’s natural monastery
Companions for many a pilgrim coming to understand the mystery of love
Yearning for connection to the deep heart in this enlightened place.
Angels and birds dance together under this umbrella of holiness
Those whose feet cross into this holy place
Find themselves called back to center, called to delicious rainbows of energy from their hearts.
Those who enter this dark forest leave with new light in their souls.

Chaos, Order and Community in Spoleto, Italy

An ancient hill of stone
Built on a foundation of history
Chaos and community

A swarm of young ballerinas
Flies through the dining room
Like a flock of crows
Scavenging a picnic site.
There is no order but they move as one

Notes and lines on a page
Scattered like the gravel pattern in the stone walls of this church
Trained voices turn this mess into Beautiful harmony

Lines of east and west cannot be drawn here
People standing in line cannot be found
Time resists linear movement
This is a organic place where buildings have withstood
Earthquakes, wars and time
By hanging on to each other
Both buildings and people have longevity

By allowing relationship to be more important
Than straight lines and order
Voices create harmony
Ancient frescoes cling to church walls
As the clusters of homes cling to the hillside
While the community continues to survive
By hanging on to each other in whatever order they can.