Born in Madagascar, I love the feeling of bare feet on sand, the salty smell of the ocean breeze & sun. I love children, 0 to 100. Singing & writing are how I learn, pray, meditate, heal and breathe. I treasure living in the Presence of the ONE.
I love organization and I hate maintenance. I alphabetize my spices, have my book shelves sorted by category but there are piles of papers stacked high in my home office. I can't remember the last time someone dusted the top of the windows and doors. The basement is filled with junk. The bad news is I'm always fighting myself. The good news is no matter which i'm leaning today, I'm always winning. (grin)
I’m often out of step with the rest of the world. I can’t remember what day it is, when the next prayer group meeting is or where I last put my keys. People are often canceling on me, walking away without explanation, or just dying on me. In the last month, I have had to battle kidney stone surgery, three canceled retreats, one canceled class that I was going to help teach and I lost a job I almost had.
Just as often everything in my world is synchronized. Like the other day, I found my missing shoe, two pairs of missing ear rings, and a missing and favored necklace. On that same day, I was sorting papers and found some of my dignity at the bottom of the pile. Then the phone rang and while talking to a friend I remembered my heart’s strength. Another phone conversation restored my faith in my vision and left me with peace of mind. Sometimes it rains and pours even as the sun is about to shine. Sometimes the mishaps are just part of the flow.
My heart beats wildly to love people. I try to remember that when I approach someone, I am approaching God in the flesh. I am often stunned and overwhelmed by the beauty I find as I look into the other person's eyes. My heart also beats wildly in fear of rejection. When they find who I am, will they run screaming in the other direction? Will they take all they can get and then wipe their feet on my heart as they walk away? There is no way to know and so I often take the chance to invite another into my humble abode-- old jeans, messy hair and all. But will I be able to protect myself from the pain?
So while I ache for those I have loved and lost, either to departure or death, I am also constantly being filled up with the joy of knowing such exquisite human beings. I grew up in a missionary boarding school far away from my parents and five siblings or any other blood relatives. But I have never been left without a family. My ever-growing family of heart now numbers in the hundreds and includes people of every gender, preference, religion, ethnic background and age. I am so blessed to be always wrapped in God's love and kindness.
Surviving and thriving could be enough and yet I am gifted with joy beyond that. I am so rich as to know deep, deep passion. I have music in my blood and people to share the songs with. I am lucky beyond measure to know a vision of how wonderful life is already and how much more gorgeous it could be. I have God and God's angels for my constant companions. I have God's word. I have the rainbow over my head, wings under my feet and the steady pulse of the earth's heart to hold me up. And deep within, where only God can see, there is a light that will never go out. It is the light that Christ held up for us and many others as well. It is the LOVE that is God's very essence.
So I say yes to living with an open heart and a messy life because within it all is LOVE and Grace to overflowing.
jules 3/27/2010
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