After a long absence from my blog, I am finally back. The journey the first half of this year has been a long meandering path with lots of stops to nurse sprained ankles, exhausted dreams and broken hearts. Some years are like that. You do what you can to survive and try as you might, there just isn't enough time to do anything but take one step; today's step. Yesterday's steps have been taken, for better or worse. Our experiences and choices and DNA have brought us to another moment, this one.
I've come to really appreciate the grace of this moment. There is is so much gift right here, right now. Everything I need is here. Life, love, work, joy, possibility. For starters I'm alive. In spite of all the mistakes and hazards, in spite of all the reasons to not be, I'm alive. I breathe in the air of love and exhale the mystery; sharing it with those around me. I can feel my dog's heart beat, hear her snore, watch her gorgeous aging body give way to her love for me as she rests at my feet. I can taste the faint sweetness and relish the nourishment of a banana grown in some far away place and cradled carefully in trucks and crates until it reaches my lips. I can call a friend to offer my heart or wash dishes to take care of my piece or peace of earth. I can take a deep breath and listen once more to the old church lady's story or answer the phone pleasantly at my desk, "good morning, this is Julie. how may I help you?" I can languish on the couch and listen to the city buzz or give my full breast to a song that is burning within me. No matter how much I've screwed up in the past, I have the option of doing all these things without a suitcase full of guilt. I'm forgiven. I'm human after all.
This tiny moment is so full of abundance and grace. In the closing lines of Mark Nepo's poem, "Accepting this" he offers the limits of this moment. "there is nothing to do and nowhere to go. accepting this, we can do anything and go everywhere." Wow! That's like finding an encyclopedia written on the head of pin. All of that possibility right here, right now, in this one step. We can choose to live healthier and longer, to let go of our old stories of shame and blame. We can let go of our need to apologize and just get on with it.
Personally, while I've been writing this blog, I've been considering letting myself off the hook and just living right into my dreams again. I've been considering more moments of love and less of guilt, more moments of music and less of whining, more laughter and less fear. I've been considering how lucky I am to be here.
The closing line in Mary Oliver's poem "The Summer Day" is "Tell me, what is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" With apologies to Ms. Oliver, I'd change that to the moment. How are you going to live into this one wild, abundant and delicious moment?" Hope from the past and dreams for tomorrow help to motivate and steer us but Life is only in this moment. Tell me, what abundance can you find in this mysterious moment? What life are you living now? What life do you choose this moment and this one and this one?
From the song "Moment" by Leahy.
And I'll run
To the light
Though I don't know what's coming before me
I'll be alright
Now I know
I'm alive
Oh my heart is wide open
I'm giving each moment my life
I'm holding this moment
I'm loving this moment
I'm giving this moment
The rest of my life
Stirred and inspired...
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