Chemo #3: Giving Thanks for a Great Day

Chemo #3--July 22, 2020

Just a month ago, I was having surgery to place a port in my chest for chemotherapy treatments. Today, I had my 3rd AC (Adriamycin/Cytoxan) Chemo treatment and I had an amazing day. For that I am grateful and I am quite sure you all have been a part of that. 

 

I woke up early, which is normal for me. I felt rested and energetic so I went and weeded in Pete's garden a little before he even woke up. Then I made breakfast. We had a virtual visit with my oncologist which was short and sweet. I found out my blood counts are doing well which lifted my spirits considerably. Then Pete dropped me off at Southdale Hospital for my Chemo.

So far, for me, the chemo treatment room, which has other people gettting treated, is a very calm place, a peaceful place. And I am lucky to not have any nausea so I can just relax about that. The time, 2 hrs, just flies by and it's over before I hardly do anything on my computer.

Afterward, Pete got me my favorite take-out foods...Leann Chin sesame chicken and a stop at the bakery for a carmel roll. I can't eat much at once but what I did was delicious. 

Then I had a very rich conversation with an old friend who has been growing alongside me for 40 years! And after that, another friend made a song and sent it to me...what a gift! and I got to chat with her too. Meantime the mail came and in it another card encouraging me.

So then, I had energy to make Pete dinner and for that too, I am grateful. Tomorrow, I will likely be more tired as the chemo sinks into my body. I am learning that my body is more vulnerable than I had expected, that I can't just fight off everything or recover like normal from activity. And that vulnerability is teaching me to enjoy the energy days even more.

Meantime, I can't thank all of my friends enough, for the cards, the love, the support, the offers of help and prayer and song. I know we're supposed to be doing something to change the world now, to overcome racism and other things. What if we all flooded the world with kind thoughts, love, support, cards, kind deeds? what if we could change the world with intention and prayer and song? 

This card came today!

Tonight I'll sleep well and then....

Tomorrow will bring its own challenges and vulnerability.

Tomorrow I'll still have a beautiful community of friends and family.

Tomorrow I'll still have the trees in my back yard.

Tomorrow I'll have the option to surrender to rest and healing.

And I'll hope to have energy to share the love and kindness with my neighbor, that the kindness might change the world.

Good night! Sleep well.

Jules

Chemo #2: The Peace in the Middle of the Storm

July 8--I received my 2nd Chemotherapy Treatment for Breast Cancer
My mind has been full of late, hard to express how much this changes everything, how pervasive the cancer is, affecting all my actions and thoughts right now. Here are some of my reflections as of July 8--Just 6 weeks since I first discovered the lump.

Part 1:--The Hibiscus.

Pete and I have this hibiscus bush we’ve been tending for years. It has spent some time in the ground in our gardens and for the last couple of years we have chosen to keep it on pot, usually in our dining room. During February, March, April and May it had bloomed constantly, often putting out more than one flower at a time. Then in June it stopped blooming because it had an infestation of tiny flies. So Pete took it outside for some sun and air. In addition, he sprayed it several times with soap solution. 

And today, on the morning of my 2^nd Chemotherapy treatment, my dear Hibiscus daughter bloomed once again. She was sick and now is well! It couldn’t have happened on a better day! So grateful! I hope to join her in this healing.

Part 2: Reflecting on Cancer's demands during Chemo

Last time I had a private room. This time I'm in the big room with mutiple patients. It's different and okay. Here is a photo of me with my port plugged in. once again, I brought more than I could do during the time it took. The nurses are nice and I'm feeling strangly peaceful in this storm.

So the last time I wrote, I was just starting to say out loud, “I have cancer. I have breast cancer.” I was still going for diagnostic tests and finding out more about this treatment. From May 29 to June 27, I had 18 medical appointments! These included several types of scans, 2 biopsies, several consultations and port placement surgery. By the time of my first chemo treatment on June 24th, my head was spinning, and I was just exhausted. This is not an overstatement. Processing all this has been mind-blowing

And then the day came when I woke up to an appointment-free day and I could start to just breathe again. In the last ten days, my energy for life has returned little by little. Yesterday, I even did a very radical thing. I cleaned out the bathroom medicine cabinet and cupboards and threw about half of it away. It felt so good. I also moved my desk out of our bedroom about 5 days ago, another way overdue activity. I don’t know what it is about this human experience that causes me to do things this way, but it seems to take a significant event for me to move.

It’s amazing how much this cancer has caused me to get moving, on several levels. First, Pete and I started walking twice a day; before breakfast and before dinner, mostly to handle the stress. Prior to that, we would only go on walks occasionally. Now, it is a requirement for the stress and as side benefit it is making me stronger too.

Next up was a change in diet. It happened rather naturally because I needed to adjust. So now I’m down to just ½ cup of black tea which is my only caffeine for the day. Less caffeine also helps the tension AND I stay hydrated better. I eat hardly any sweets and no snacks between meals. This helped with managing the drugs that were making me bloated. We’ve focused our diet on high protein and vegetables with some fruit. I still eat a little bread but that too has gone way down. All this because Cancer showed up at my door and started making demands! Hmmmm. 

Of course, in terms of treatment, I’m just getting my feet wet. I still have 5 ½ months to go on chemotherapy. And then possibly surgery and radiation after that, depending on how it all goes. I will likely tire more easily as it progresses and lose my hair and whatever else might happened. But this beginning gives me hope, that there will be good results from this time as well. For instance, I’m sitting here in chemo writing, not watching TV or checking FB but writing. And that’s a great place to start.

Part 3: My Backyard: my oasis and refuge

I'm fortunate to have the most peaceful backyard, complete with fountains, hammock chairs, hammock, treehouse, birds singing, dragonflies, the occassional bunny and lots of shade provided my very dear tree friends. So, when I get home from chemo, I set up myself with tea and the hammock chair and a camera, just in case. The trees draw my eyes upward. The birds sing along. The breeze calms my heart. The hammock chair cradles me in its gentle lap. These are moments when I get to just be held in beauty. More peace. I'm so grateful.

Part 4: Friendship is the best medicine
Once again, I thank all of you for your support. Many of you have offered to help in anyway that is needed. Please know that in this beginning part that when I do figure out what I need, I will let you know. Otherwise, your cards and emails, your prayers and conversations with me online are very useful to me. Truly. So thank you for that. From the bottom my heart! Your friendship, however it is expressed, is the best medicine!

With gratitude for the "peace in the middle of the storm." (from Barbara McAfee's song, Surrounding You.)

Jules