July 8--I received my
2nd Chemotherapy Treatment for Breast Cancer
My mind has been full of late, hard to express how much this changes everything, how pervasive the cancer is, affecting all my actions and thoughts right now. Here are some of my reflections as of July 8--Just 6 weeks since I first discovered the lump.
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Part 1:--The Hibiscus.
Pete and I have this hibiscus bush we’ve been tending
for years. It has spent some time in the ground in our gardens and for the
last couple of years we have chosen to keep it on pot, usually
in our dining room. During February, March, April and May it had
bloomed constantly, often putting out more than one flower at a time. Then in
June it stopped blooming because it had an infestation of tiny flies. So Pete
took it outside for some sun and air. In addition, he sprayed it several times
with soap solution.
And today, on the morning of my 2nd Chemotherapy treatment, my dear Hibiscus daughter bloomed once again. She was sick and now is well! It couldn’t have happened on a better day! So grateful! I hope to join her in this healing.
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Part 2: Reflecting on
Cancer's demands during Chemo
Last time I had a private room. This time I'm in the big room with mutiple patients. It's different and okay. Here is a photo of me with my port plugged in. once again, I brought more than I could do during the time it took. The nurses are nice and I'm feeling strangly peaceful in this storm.
So the last time I wrote, I was just starting to say out loud, “I have
cancer. I have breast cancer.” I was still going for diagnostic tests and
finding out more about this treatment. From May 29 to June 27, I had 18 medical
appointments! These included several types of scans, 2 biopsies, several
consultations and port placement surgery. By the time of my first chemo
treatment on June 24th, my head was spinning, and I was just exhausted. This is
not an overstatement. Processing all this has been mind-blowing
And then the day came when I woke up to an appointment-free day and I could
start to just breathe again. In the last ten days, my energy for life has
returned little by little. Yesterday, I even did a very radical thing. I
cleaned out the bathroom medicine cabinet and cupboards and threw about half of
it away. It felt so good. I also moved my desk out of our bedroom about 5 days
ago, another way overdue activity. I don’t know what it is about this human
experience that causes me to do things this way, but it seems to take a
significant event for me to move.
It’s amazing how much this cancer has caused me to get moving, on several levels. First, Pete and I started walking twice a day; before breakfast and before dinner, mostly to handle the stress. Prior to that, we would only go on walks occasionally. Now, it is a requirement for the stress and as side benefit it is making me stronger too.
Next up was a change in diet. It happened rather naturally because I needed to adjust. So now I’m down to just ½ cup of black tea which is my only caffeine for the day. Less caffeine also helps the tension AND I stay hydrated better. I eat hardly any sweets and no snacks between meals. This helped with managing the drugs that were making me bloated. We’ve focused our diet on high protein and vegetables with some fruit. I still eat a little bread but that too has gone way down. All this because Cancer showed up at my door and started making demands! Hmmmm.
Of course, in terms of treatment, I’m just getting my feet wet. I still have 5
½ months to go on chemotherapy. And then possibly surgery and radiation after
that, depending on how it all goes. I will likely tire more easily as it
progresses and lose my hair and whatever else might happened. But this
beginning gives me hope, that there will be good results from this time as
well. For instance, I’m sitting here in chemo writing, not watching TV or
checking FB but writing. And that’s a great place to start.
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Part 3: My Backyard: my
oasis and refuge
I'm fortunate to have
the most peaceful backyard, complete with fountains, hammock chairs, hammock,
treehouse, birds singing, dragonflies, the occassional bunny and lots of shade
provided my very dear tree friends. So, when I get home from chemo, I set up
myself with tea and the hammock chair and a camera, just in case. The trees
draw my eyes upward. The birds sing along. The breeze calms my heart. The
hammock chair cradles me in its gentle lap. These are moments when I get to just be
held in beauty. More peace. I'm so grateful.
Part 4: Friendship is
the best medicine
Once again, I thank all of you for your support. Many of you have offered to
help in anyway that is needed. Please know that in this beginning part that
when I do figure out what I need, I will let you know. Otherwise, your cards
and emails, your prayers and conversations with me online are very useful to
me. Truly. So thank you for that. From the bottom my heart! Your friendship,
however it is expressed, is the best medicine!
With gratitude for the "peace in the middle of the storm." (from Barbara McAfee's song, Surrounding You.)
Jules
That peaceful backyard oasis.... YES!
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