Hitting the Wall and Asking for Help

the rash on my arms

So after weeks of dealing with every increasing side effects and accumulation of issues, I eally hit the wall on my tolerance for pain and misery. This last few days have been my most difficult so far. Generally I do have a tolerance for pain and a strong inclination to just do what I'm told. But everyone has their limits. And I am so grateful at this moment that I faced my limit and called out for help

Beginning Saturday, I was having a lot of pain---from the rash on arms, to the constant ache in my bones to something that feels like a belt cinched too tight around my stomach. This “stomach pain” has made it hard to breathe easy and hard to eat. And all of the above has made it hard to sleep and get rest. So then on Monday afternoon and Tuesday morning I called the nurse to get help; especially for my pain. That turned out to be a really good idea because I actually got help.

Here is what happened and some changes coming.

When I went in for my usual Tuesday blood draw yesterday, they kept me another hour and gave me a bag of IV fluids which made me feel much better. Before that, they had me meet with the Nurse Practitioner, Gorak. We talked and Gorak then made the following decisions:

· I will be skipping my chemotherapy treatment this week. Instead I am back in today for another round of fluids. Hydration is important.

· Because I've had so much pain in my stomach area, I will also be getting a CT scan on my abdomen. Gorak just wants to be sure there isn't anything else going on in that area. 

· I am also going to get referred to a dermatologist to see if there is anything else they can do for the painful rash on my arms.

· Finally, Gorak prescribed some pain meds which I have already gotten some relief from earlier today.

In addition, I heard from my oncologist, Dr. Huang, who gave her stamp of approval for skipping this week's chemo and also offered that she will cut back on the dosage in the coming weeks. I am at this moment unsure if that means I have 4 or 5 treatments left?

WITH LOVE AND GRATITUDE!

So, as I sit here with the fluids dripping in, I have a moment to reflect and mostly what comes up is gratitude. I'm so lucky to have my husband Pete by my side through this journey, helping me to figure what to do and how to get help. And I"m glad for that moment when I could admit I wasn't strong enough for this, because it got me here today, getting help. Perhaps, one of our strongest moments is when we can admit we can't do this alone. And the truth is we never can do it alone. Whether we feel it or not, we are always living in relationship with each other, leaning in to each other when we  can and reaching out when we can. And so it is! I'm here getting help because I can't do it alone. And I"m here because of you and your heart and your prayers. I'm here because you are, because we are.

So once again THANK YOU!

I am extremely grateful for all the help I am getting and that they took my misery seriously. Though still tired, I do feel better. My pain is easing and I am more confident again that I"ll be able to ride this out to the end.

 thanks for all your support! I love you all!

 Jules