REMEMBERING HANS--20 YEARS LATER!

September 28, 2000, 7:45pm, our son Hans Peter Bonde, died from a glioblastoma multiforme (brain cancer) when he was 11 ½ years old. In an email I wrote these words to our family and friends: “God has answered our prayers and now Hans is truly healed….We give thanks to Hans for staying with us as long as he did. We give thanks to God for thinking to give him to us and for restoring him to wholeness now. We are sad to say goodbye.”

September 28, 2020--And now it is suddenly, or not so suddenly, 20 years later! Hans’ brothers are grown and on their own. Jacob is 36! He’s married to Beth and has a 5-year-old daughter, Solveig. Karl is soon 34! He’s married to Erica and has a 5-year-old son, Wendell and a 2-year-old daughter, Sophie. Luke is 28! All of them are doing well, with life, with work, with family! Pete and I still live in the same house we did back then but oh so many other things have changed. All three households live within a 20-minute drive from us. We are so grateful! What an amazing family they are!

My original plan was to have a huge party to celebrate and remember all the gifts of Hans 20 years later. We were going to have live music and have a great time. You my friends would have been invited. But COVID and my breast cancer took that plan and threw it in the garbage. So instead, we gathered with our boys and their families to have a time of remembrance. We did some of Hans’ favorite activities—watch the Vikings game and play Sequence (a favorite board game). We had good food, played some ball outside, and watched some old home movies. It was a lovely day and we couldn’t be more grateful to have Jacob, Karl and Luke living close by so we could do this.

So this is what has been on my mind lately, thinking about Hans, the incredible adventure before we lost him and the incredible adventure we’ve had since. Those home movies reminded me again of how much I loved being a full-time mom, how much Pete and I loved raising our four boys together, how much fun we had just living. The boys were always moving, playing, growing and we were always trying to keep up. We enjoyed road trips and camping, ball games, music and many joy-filled days just living our ordinary daily lives. When Hans got cancer, though we had challenges, our joy for each other did not stop. You can see it in the sparkle of Hans’ face. He was still living with us in joy. And then we lost him and had to move on. I am particularly proud of the amazing humans Jacob, Karl and Luke have become. They are three of the kindest and most loving people I know! Already, and still quite young, they have left a legacy of kindness behind them, both in their work and in their friendships! I heartily recommend getting to know them.

Pete and I have grown too, in ways we never expected and we’ve learned a lot, mostly to not take anything for granted. Life is precious. A family, of any kind, is a miracle. Friends are angels in disguise. Children are the best teachers on the planet. Music, color, poetry, the sparkle in my husband's eye...those are just are bonuses, generosity beyond measure from the Holy One. We’ve learned the ordinary is sacred and extraordinary is just that, extra. Over the years, gratitude and joy have helped us move on in so many ways to get through the waves. So, as it has been 20 years, and as Hans is still remembered as a joyful, enthusiastic soul, I thought I would share 20 things that bring me JOY and GRATITUDE.

20 THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR

1. Hans...forever a smile in his eyes.

2. Pete, Jacob, Karl, Hans, Luke...a feast of family

3. Beth, Erica…amazing daughter-in-laws.

4. My sister Vangie

5. The entire Bonde clan...really, everyone should have a Bonde in their life! I am so lucky they let me in the family.

6. My grandchildren: Solveig, Wendell and Sophie. They so generously give us their  curiosity, their trust and their wonder.

7. Madagascar, my birthplace…this precious treasure that gave me my childhood, my faith, my beginnings.

8. Sunrises, sunsets, wildflowers, fall...a feast of colors

9. Poetry...a feast of words

10. Work(paid or volunteer)..an invitation to be who I am, to help create healthy community. I especially love being a spiritual director/companion.

11. Kayaking...an adventure in every paddle

12. My camera...surprising discoveries everywhere

13. Rocks...something solid to hang on to (Pete is a rock too)

14. Bare feet...by some miracle all those tiny bones seem to hold me up and take me everywhere I need to go...so grateful

15. My singing communities: Nativity Church Choir, Morning Star Singers, Village Fire, Perfection Free Singing and Geralyn. Harmony and the beauty of community created through song.

16. The Dragonfly Project and all the dragonflies that have showed up for us over the last 20 years! They are always reminding us that we are never alone in our grief.

17. the most incredible girl friends…thank you Sally, Patsy, Rena, Amber, Kath, Geralyn, Nancy and Rhonda!

18. Nativity Lutheran Church Community…so grateful for the struggle, the wonder, the nurturing and the camaraderie over the last 39 years!

19. My parents, Laurel and Camilla Johnson, who started me off with so much love and care. They gave me the world and their hearts.

20. God’s never-ending and abundant love and grace!

If you feel like honoring our son on this 20^th Anniversary, here are some ideas:

• share something you are grateful for with us
• tell a child in your life how wonderful they are
• donate to The Dragonfly Project in memory of Hans, https://www.dragonflyproject.org/make-a-donation
• donate to the Hans Bonde Memorial Fund at Nativity Lutheran Church, https://www.nativitychurch.org/give/  [3312 Silver Lake Rd NE, St. Anthony, MN 55418]

With Gratitude and Tears we remember!