A Mother and Daughter Longing

On July 31, 2008, a few days from now, is my mom's 90th birthday. She died last year in June, shortly before her 89th birthday. Also on July 31 of this year, I will be flying with my husband to visit my sister and her husband. In honor of both occassions, i wanted to share these pictures of my mother, Camilla, and I at the beginning and the end of our lives. (the first picture was taken on the day of my birth, after an extremely difficult labor at the Clinique des Soeurs in Tananarive, Madgascar) Also included are two poems, one from the mother's perspective and one from a daughter's at the end of her mom's life. Here's to you mom! I love you forever!

The Mother’s Longing

I long for you to be happy,
To find your heart filled to overflowing with gratitude and joy,
To find your body filled with love that bursts through your pores.
I long for you to find peace,
To trust that even on bad days that I will always care,
To believe that even when you fail, there is hope,
I long for you to know the truth,
That my love for you is real and complete,
I long for you to look at me and see how beautiful you are,
Because you will be there in the sunset, the sparkle of the dew, the glowing fire,
I long for you to find your dreams inside of you
And your hope in me.
I long for you my child.

© 2005 Julie A. Bonde

(this second picture was taken of us 3 years before mom died...
as she declined with the dementia)

Dear Mama

I don’t remember

the moment of my birth
But I somehow know the feeling
It was in your arms I first knew
The immensity of Love

available to me
Through your eyes I found beauty
Became curious about the world

Yet, in my budding rebellious years, I didn’t like you
I didn’t know you, we lived 700 miles apart
We were from different generations
We lived in separate worlds on the same island
You knew nothing of my complex nature, my thoughts,
I knew nothing of your history and your strength,

How sweet it was then that you chose

to live near me in your aging years
With Dad gone, and you living nearby at last
I found the mother I had never really known
And learned a much deeper kind of love from you then
For in you I found a kinship in sorrow and longing for home and family
And I learned to love myself and to take pleasure in knowing you
Our relationship is no longer measured only by our differences.

As the years passed and we inevitably changed roles
from mother to daughter, daughter to mother,
The feeling of acceptance from those first moments sunk in deeper
I can see the deep joy in your eyes and smile
in the picture taken right after my birth
And hope when you look in my heart,
you will find a similar feeling in me
In spite of the hard emotional strain of your degenerative dementia
It was more than a privilege to know you and love you to the end

So thanks for that first hug and first kiss
And the final hug and kiss goodbye
For the first and final lesson of loving each other and ourselves
Through differences and pain, over the distances and close up
For the piece of God’s grace that you brought to me
Just by being my mama

August 3, 2007
Written by Julie A. Bonde
Shared as part of Eulogy for Camilla’s Memorial Service.
©2007 Julie A. Bonde